somewhere between the Big and small C

Vajradhara

Vajradhara

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Namaste everyone,

i hope you and those you love are well. i found out this evening that my oldest child has throat cancer. i don't know what stage it's in however it has been, apparently, several years since the initial diagnosis and he's simply not told anyone until a few months ago.

i don't really feel helpless, per se, though i do feel quite a bit like i have no idea what to do now. i have a massively complex sense of my feelings and emotions and i'm trying to sit mindfully with him and appreciate this holy moment as it arises. it's very, very difficult.

have any of you dealt with news of this nature with your children? if so what did you do that provided you some solace?

metta,

~v
 
Much love and hugs...

I cannot relate anything in my life with my children in such a regard... But know that your son is not his diagnosis, he is not the disease.

When my sister was sick with complications from diabetes, my mom told us to simply be the best siblings we could be...let her do whatever worrying was required, let the docs do what they do...and we be the family we always were for her.
 
Not quite the same; my younger brother John was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer before he decided to tell anyone about it. He went thru the normal procedures, aggressive chemo and radiation treatments which bought him a little time. Though the Docs tried to keep up a hopeful front they were honest enough to say this was unlikely to have a good ending.

Unfortunately that was the truth of it and my brother died a year later, just after his 50th birthday. He leaves behind a girl friend and two daughters in their early 20's from a previous marriage. The eldest daughter had medical control of my brother's situation and sad to say, she took an 'I know what I am doing and don't need your advice' kind of approach. So I was not only helpless to help my brother, I couldn't even contribute good counsel to my headstrong niece. Talk about feeling helpless.

Solace? I don't believe in gods, so no help there. I do believe that the universe is neither fair, nor unfair - it simply is. This did help me in coping. Stuff happens. Good stuff happens. Bad stuff happens. To everyone. It is not a test. It just is and you have to find the where withal within yourself to come to terms.

Far as suggestions that are a bit more concrete, I have a brother younger than John, and we supported each other a lot. I also am not ashamed to ask for help when I need it, and I saw a counsellor for a while who listened to me and helped me gain some insights.

My best advice is to accept the help that is available and do not be ashamed to get professional help. My deepest hope to you and your family that your situation has a happier ending!
 
Thank God, I have not gone through this with a child, but I did with my mom so I can relate on some level and my heart goes out to you. Faith and prayer was the only thing that got me and her through it. My mom didn't get diagnosed until it was much, much too late, but you say it's been several years since your son's diagnosis. That's a good sign. Has he had any treatment since then?
 
Namaste Jesus said:
Thank God, I have not gone through this with a child, but I did with my mom so I can relate on some level and my heart goes out to you. Faith and prayer was the only thing that got me and her through it. My mom didn't get diagnosed until it was much, much too late, but you say it's been several years since your son's diagnosis. That's a good sign. Has he had any treatment since then?
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he's been....reluctant... to share anything. it's a wonder that he called which indicates the serious nature of the issue to the family that knows him well. he wouldn't answer when asked what stage the cancer was in. i really have little clue in this regard and, i suppose, that must be contributing to my sense of not knowing a skillful action to take.
 
Vajradhara said:
i don't really feel helpless, per se, though i do feel quite a bit like i have no idea what to do now. i have a massively complex sense of my feelings and emotions and i'm trying to sit mindfully with him and appreciate this holy moment as it arises. it's very, very difficult.
Click to expand...
I too have had to go through this with a parent, but not a child and in my case a stroke rather than cancer. From the statement underlined above, I'd say you're doing all you can under the circumstances and there is solace in that. Don't give up hope though. It ain't over til it's over and should that day come to pass take heart and be at peace. For me, I found comfort in my dad's own words, "Our time in the flesh is temporary; a better existence awaits." God Bless.....
 
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Namaste all,

thank you all for the support and the suggestions. it's been a very difficult weekend. i suspect this holiday season will be as well.

metta,

~v
 
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