Right now I am searching for a church that fits. I am still having struggles though in my belief as I still feel I need to be a better person before I can give myself to Christ but in my heart I know that is foolish.
I was born into a Christian family, fell away in my teens, came back to the Lord when I was in my early twenties, and have been following as best as I can for seven years now. I'm still searching for a church that fits. I still feel that I am not good enough. You know what? I think this is exactly the right place to be, Tony.
"Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, and he himself will raise you up," says James.
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth," says Jesus.
We both started belonging to God and to his son Jesus Christ from the moment we asked him if we could belong; like the father welcomed back his prodical son with opened arms, so too were we welcomed into God's family. Jesus calls us his brothers for a reason, and it's not because we're so funky
The fact that you question yourself is a good thing, because it shows that you are aware of your shortcomings, that you want to be a better person, that you fell that you've missed out on things because you haven't followed him from the beginning. I feel the exact same way most of the time, and have found that it is the times that I don't feel at least somewhat inadequate that I am getting proud, and need to be reined-in.
Have you read the Revelation yet? If you have, you'll remember the description of how 24 elders are sitting around the throne in Heaven, each sitting on a throne of their own, each with a crown on their head. Notice how they bow down and offer their crown to God whenever they hear the four living creatures give him praise: In a sense they are saying, "I'm not good enough to be here." And yet that's where God has placed them, isn't it? Right next to him.
Let's both of us keep on praying, and hoping, and being critical of ourselves (not too much; just enough), because this will keep us humble, and in our humility it will allow God to have mercy on us, and to lift us up.
Marsh