Bhaktajan's Wife has left him

Bhaktajan II

Bhaktajan II

Hare Krishna Yogi
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My wife has run away from the Hare Krishna Movement and taken my kids.
She has taken the children and declared that I am a fool for my beliefs and that I must follow her demands or she'll never let me see the Kids.
I would like to open this to discussion.
I will view all comments and respond. The advise that I seek here and the very discussion of this topic should be very revealing.
yours truely,
Bhaktajan

I will reveal and admit all details [except legal names] ---nothing is out of bounds.
 
bhaktajan--

I do not know what your legal status is (not knowing where you live). In general, she gets her way (though it would be hard to deny you visitation) as Mother in the legal system. Then there is the additional burden of your status as "cult member" or "incompetent parent". Check with someone in the movement who may know (this could bepend on state you are in or whether you are in Scotland or Britian).

Again in general, a very tough fight for you in the legal system if it gets that far.

Depends on where you are. Can you just let them go for your Lord? Can you let your Lord go for them? If the answer to either is "yes", do it now. If the answer is "no" to both it depends on your finances, legal help, support in your community, and the laws (both statutory and common--like are you considered a "cultist").

If the latter, send me message and I could put together a list of "things to do".

Best of luch and much love, friend.
 
Bhaktajan,
I'm very sorry to hear this news. Radar is spot on I'm afraid, women rule in this situation. But . . . I am sure Krishnas are not considered unfit parents and have raised families for a long time. Your beliefs can't be considered 'cult', it is a recognized religion if I am correct?

I wish I had more input, and again I'm sorry to hear this.
Keep us posted if you would.
 
I swept her into the Hare Krishna Movement.
She was catholic and very simply ---she drop out of school just before meeting her.

We first had two girls in a row ---then I made the proper adjustments . . . and then, we had two boys in a row. The youngest was born New Years eve.

When the youngest of four turned 11 months old.
My ex absconded with all four to her father's home.
I never approached nor will, nor even have considered approaching the father's home.

She had served my court papers asking for "Un-contested" divorce.

We have been apart for two years until now.

I will conceed as she wishes. It was my 'seed' ---by I conceed it was her 'field'.

She has proffered me a 'gentleman's agreement' [meaning, she spoke confidentially 'mano-a-mano' ---so as to represent my sentiments into the bargaining considerations ---knowing that she meant to re-turn the children into 'melechas', and how that was repugnant and 'adharma' to me and the reasons we were married and having children in the first place.]:

SHE KEEPS KIDS; and, SHE WILL NOT SEEK REMUNERATIONS FROM ME ---she would go on and live on the goverment dole (at least initially; yet, anyway, I will be afforded NO say about this with her.).
THE CHILDREN DO NOT NEED A FATHER; SHE WOULD BE BOTH TO THE KIDS. I WILL BE ABSOLVED OF ALL RESPONSIBILITIES TO SUPPORT HER AND THE KIDS.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Of course, I problem was . . . she was serious! So I sign the "Un-contested" divorce in her favor without meantion that My wife & I had had a chat ... with a common agreement. She'll take the children without looking back to the HARE KRISHNA CULT ---and I'll behave like a gentleman and renounce her and the kids.

OH! She asked that I renounce "Krishna et al" before any of the above was spelt out. Again, this attests to my ex's fair-play & good-sportsmanship sensibilties.

She has changed the born & documented birth names of all the children:
Sita, Amrita, and then, Narayana, and finally, Balarama.

Now they have different names.

All four had been born into a vegetarian mother (at the time) ---but then, immediately joined the rank and file of the "Fast Food Nation afficinados".

Last I spoke to my ex-wife . . . was "rebuking me in the name of the Lord" . . . and . . . 'speaking in tongues'.

...........................................................
Ya see . . . I was an only child of an immagrant woman that never spoke english well, later I came to know that she was little formally schooled in the old country. My dad was a merchant seaman. Last I saw him I was six year old. When he returned from sea he'd be abusive and several times the cops took him away ---this I remember well ---being a very precosious child as I was always.

Nonetheless, my Mom made several (ignoble, IMHO, yet thus, noble in an certain way) attempts to find & meet up with my Dad (w/me tagging along) . . . to introduce afresh his little blond son. My mum must have thought that, 'as soon as He looks upon his young boy again, he'll come back'.

Luckily there were many other recent immigrants neighbors like my cousins and uncles ---this I remember all very well without interuption of recollections.
................................................

So my own degree of insight into the human condition is:

My ex-wife will poison my children against "dharma".

My oldest daughter was right handed. She wrote the sanskrit alphabet on a piece of paper that I have kept. I have found out that she is Left-Handed.

My seconded eldest daughter was given a middle name ---that was the same as my own mother. I assume it was stricken. I actually was rediculed by this daughter when she I last spoke to her before the seperation, when she was 3 years old . . . I was reading to her while she was on my lap (the cover of the Book showed a painting of the scene of "Little Krishna eating lunch with the Little Gopas") . . . I started to well up with tears ... My daughter said to me, "babu is koo-koo" and immediately got down off my lap and hurried away. I thought at the time (aside from the pointed jap; and, the very use of the term 'koo-koo'), where does she think she's going? Why would she not be entralled by my company?

My dreaded fear is:
The Kids will Not be led to think that their mum wanted things as they will be ---but rather, their mother was forced by my "delinquencies". Period!

I will be looked upon a symbol of "The Bizzaro World" ---even as the world becomes, indeed were already way passed Orwellian, more and more "Stupid par excellance".

Might I venture to speculate on the state of the World when they graduate school?

..........................
My concern is not my degree of renunciation and or extra work.

It's about being set-up to finance my ex-wife's affairs.
She has taken four children with the state's assistence.
Why would she not ask for more. Should I be confident in her gentlemen's aggreement?

If I seek visitation, she will deny it. She will resort to liable under oath ---thus, it would be my fault that she would be made to make "false witness".

BTW, "restraining order(s)" ---I almost omitted this: Has any one, such as I have, been issued a court mandated "restraining order" by someone ...that you have no intention of seeking out? I have.

Well, I did directly go to visit them all ---once, after recieving the "Divorce Papers" which contained her heretofore unknown to me, her Address.

After I indeed when unannounced and knocked on the door of her flat ---she welcomed me in and showed my around; even the hot dogs in the freezer. I spoke to the kids, saw their room, and left back to work.

Shortly thereafter that same day, Policemen showed up at my job informing me that I was under immediate "Order of protection" ---since one had just been requested and was being processed as they spoke ---the cops were making a courtesy call so that I accidently didn't return to the ex's flat and then be surprised by the court order.

So, thus the kids will be feed what to think and what to make of the Father ---all pursuant to an aggenda set by thier mum. And most importantly, Their father is to be thought as a criminal. And more over, that the only people that will love and protect them will be whomever their mother says so.

I will have been removed.
Any lack of effort I make to disturb the Mother's wishes will be interpreted as my abandonment of them.
Any Effort I make to disturb the Mother's wishes will be interpreted as my aggressive intrusion.

My ex "Game Set Matched" me.

If life reflects Art . . . Then the darkening of the stars that were 'my' children will probably portend the opposite spectrum occurring too.

I had Little Buddhas. Those Buddhas will be mentored by other than myself.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

BTW, "Game Set Matched" the movie ---with Ian Holm.
Does Acorn Videos carry it yet? That movie is so similar to my experience here.
 
bhajaktan,

i am sorry to hear your news. It's a bit late now, but my advice would've been -- don't sign anything until you've taken legal advice!

I am assuming you're based in the US, and I cannot advise you of your rights because of this, but, if you were in the UK, unless you have beaten or abused the children, you would be legally entitled to have regular contact, so long as you're named as their father on their birth certificates.

A restraining order sounds harsh, but women are often told to take them out so the fathers have no choice but to stay away. It's a cruel tactic, but this does not mean you cannot see the children -- just their mother. In the UK, you can meet your children at contact centres, if the court orders it, and there is nothing she can do.

Yes, the kids will become meateaters, mlecchas, but... if you see them, you can still give them prasadam. You feel like your little daughter insulted you, but she is just a small child, and she will do and say things that she hears and sees other people do -- please don't feel bad about her saying daddy is kookoo. She has probably been told this by her Mummy. Don't play the same game, and tell them Mummy is kookoo. You must rise above all that.

She cannot force you to choose between Krsna and the children -- not only is that unfair, legally, but it is also immoral. There is no choice, here. You have Krsna, and you also have children. There is no reason why you cannot still have both. It is unreasonable of her to try to make you choose.

unless you have been beating her and the children, or are subjecting the children to torture. which I hope you haven't!

So... give her the divorce. Be dignified. But keep in touch with your children. Get some advice from a solicitor. You have rights, too. And so do the children. It doesn't have to get ugly -- but if you want to see the children, you might have to fight.

As for money... open a bank account, in each child's name. A few dollars/pounds a week, every week, into each child's account, if you can afford this, will prove to these children, when they have grown, that you wanted to provide for them.

Keep things civil. Comply with any instructions the courts give you. Even if the worst happens, and you do not get to see your children again, they will one day come looking for you. And when they do... you can show them the bank accounts, and the letters from the courts, and you can tell them you always loved them. Hopefully, they will understand.

It must be hard. But... try to stay optimistic. And decide what you want. Yes, you will have to respect her wishes, but she must try to respect yours, too.

Best wishes to you.
 
I'm so sorry to hear about this Bhaktajan. :(

Women do NOT absolutely rule in these circumstances--keep that in mind. However, if she is taking State assistance, your options will probably be quite limited.

If your ex-wife is "speaking in tongues," she's prolly in the throws of makyo, which can exasperate an already touchy situation even more.

Children are quite flexible, and are often put into the unfortunate situation of having to raise their parents.

As for your daughter switching dominate hands: she will adapt. I was forced into being right-handed against my natural left-handedness. She will develop her own style.

Now that you have your ex-wife's address, you can still send correspondence to your children. You can keep the lines of communication there so your children can reach out to you in the future.

My prayers are with you and your family.
 
Bhaktajan,

I'm so sorry that this has beset your family. You are very brave to openly post such details publicly. You will need this braveness and the compassion I know you have to work through this low time in your life. It is also sad for all parties of course. Please make sure you get whatever support you can, in whatever form needed.

(also, I think Sam's post is very good; IMO)

Good wishes to you.
 
Certainly retain an attorney to represent your interests..All these issues of support payments, visitations, etc. will have to be resolved...

Where I live they require at least three sessions with a conciliation counselor before a divorce is recognized... Cooperate.

I would suggest seeking counseling at least for yourself..as this is a trying time and at least explore what were some of the dynamics that led to this impasse.. and possibly avoid future repetition..

Lastly, know that they will always be your children and that in the long run even though things may look rather dismal in the short term, the long term future may hold more than you know in terms of your ties with your children.
 
Keep things civil. Comply with any instructions the courts give you. Even if the worst happens, and you do not get to see your children again, they will one day come looking for you. And when they do... you can show them the bank accounts, and the letters from the courts, and you can tell them you always loved them. Hopefully, they will understand.
 
Thank you all for your wise and conciderate advise.

I must admit that the events I described have mostly come to pass already.

I could not, in good conscience, post this story in 'real-time'.

Enought time has past since these events transpired ---that I felt enough tactful distance in 'time'.

So, I can assure all parties concerned ---that I have acted with all sense of civility and decorum. I will not and would not force my dictates upon any one, especially when the stakes are all in other peoples hands.

Apparently, my hands have been tied and I have lost any sort of control.
My personal opinions and goals and obligations have been negated.

I have found myself envious when I see prison-inmates get more recognition from their outside families ---than I can expect from the whole assembly of extended family and legal parties that aided my ex-wifes "de-programming of Krishna Consciousness".

I guess the universe will take care of things ---along with some cadre of Hindu Brahmins with Doctors' Degrees at the local surgery.

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Honestly, at this time, the insights gained via my own experience is all that I have now ---and thus, I would hope that tangential subjects borne of the OP may be explored here.
 
'Tis best to let go and let G!d, I always found. I did that in my legal problem (about a year ago I tried to kill and did harm my bride). I was incarcerated (not fun) and underwent therapy (psychological and pharmacological). But she saved me (found not guilty by reason of temporary insanity). All I could do was surrender. Hard, ego-shattering experience. That was very hard to admit and I do not really want to openly discuss it. Bless you, Friend.
 
Etu Malku said:
Your beliefs can't be considered 'cult', it is a recognized religion if I am correct?
Click to expand...
Hare-Krishna is a valid hindu philosophy (Chaitanya Mahaprabhu - Achintya Bheda Abheda Advaita - translated roughly by me as 'don't worry whether you are one with God or different'). Bhaktajan is free to correct me if I am wrong.
 
This is sad to hear. However, it is bound to happen where converts are made to change their lifestyles abruptly, especially among HKs. HK and many other modern Hindu cults/branches as long as they ignore age old traditions of Hinduism and twist its practices to suit its followers, it will lead to disaster. It does not take a long time before its present followers will reject HK or similar cults. I have seen it happen with my experience in HK and am glad I left any association with them. Being an Indian, I was never convinced with their entire system.
 
PP already went against tradition when he crossed the sea and initiated beef eating mletcha with yajnopavita...there is nothing more one can do against established traditions of dharma shastra...the final nail was driven into the coffin right at the beginning...
 
Is crossing seas new to Hindus? How did Hinduism reach Thailand, Cambodia, Malaysia, Indonesia, Vietnam, and even Philippines? Dwarika, Lothal, etc. were ports trading with the middle-east.
 
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