would you still see him or what would you do

L

lover454

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Let say you decide to go speak to a psychologist. And you tell him (in this case it is a him - I am female) that you just want to enjoy your possessions that you have now. However, many times when you go to a store you feel compelled to buy and you dont want to feel compelled to buy, however, you emphasized "I just want to enjoy what I have and own them for the rest of my life and not feel compelled to buy" and he turns and gives the following option "Well if you buy, give one of your things away" and you emphasized before his remark on buying and giving one away "I want to keep everything I have now forever and not give anything away" would you be angry at him.

I confronted my therapist today on it and I said "You did not listen when I told you I want to keep what I have forever but not feel I must add and you threw out that option" and he said "I do listen, I heard everything, but is my job"

Would you still go to see him or find someone else to talk to.
 
I would still go and see him. Surely he is trying to make you see your possessions in a different way .. ie limit the amount you can have. If you have four and you know in your mind you can only have four then when you go shopping you only have the choice of buying a new one if you are prepared to give away one that you have.

So you have to make a choice, give one away or don't buy a new one. Each time you don't buy a new one because you don't want to lose one you already have you are teaching your mind not to feel compelled to buy.

It's quite clever psychology when you really think about it.
 
No I am not giving any away. I told him that I told him that I love everything I own.
 
But even I buy there is absolutely NO way I am giving any away. I love what I have and I am going to own them forever.
 
Lover,

I have been in therapy now for almost a year.

There are times when the Therapist upsets me SO much and I cry a lot and I wonder how any of this can be beneficial.

Then, that passes and I see the point he was trying to make. Then I scrunch op my face and nose and squint my eyes and say something like "that darn therapist!"

It makes me angry and I want to shut him out and stop seeing him - but I keep going and I find that the anger and the confrontation and *all* the things/topics that are covered (not just the ones that *I* approve) end up providing benefit in the end.

Only you can say if you are comfortable with your therapist and whether or not the space that he creates is one in which you can do the work you need to do.

However, I would caution you to *not* throw it away just because he has hit a nerve - I agree with the previous post - he seems quite clever actually...he has clearly isolated a hot spot of yours!

Use this to your advantage - ask yourself WHY you are mad - because he did not listen? because he did not do what you want? Figure out why *that* is bothering you. Perhaps Buddhists tend to seek the *root* of it all rather than the one current incident that triggers the bad feelings...perhaps after having dealt with those things, other things will not bother you as much? I know in my experience that has been the case :)


Sometimes the things that we think we are in therapy for are not at all the truths that we uncover once we have opened our minds to the possibilities.

~B
 
how sad.

"I love things".

"There's no way I'm giving any of my lovely things away, and I'll still keep buying, and then I'll feel..."...

what? Guilt? Worry when the bailiffs are hammering on the door? You'll feel... happy? Happy to live like a squirrel, squirreling things away, complelled to buy rubish you don't need, and pretend to love...

It sounds like...
a) you're greedy.
b) you're materialistic.
c) you're a hoarder.
d) you probably live beyond your means.

Keep seeing the psychologist. And stop buying stuff. Or at least, throw the old stuff away, otherwise your house will become a firetrap, and your pockets will be empty. You can't do it? Then you need to keep seeing the psychologist. And you probably need to cut up your little plastic cards and live on cash only for a while.
 
No he is not clever. I told him "I want to stop buying and just enjoy what I have" to me this is plain and smple and he should have listened. Therapists are thre to help you with what you need to be helped with and if you tell him what your goal is he/she is not to say the opposite. I told him what I needed to work on which was "To enjoy what I own and not buy anymore" - again plain and simple.

to sam - No I am not greedy, not a hoarder. please do not answer my posts any more. I wish there was a way to block you.
 
lover454 said:
Therapists are thre to help you with what you need to be helped with and if you tell him what your goal is he/she is not to say the opposite. I told him what I needed to work on which was "To enjoy what I own and not buy anymore" - again plain and simple.
Click to expand...


(...and Wow - Sam Albion - perhaps the reply was a wee bit harsh - I am thinking that we can still offer effective assistance without mocking someone - just a thought. I have not been on the site for long but name calling does not seem to be the way to go...? Yikes!)

And Lover - I am sorry but I completely disagree with you - if you want someone to be a YES man and only agree with what you say and only help the way *you* want, then you are not going to find help.

That is like going to a Mechanic with a broken tail light and INSISTING that the problem is the Wiper Blades and NOT ACCEPTING that *perhaps* the Mechanic knows something about fixing cars...Or telling the doctor that you want to be treated for Strep Throat when you have a broken arm...

I am sorry Lover - you are upset because he is doing his job correctly.

His job is to make YOU think - he has done so! His job is not to agree with what you say and pacify you like a child. You are getting your money's worth from this Therapist - you have been thinking about this for days now.

If new ideas are forbidden, then you *are* wasting money on Therapy.

Perhaps it is not needing to be satisfied with the stuff, but perhaps being OK/Happy in general with no regard to ... stuff?

Shopping and stuff is the *symptom.* Internal focus rather than external is the way to go...Seek out happiness irrespective of stuff - that is the true answer.

Good luck Lover,

~B
 
Sam Albion said:
how sad.

"I love things".

"There's no way I'm giving any of my lovely things away, and I'll still keep buying, and then I'll feel..."...

what? Guilt? Worry when the bailiffs are hammering on the door? You'll feel... happy? Happy to live like a squirrel, squirreling things away, complelled to buy rubish you don't need, and pretend to love...

It sounds like...
a) you're greedy.
b) you're materialistic.
c) you're a hoarder.
d) you probably live beyond your means.

Keep seeing the psychologist. And stop buying stuff. Or at least, throw the old stuff away, otherwise your house will become a firetrap, and your pockets will be empty. You can't do it? Then you need to keep seeing the psychologist. And you probably need to cut up your little plastic cards and live on cash only for a while.
Click to expand...


LOL, Sam/FK. I think you hit the nail on the head!!:)

Sorry Lover, but sometimes when you ask for advice, it may not be what you are expecting to hear.
I dont understand the compulsion to buy things etc. I guess in that respect I fail as a woman. LOL:eek::D
Sams and my opinion are just practical.
I also dont understand your actual problem. .....meaning....... if you want to buy something, (and can afford it) well, buy it. If you buy something and it makes you feel bad....... dont.

in my opinion your therapist is really trying to help you. If you disagree, go to another one.

Love the Grey
 
I did not say that a therapist has to be a yes man, but I specifically told him that I want to just enjoy what I have and not buy anymore and I want to work on not feeling compelled to buy. I never told him I wanted to get rid of what I have. And when I confronted him about this he hedged and horded about it, then when I kept confronting him abou this during the session he refused to talk about it.

I disagree with you guys. I majored in Pscyh in school and I was told that a therapist is supposed to follow their lead from the patient/client and if they want to work on something specific then you dont make recommendations like the one he did. And the other thing he was so free with what to do with my possessions.
 
lover454.......... its just stuff! that is all it is, just plain old stuff!! You can always get new stuff. If you lost it all in a fire (God forbid), you would replace your stuff.
 
to greymare you are so WRONG. This is not stuff. This is my clothes that are in greatshape and I love. He is a terrible therapist because a therapist does not give a recommendation like that if his client says "I want to keep what I have forever but not buy anymore". It is different if I said "I dont know what to do"
 
ok, so you love your clothes. great. I dont see what the problem is. Keep what you have and dont buy anymore. They will wear out I guess over time, so then you could buy exactly the same as you had. No problem. I dont mean to be flip.... Im just haveing a hard time understanding why you went to him in the first place.
 
to greymare: Clothes do not wear out, unless you dig ditches or not careful with them. Every piece of clothing I have I will own until the day I die. Originally I went to him just to talk about things, but to me a therapist would not say "this is my recommendation and tough noggies".
 
ah, well, that would be the difference between you and me. I have a favourite Billabong jumper(sweater) that my Daughter in law gave me, its a grey hoodie and I love it to death.......... but its getting holey etc, so soon, it will be time to retire it to the rag bag i have......thats where most of my clothes go. I dont think I have many, but they are all comfortable, but when they wear out,........... they get replaced, after all, they are just clothes and not people.

If you want a therapist to just agree with you and affirm what you think, then I think you dont need a therapist. You need a friend.
 
To Greymare; I take care of my clothes. No holes, all in excellent shape. Evidentally you do not take care of your clothes. I am so into fashion and I am so into taking care of my clothes that they never would ever get holey, ripped, or in bad shape.

And again my therapist has no right to tell me what to do with my things. And a therapist is not supposed to give you that option if I tell him specifically what I want to accomplish. I may get another therapist.
 
to Greymare this is going to sound stupid but what are your reasons for what you just wrote about getting another therapist.
 
You obviously need help, that is after all why you went to a therapist in the first place, is it not?
I suggest you see a different one because you dont like his advice.
you may see another one, who agrees with him, or not. but i think you will eventually find what it is you are looking for.
 
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