okieinexile
Well-Known Member
Cat Physics II
By Bobby Neal Winters
As you may recall from my first article regarding the physics of cats, I live in a house that the laws of the universe have decreed to be a three-cat house. (This differs from what is commonly referred to as a cathouse in a number of interesting ways, but I digress.) That is to say, for some reason, my house is not allowed to have more than three cats. If we get rid of one, another comes to take its place, and if we get a fourth, one of the cats disappears.
As you may recall, this was tested last summer following my church's Vacation Bible School at which a kitten began to follow my Middle-Child around. Against my best scientific judgment, I allowed the kitten to be brought home. Sure enough the universe began to swallow up various parts of the kitten as my other cats crossed the property line at inopportune times.
This kitten was named "Shadow." Note the usage of the past tense, because Shadow is no longer among us, at least not in than manifestation. My wife Jean maintains that she was taken by college students as his disappearance coincided with that of some of our college-student neighbors, but to me, this is simply more support for my theory of "conservation of cats." Given the persistence of the three larger cats at my home, the universe simply reabsorbed her.
At least that is what I thought at the time. There have been other developments when have caused me to refine my theory further, but such is the way of the scientist.
During the month before Christmas, there was a lot of unexplained giggling. I only noticed this in hindsight. When you are the only man living in a house with four women ranging in age from five to I-better-not-say, there is a lot going on that you just don't understand and don't want to. However, at one point the giggling five-year-old wagged a cat into my presence.
For you to fully understand this, I need to describe our three main cats. Cat one is Ziggy who is a neutered, male tiger cat, cat two is Stars who is a black cat spotted with brown, and cat three is Hyper who is a rather scruffy Siamese given to puking at inopportune moments.
The cat which was wagged into my presence was a tiger cat, and I assumed, therefore, that he was Ziggy. However, upon further examination, prompted by my spouse saying, "Good grief, LOOK at the cat," I discovered that the animal was not Ziggy at all. He was smaller and scruffier, a kitten really.
My beloved, trusted family had been hiding this animal (in plain sight, I might add) for an even yet undisclosed period of time, and for no better reason than to see how stupid I was. The five-year-old called off the experiment when my density was proven to be off the scale.
The new arrival has been christened "Squishy" from a scene in Finding Nemo. Squishy has some odd properties that have made him worthy of further study. Squishy is a male and a tiger cat, which have already been mentioned. His resemblance to Ziggy was closed enough to cause confusion. This has led me to form a hypothesis. Squishy is really a different manifestation of the departed Shadow. Shadow disappeared and then reappeared at a much later time. However, in her travels she somehow passed through Ziggy and absorbed Ziggy's coloring and gender. This is supported by the fact that Squishy has approximately the same mass as Shadow.
I believe that my theories hold promise to help in space travel. There is evidence to support the notion that Shadow/Squishy's extended disappearance was caused by an extra-solar trip to the planet Ringworm, as there have been signs of it here and there.
Furthermore, Squishy has shown signs of the ability to teleport himself through walls. During the recent cold wave with lows close to zero, Squishy mysteriously appeared in our basement. Jean believes that he squeezed in through holes in our foundation and spent an afternoon in our crawlspace filling them in, only to have Squishy reappear in our heating ductwork the next day. Here I believe that we must invoke Occam's Razor and concede that teleportation is the simplest explanation for this phenomenon.
My scientific investigations of this continue, and I will keep you updated on further developments in this interesting area of scientific research.
By Bobby Neal Winters
As you may recall from my first article regarding the physics of cats, I live in a house that the laws of the universe have decreed to be a three-cat house. (This differs from what is commonly referred to as a cathouse in a number of interesting ways, but I digress.) That is to say, for some reason, my house is not allowed to have more than three cats. If we get rid of one, another comes to take its place, and if we get a fourth, one of the cats disappears.
As you may recall, this was tested last summer following my church's Vacation Bible School at which a kitten began to follow my Middle-Child around. Against my best scientific judgment, I allowed the kitten to be brought home. Sure enough the universe began to swallow up various parts of the kitten as my other cats crossed the property line at inopportune times.
This kitten was named "Shadow." Note the usage of the past tense, because Shadow is no longer among us, at least not in than manifestation. My wife Jean maintains that she was taken by college students as his disappearance coincided with that of some of our college-student neighbors, but to me, this is simply more support for my theory of "conservation of cats." Given the persistence of the three larger cats at my home, the universe simply reabsorbed her.
At least that is what I thought at the time. There have been other developments when have caused me to refine my theory further, but such is the way of the scientist.
During the month before Christmas, there was a lot of unexplained giggling. I only noticed this in hindsight. When you are the only man living in a house with four women ranging in age from five to I-better-not-say, there is a lot going on that you just don't understand and don't want to. However, at one point the giggling five-year-old wagged a cat into my presence.
For you to fully understand this, I need to describe our three main cats. Cat one is Ziggy who is a neutered, male tiger cat, cat two is Stars who is a black cat spotted with brown, and cat three is Hyper who is a rather scruffy Siamese given to puking at inopportune moments.
The cat which was wagged into my presence was a tiger cat, and I assumed, therefore, that he was Ziggy. However, upon further examination, prompted by my spouse saying, "Good grief, LOOK at the cat," I discovered that the animal was not Ziggy at all. He was smaller and scruffier, a kitten really.
My beloved, trusted family had been hiding this animal (in plain sight, I might add) for an even yet undisclosed period of time, and for no better reason than to see how stupid I was. The five-year-old called off the experiment when my density was proven to be off the scale.
The new arrival has been christened "Squishy" from a scene in Finding Nemo. Squishy has some odd properties that have made him worthy of further study. Squishy is a male and a tiger cat, which have already been mentioned. His resemblance to Ziggy was closed enough to cause confusion. This has led me to form a hypothesis. Squishy is really a different manifestation of the departed Shadow. Shadow disappeared and then reappeared at a much later time. However, in her travels she somehow passed through Ziggy and absorbed Ziggy's coloring and gender. This is supported by the fact that Squishy has approximately the same mass as Shadow.
I believe that my theories hold promise to help in space travel. There is evidence to support the notion that Shadow/Squishy's extended disappearance was caused by an extra-solar trip to the planet Ringworm, as there have been signs of it here and there.
Furthermore, Squishy has shown signs of the ability to teleport himself through walls. During the recent cold wave with lows close to zero, Squishy mysteriously appeared in our basement. Jean believes that he squeezed in through holes in our foundation and spent an afternoon in our crawlspace filling them in, only to have Squishy reappear in our heating ductwork the next day. Here I believe that we must invoke Occam's Razor and concede that teleportation is the simplest explanation for this phenomenon.
My scientific investigations of this continue, and I will keep you updated on further developments in this interesting area of scientific research.
