Given his teachings, I tend to think he was talking about how to love oneself and others by seeing a person as a whole - i.e., not objectifying a person or equating the person with their physical self. But maybe we should make sure he was talking about adulterous interests versus lust in general.
Matthew 5:21-28:
21"(
Z)You have heard that the ancients were told, '(
AA)YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER' and 'Whoever commits murder shall be [
b]liable to (
AB)the court.'
22"But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before (
AC)the court; and whoever says to his brother, '[
c]You good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before [
d](
AD)the supreme court; and whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the [
e](
AE)fiery hell.
23"Therefore if you are (
AF)presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,
24leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be (
AG)reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.
25"(
AH)Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison.
26"Truly I say to you, (
AI)you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last [
f]cent.
27"(
AJ)You have heard that it was said, '(
AK)YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; 28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman (
AL)with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
That seems fairly straightforward to me, but I could be missing something. I think the passage speaks to an expansion of sin to point out that sin originates in thought and feeling. Actions do not happen from out of the blue. So, when we cleanse our thoughts and feelings and gain self-control over these things, we have a much easier time cleansing our actions. I think it is notable that this section ends with:
48"Therefore (
BJ)you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
I think God forgives us our imperfections, but I think our
goal and
inspiration should be perfect thought, feeling, and action. Jesus talks a fair bit about the distinction between outward appearance and inner sincerity- in our sins, in prayer, in fasting, and so forth. He emphasizes again and again a need for inner purity, inner giving up to God, as opposed to a semblance of it for society to see.
I suspect adultery may be to a large degree opportunistic and unplanned.
Actions don't happen without thought. While adultery may be opportunistic and un
scheduled, if someone is entertaining adulterous thoughts with someone, it is much more likely to influence their action. Most people I know who have committed adultery did so with a friend, a co-worker, or someone else that they already knew. This doesn't indicate a completely random event that is entirely situational. While they may not be planning to have an affair, they are encouraging their own thoughts and feelings about an affair, and this becomes associated with sexual arousal and makes it more likely that they would have an affair if they are given the opportunity. If one is self-controlled in thought and feeling, focusing on the love and atraction one has for one's spouse, then one's sexuality is more likely to be expressed toward that person.
Basically, it is training your mind and body to respond with arousal to your spouse rather than to other people.
There is quite a bit of evidence that the brain does not fully distinguish between actual action and thought. This is used rather extensively in training for sports, for example. You can progress much faster in training if you envision/think about perfect movements than if you do not, even while you are still learning and making mistakes. Our habitual thoughts train our bodies and minds to respond in certain ways.
When we think over and over about sexual relations with someone other than our spouse, we train our bodies and minds to become aroused based on this other person, and to find the idea of an affair with them more and more acceptable. Conversely, when we direct our thought to our own spouse each time we are sexually aroused (whatever the source), we train our bodies and minds to become aroused by our spouse, and we deal with the idea of an affair directly. Rather than having adulterous thought be something that just simmers without critical self-reflection, waiting for that opportunity to spring forth... we bring it into the light of self-reflection pre-emptively and deal with it.
Theories of sexual behavior abound, but very few insist that fantasy alone predict overt behavior. I realize that's not exactly what you said, but not considering other variables does give that impression.
Human sexuality is a very difficult area to gain any accurate data and theory about for a number of reasons. And it is not my expertise, nor do I claim it to be. I'm here giving my opinions in a dialogue with Muslims, not claiming expert knowledge on sexual behavior. I offer up my own observations from my life and the people I know, given what I know about human thought and action. That said...
I am not speaking about fantasies in general. I am speaking about encouraging thoughts of sex with particular people. As I said before, I am not
personally equating homosexuality with adultery, but rather saying that in Islam, both are treated as sin that has to do with misdirected sexuality. I am not saying I think homosexuality is misdirected sexuality, but rather providing insight about sexual thought and behavior with the example of adultery, which Muslims and I both perceive as ethical misconduct.
What I am saying is that my observation is that fantasizing about a person other than one's spouse on a regular basis trains one's mind and feelings to associate arousal with that person, and makes it more subconsciously acceptable to have an affair with that person (and to have an affair in general). You are basically training your mind and emotions to associate pleasure with a "new" person, rather than with your spouse. There are plenty of fantasies a person can have that involve their spouse, and Jesus' teachings seem to indicate that fantasies involving some other person are problematic. Why?
Well, for one you are training yourself to become aroused by someone other than your spouse. Secondly, persistent, habitual thought often leads to action if the opportunity arises, as the mind has had plenty of time to get used to the idea and associate it with pleasure. Thirdly, it means that, if the person is someone you know- a friend, a co-worker, etc.- that you are thinking about this person in an inappropriate way. You are being false. Superficially, you are treating the person with respect and acting as their friend or colleague when in your mind, you are imagining sexual intimacy with them. That doesn't seem quite right even if neither person is married. Seems far better all the way 'round to be up front and honest about your intentions toward another person, and to wait until you find out about their intentions toward you, then to engage in fantasies that can lead nowhere. While it may seem fun to have such fantasies, I have had many friends hurt by finding out this or that person thought of them as a sexual object rather than as a friend, colleague, or so forth. I have also had friends entertain these fantasies to the extent of infatuation with another person, and then have a lot of frustration and angst about finding the other person had no attraction toward them.
All of that seems like a lot of psychological and social suffering for just a bit of sexual arousal.
Specifically, normals actually have more sexual fantasies than sexual deviants.
All that would have to be qualified. What is normal, deviant, and so forth is culturally variable. Furthermore, what a normal person is likely to tell the researcher is questionable. In short, human sexuality is difficult to study because your average person in any society is reasonably concerned with appearing to be "normal" and so they will often not recognize or discuss what they feel guilty or ashamed about.
In a study that came out earlier this year, most people who engage in frequent deviant fantasies do not act on them. In short, there appears to be a weak fantasy/correlation behavior.
What was considered deviant? I am not talking about deviance as much as I am about relationship- in adultery, for example. I have seen a very strong correlation between an individual thinking a lot about an affair with a particular person and following through on it. I rarely see a person who has no thoughts or fantasies involving someone other than their spouse who suddenly commits adultery.
Furthermore, my point is that one can avoid the action and still have psychological and social cost to the marriage. Most people find it hurtful emotionally to hear of their spouse imagining sex with someone else. I guess we could say that everyone should "get over it" and just enjoy, but that doesn't seem very loving or respectful to the other person, to me.
I think the above is a possible example of how one might say things that have the potential to promote an unsound view of how people see their inner life, possibly even creating discomfort with or anxiety about some aspect of one's inner life (fantasy).
I think the view in question is an unfortunate misconception. I think people should enjoy their fantasies and admire each others' physical beauty.
First, I am not a religious leader. I'm just like anyone else here- I'm telling my experience and journey as I see it, thinking through problems of all sorts, and learning. I would wager everything any of us says has the potential to "promote unsound views." We are dealing with tricky stuff on this forum- our souls, God, evil and good, right thought and action- this is all difficult stuff. Why you would think I should magically be able to know the absolute truth and deliver it effectively is beyond me. I'm just another person having a chat...
Secondly, I don't think it's a bad thing for people to "create discomfort with or anxiety about some aspect of one's inner life (fantasy)." Some aspects of our inner/fantasy lives may be harmful to ourselves or others. We should have discomfort or anxiety about harmful things. That's often how we get the gumption to change. I am concerned about my whole being and its relationship with God, not just what I show through my actions. I am concerned about my feelings and thoughts. I think the Christian and Jewish scriptures both uphold a view that our thoughts and feelings matter to God. He wants us to be clean inside and out.
I am not at all a prude, and I'm very tolerant of other people's sexual lives. But I don't fool myself into thinking that anything about my sexuality- any thought or feeling or fantasy I have- is beneficial to me or my marriage. I have no problem with admiring physical beauty, but there is a difference (as I said) between appreciating someone's beauty and imagining having sex with them. The former is appreciating God's creation, the latter is imagining an intimacy that is arguably inappropriate.
In short, I don't think thoughts are necessarily harmless, and I feel called to self-reflection on my thoughts and to work toward thoughts and feelings pleasing to God as much as to work on actions. I don't think our inner life should serve just pleasure any more than our outer life should.
I hope that clarifies my position; I'm happy to address any ideas or questions you have about it to clarify further if needed. We may simply disagree about the purpose of our thoughts and feelings.
