My life is getting better. Oh no!

[Ella S.]

For the sake of the thread, I will re-iterate my personal beliefs for a second to help illustrate the dilemma here.

I believe that all living things contain within them a spark of divinity, making them fragments or emanations of God alienated in the material realm. As such, I strive for a sort of self-transcendent collectivism where I view myself as a part of the whole of life.

I've lived in some nasty conditions my whole life and I am finally starting to find myself in a better environment. This sounds great, right?

However, having experienced what it's like to not have anything makes me afraid to lose what I'm gaining and I'm concerned that this fear will pressure me into putting my wants above others.

I'll give an example. Finally, at 22, I have my own room and my own bathroom, with clean water, working A/C and heat, and an actual bed. I have a bed! It feels so long since I've had an actual bed. Well, actually, I don't have the bed yet, but I will soon.

However, the person who is lending me this space (we'll call them Alice) has been talking about converting one of my rooms (which I don't use or need, anyway) into a second bedroom and moving someone I don't really know that well (we'll call him Bob) into the adjacent bedroom. We would have to share a bathroom.

I really, really don't want to do this. I've been trying to get my own space since I was like 14, but there's not a lot of housing options in my area right now and Bob, despite being older than me and having a job, only has one real alternative; living with his mother.

At first, I didn't even consider his situation. I told Alice that I'm not giving up my bathroom.

This was absolutely the wrong thing to do. Bob is looking for another space now that he might not find.

"And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you."
--Matthew 5:40-42

My concern is that I didn't even really consider his position. I was just too afraid of losing what I have, even though it wouldn't really be that big of a loss in the grand scheme of things.

I want to contact Alice again and let her know that Bob can move in, but I also still really, really don't. I've been putting it off longer than I should in the vain hope that Bob finds somewhere else.

I don't want this to be a recurring thing with me.

 

[Cino]

Well, you've expressed your dilemma here, so there are words for it.

Maybe you can tell Alice & Bob about your dilemma as well? You don't have to supply the solution along with it.

Perhaps three people can come up with ideas that would not occur to a single person all on their own?

 

[wil]

From what I am hearing this is all awesome!

You have seen progress in your goals. Along the way of personal achievements you have noticed an issue...ownership, control....but also an awareness of something lost empathy concern.

This is all fantastic growth and it is the decisions surrounding it that will affect your path.

You have spelled the process out wonderfully and will benefit from the blessons of life in your circumambulation! Study it all...the solution will be used repeatedly and lays the groundwork for solutions to bigger dilemmas.

I think the kids call it adulting today.

 

[Ella S.]

From what I am hearing this is all awesome!

You have seen progress in your goals. Along the way of personal achievements you have noticed an issue...ownership, control....but also an awareness of something lost empathy concern.

This is all fantastic growth and it is the decisions surrounding it that will affect your path.

You have spelled the process out wonderfully and will benefit from the blessons of life in your circumambulation! Study it all...the solution will be used repeatedly and lays the groundwork for solutions to bigger dilemmas.

I think the kids call it adulting today.

This made me laugh for a solid chunk of time, thanks

 

[Ella S.]

Well, you've expressed your dilemma here, so there are words for it.

Maybe you can tell Alice & Bob about your dilemma as well? You don't have to supply the solution along with it.

Perhaps three people can come up with ideas that would not occur to a single person all on their own?

It seems that Bob is pretty keen on finding his own space, too, and likewise doesn't want to share the space with me. I didn't actually put him off at all. He was already searching for a better option.