New and a bit desperate

[Lyari]

Hello everybody!


*bumps into the introduction section*


My name is Lyari and I just signed up for this forum because of a few problems I have. I would love to share my story with people to ask for advise, so hopefully you guys could help me. With many advisors plans could be accomplished, I hope... '


I have to warn you before I start: my native language isn’t English and I’m very bad with orthography so I hope you could follow my post, even though some of the worth’s are miss-spelled. Let me start with the beginning:


Okay, so three years ago I started my study as a chemistry student. In my year there where several nice persons, mainly boys. I ,almost instantly, became friends with a Muslim boy in my class and we had many conservations about believe, motorcycles and other common interests (marvel, comics in general and traveling). It took a month for us to realize that we were more then friends, a ‘kind of relation’ was born.

I was 17 at that time while he was 21. It was the first relationship for us both so we did not really know what to expect. I’m a Christian myself so our parents did not approve of our relationship, we decided not to tell them yet because it was not very serious and we both did not want the trouble of an angry family. After a while, we developed stronger feelings towards each other. I can say now, almost four years later, that I’ve found my soulmate and that I love G (sorry, but because of safety reasons I will not tell the name of my boyfriend) more than I love any other person in the world. That probably sounds a little girlish, especially when you realize that I’m only 20 years old right now. But don’t let my young age foul you. I’ve had my share of problems in my youth. My brother got paralyzed during an accident when I was thirteen an I started to work at that age. Three years later, my mother got an ski-accident and ended up in the hospital and the care of my brother came on my shoulders. I now live as a home nurse with my brother while I work 50 hours pro week and have to keep my spiritual routine of Bible reading, meditation and studying.

So, now you know a part of my situation. Let me tell you some of the problems now. My boyfriend and I want to take our relationship a step further. Because of our parents disapproval and our demanding studies and jobs we see each other only one time in two weeks. We can’t meet after 10 because I’m not aloud to go out at night and we can’t spend days in each others company without being afraid of getting busted. We decided to start searching for a house and we founded one. The house was a little bit on the big side for us so we asked one of his best friends and his girlfriend to come and live with us. They already live in the house now. G and I don’t want to live with each other without being married, because we both think that God will disapprove of that. We decided to tell our parents of our marriage plans and then prick a date to get married. But his parents already said he will be disinherited if he continues his relation with me while my parents don’t want to have any connection with me if I marry him. My brother also, does not want to have any contact with me if I continue with my relation, even though he actually needs me to take care of him. This is very hard. I have to choose between my family, who needs me, and my soulmate. G already made up his mind and told his parents that he loves me and wants to marry me. This brings me in a situation that I need to make a decision, and I need to make it fast. Our friends are waiting in the house on us, G already told his parents and has a really hard situating at home because of this and I’m still here... afraid to make such a decision.

I think that I would make this hard decision easier if I was sure that God approved of our relationship. I’m told that God only approves of marriages when you marry someone who also follows your religion. This is based on scriptures like ‘Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers.’ (2 Corinthians 6:14) and story of the wives of king Solomon. I get these points, I think it’s harder to have a relation with somebody of an other religion and I do think you are exposed to more ‘danger’ to become a non-believer or to switch to another believe but… this does not have to be so…

There are some stories were the relationship between a non-believer and a believer went well. For example Ruth. She was a non believer in the almighty God when she married her first husband Mahlon, and she is a perfect example of a true and loyal believer later on. But is it honest to say that a marriage between a non-believer and a believer is okay based on one good experience and forgetting all the bad examples?

G told me that he did not believe that God would disapprove of our love because God is love. He thinks that something so pure only could exist because of God. Furthermore, G and I are both not non-believers. We both believe in one almighty God who created the world. We worship him in different ways but we do believe. We respect each other and will do everything for each other to ensure that we could both worship God on a way which makes us comfortable. He could always go to the Mosque on Friday and I can attend my Thursday and Saturday meetings weekly. We encourage each other to study and ask questions when we don’t know something. We talked about one of us converting to the other believe but we can’t do that. Believe isn’t something you could choose. If you truly believe in God on a certain way you could not change the way you think because of a person. God will and needs to be your first priority, so we have to respect each other chooses. I did read the Quran though, because I wanted to see for myself. G also red the bible. We both want to worship God instead of being loyal to a believe that might not be the right one.

Anyway, I’m just not sure. I get the feeling that I bend my believe in God just to fulfill my own desires. I feel shy, ashamed and confused when I talk to God privately but I'm not sure that those feelings are well-grounded, maybe they just come from years of tutoring instead of clear thinking. Does somebody have tips for me? Maybe certain scriptures or websites? Any tips on how to tell my parents or to who I’ve to talk?


Sorry for the massive texts and thanks in advance for all your time. I almost got a burn out because of my situation and I just can’t see the answer any more.

With kind regards,
Lyari

 

[Thomas]

Hi Lyari —
The first thing I would say, as a Christian, is follow the example of Christ.

I'm thinking of Christ who healed the centurion's daughter (Matthew 8, Luke 7) and also of another foreigner, the centurion Cornelius (Acts 10). The Christ who spoke to Samaritans (really disliked by the Jews), to tax-collectors, wine-bibers, publicans and prostitutes.

... I’m told that God only approves of marriages when you marry someone who also follows your religion.

No, that's not quite true. Religions prefer it, it's what every religion declares — indeed every tribe declares — because it's very much part of human nature, but it is our nature, it's not God's nature.

Look at 1 Corinthians 7:
"And let not the husband put away his wife... If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she consent to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And if any woman hath a husband that believeth not, and he consent to dwell with her, let her not put away her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife; and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband: otherwise your children should be unclean; but now they are holy." (7:11-14)

So God sanctifies the marriage even when one is an unbeliever. Why? Because love conquers all.

Peter himself has said: "... In very deed I perceive, that God is not a respecter of persons. But in every nation, he that feareth him, and worketh justice, is acceptable to him" (Acts 10:34-35).

 

[Lyari]

Thank you for reaction and your help Thomas, it's refreshing to see somebody truly wants to help me instead of pushing me to a side.
I gave your response a thought and I hope you can follow my response.

I love your idea of following Jesus. He truely is an example of pure love for everybody, but he's also strict in following orders of God. I think off the occasion that the devil wants Jesus to convert stones into bread when he fasted for a long time and was very hungry. He did not put his own wantings before those of God and did not fall in the trap of the devil. Could this be the same with me?

Look at 1 Corinthians 7:

"And let not the husband put away his wife... If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she consent to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And if any woman hath a husband that believeth not, and he consent to dwell with her, let her not put away her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife; and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband: otherwise your children should be unclean; but now they are holy." (7:11-14)

I thought that Paul ment that when you are already in a relationship with somebody, and one of the couple is starting to believe, it's not a good reason for divorce. If you look to the whole chapter of 1 Corinthians 7 it's an explanation of Paul why he chooses to be single. Furthermore, he explains that marriage is okay, when you cannot contain yourself but that you can't seperate with your husband without good reasons. If your unbelieving wife/husband wants to stay with you, you can not seperate from them. Verse 16 then explains that the reason behind this is that the believing partner could win the unbelieving partner over with good deads en behaviour. Paul later declaires that it would not be wise to gain a relationship with a non-believer (2 Cor. 6:14) so if it is already the case, you could make the best of it but it would be best to just not enter that situation.


On the other side, God loves people from every nation if they fear him and do what is right in his eyes. So it would not be bad to love those people to I suppose. But then we have to discuss when somebody fears God and does 'what's right in his eyes'. My parents disagree that my boyfriend does what's right in Gods eyes because he does not worships God on the same manner as they do. But I’m not sure that God would be so short-sighed. Off course, you should always do your absolute best to search for the truth and live the best your can. But if you intent to do that and you truly believe that you are right (even tho maybe that isn’t the case) I hope a God of love would still love you for your intensions.

 

[Thomas]

He truely is an example of pure love for everybody, but he's also strict in following orders of God.

Same thing. God is Love. Commandment 1: Love God. Commandment 2: Love thy neighbour.

I think off the occasion that the devil wants Jesus to convert stones into bread when he fasted for a long time and was very hungry. He did not put his own wantings before those of God and did not fall in the trap of the devil. Could this be the same with me?

Well it could be... only you can answer that one.

I thought that Paul ment that when you are already in a relationship with somebody, and one of the couple is starting to believe, it's not a good reason for divorce.

Yes he was, but I think it points to a wider understanding, too.

If you look to the whole chapter of 1 Corinthians 7 it's an explanation of Paul why he chooses to be single.

Well Paul would rather everybody would be celebate, but that's not going to happen, and if it did, Christianity would have died out very quickly!

If your unbelieving wife/husband wants to stay with you, you can not seperate from them. Verse 16 then explains that the reason behind this is that the believing partner could win the unbelieving partner over with good deads en behaviour.

I would say that the two parties love each other: "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife; and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband" (v14).

My aunt was married to a non-believer, but in our family there is an event we regard as a 'miracle' and my non-believer uncle was the recipient of the miracle.

Paul later declaires that it would not be wise to gain a relationship with a non-believer (2 Cor. 6:14) so if it is already the case, you could make the best of it but it would be best to just not enter that situation.

Well life would be simpler if both believed the same thing.

You are facing that future. What of kids? What faith will they be raised in? There's a lot of questions down the line. A lot of tests and trials ...

... I hope a God of love would still love you for your intensions.

That's the best hope we have!

 

[Lyari]

S
You are facing that future. What of kids? What faith will they be raised in? There's a lot of questions down the line. A lot of tests and trials ...

Great point and I don't have an answer. My boyfriend and I talked about it, but a solution is hard to find. We could try to raise them with our perspectives both, and also the respect we have towards each other. The children would have to decide for themselves what they think and what they believe.

Maybe this is private, so please say so if I cross a line here but how did your Aunt and Uncle manage their marriage? Did they have kids?

 

[wil]

I will provide a non religious answer.... As I would not let religion get in the way of a relationship.

21, and 17? You are both too young to think about marrriage, and both first relationships too?

I know I sound like an old fart, and I am...but finish your studies, see the world, establish yourself as an adult....I also know about love, the feels, the first relationship....oh my what I am saying is hard, but you have a lot of growing up to do! The part of your brain that considers future consequences with today's actions isn't fully developed till 25 for you and 27 for him.

I know how strong it all feels but you have years ahead of you, no rush on marriage, creating a household, all those things will turn your life upside down (and then the family issues) you need their support in a young relationship.

Your English or translation is darn good, what is your native language and country?

 

[Nick the Pilot]

Hi Lyari,

I agree that choosing the religion of your children is one of the biggest questions to think about right now. But you must also assure that either set of parents will not interfere with this. I know of several cases where the Christian mother-in-law interfered and forced the young couple to have the baby baptized. Can you assure that this type of interference will not happen?

And has your partner clearly stated they will also allow the child to freely decide?

 

[Namaste Jesus]

Hi Lyari, welcome to the forum. A bit confused here. You say your boyfriend is Muslim, yet you seem to be putting him in the category of non-believer. Most Muslims I know are quite devote and do in fact recognize Jesus. Just not as God in the flesh. So to me it's not a question of non-belief, but a difference in belief and I personally don't see that as a huge problem. That said however, most who follow Islamic teachings expect perspective spouses to either be Muslim or willing to convert. Is that the case here and if so, would you be willing to do that?

As for myself, I've been in a mixed faith marriage for almost 30 years. I'm Christian and my wife Hindu. So I can tell you 1st hand, it can and does work, provided there is a lot of mutual respect and understanding all around. That is key. As for family acceptance, while that would be ideal, at the end of the day it's your life. Your happiness supersedes theirs. In my case, my family, mainly my mom, wasn't overjoyed by my choice for spouse, but once she got to know her she eventually came around. On my wife's side, religious difference never really came into it. Her family was more concerned about their 20 year old daughter leaving her country of birth and entering unfamiliar surroundings.

I hope that helps in some small way or at least gives you something to think about. I truly wish you and your intended all the best.

 

[Lyari]

Thanks for all the reactions people <3

21, and 17? You are both too young to think about marrriage, and both first relationships too?

I understand what you're saying and a part of me feels the same way. But in some area's of the world people are getting married a lot younger. Isn't the trend of marriage after your thirties something from the 21ste century? A way for people to feel free and stuff? Time to drink, party and try different partners? A lot of my friends got married at 18 or younger and look happy. Do not know if they truly are tho.


My native language is Dutch (I live in the Netherlands) but my education is in American English. I’m better with reading English than writing it tho… xD

But you must also assure that either set of parents will not interfere with this. I know of several cases where the Christian mother-in-law interfered and forced the young couple to have the baby baptized. Can you assure that this type of interference will not happen?


And has your partner clearly stated they will also allow the child to freely decide?

First point is a yes. I’ll not have contact with my family if I pull through so they will not have influence on our children. And we don’t let young ones getting baptized. It’s an adult choose and you could make it when you’re ready to make such decisions by yourself.

Second point, not exactly. Kids are a difficult issue because my partner sees it as his duty to raise his kids according to the islam. If I understand him correctly he could marry me because he’s a man and he’s the head of the family, what makes him able to choose the religion of his kids. He said that he did not really believe that and that his children could choose whatever they wanted to be. But he really wants to give them enough information to choose, so he will teach them what he knows. I’m free to also do that but we did not discuss all the specifics. Like going to meetings or to the Mosque.

You say your boyfriend is Muslim, yet you seem to be putting him in the category of non-believer. Most Muslims I know are quite devote and do in fact recognize Jesus. Just not as God in the flesh. So to me it's not a question of non-belief, but a difference in belief and I personally don't see that as a huge problem.

Yeah, I figured that that point would raise some confusion. From house out (my parents are kind of strict) if have been told that the people who aren’t in the same religion are non-believers even tho they might believe in some similarities. I would not like to discuss that, it’s just the way I’m raised and my parents are free to think so… but I’m free to think different as well.


I do believe that my partner is a believer, but indeed, he believes on a different way. But I'm not entirely sure that the arguments I made are invalid for a difference in belief, maybe my arguments are poorly expressed…

As for myself, I've been in a mixed faith marriage for almost 30 years. I'm Christian and my wife Hindu. So I can tell you 1st hand, it can and does work, provided there is a lot of mutual respect and understanding all around. That is key. As for family acceptance, while that would be ideal, at the end of the day it's your life. Your happiness supersedes theirs. In my case, my family, mainly my mom, wasn't overjoyed by my choice for spouse, but once she got to know her she eventually came around. On my wife's side, religious difference never really came into it. Her family was more concerned about their 20 year old daughter leaving her country of birth and entering unfamiliar surroundings.


I hope that helps in some small way or at least gives you something to think about. I truly wish you and your intended all the best.

Congratulations on your 30 years, sounds like a wonderful marriage. Really brave of you guys to choose for each other instead of family.

 

[A Cup Of Tea]

I think you are very brave to share so much, perhaps too brave? I have been very impressed by the other posters so far, great advice guys, but there will inevitably come posters who will use your intimate details to justify their own position on matters. I hope you will thank them for their council and promptly ignore it!

And please don't worry about your English, it's very good and they are used to my sloppy English.

Here's to you choosing your best life, whatever it is!

 

[Thomas]

Hi Lyari —

Isn't the trend of marriage after your thirties something from the 21st century?

From the 21st century affluent west, yes ... but then isn't this where you live?

The average for the 20th century was a 42-45% divorce rate, and this seems set to continue into the 21st.

Statistics tend to say that the 'best years' in terms of marriage survival are between 28-32. Relationship breakdown is high among teen/early twenties, then dips across the thirties, then picks up again for those marrying in their later thirties.

Then again, divorce and separation among the older, eg 60+, is increasing significantly as life expectancy allows for a more active life beyond what was once considered 'old age'.

First point is a yes. I’ll not have contact with my family if I pull through so they will not have influence on our children.

This is something you really will have to think about. That's a big loss...

Will your husband lose touch with his family?

Second point, not exactly. Kids are a difficult issue because my partner sees it as his duty to raise his kids according to the islam.

OK, hang on a minute. One minutes you say both of you are prepared to separate from your faith/family traditions, but it seems to me G is not separating from his. Raising kids as Moslem is quite a Moslem tradition.

Your basic 'problem' is that you're Christian, he's Muslim, and neither party is particularly happy about their children marrying outside the faith.
So you surrender your faith/family, he remains in his.

You give up your family, he remains in his.

I would reckon that, based on the above, you will surrender your wishes regarding any children, he will remain in the idea that he knows what's best for his children ...

If I understand him correctly he could marry me because he’s a man and he’s the head of the family, what makes him able to choose the religion of his kids.

Oooh dear, I'm sorry, but that's a warning signal for me. What other decisions concerning you does he believe are his to make? This is quite a 'fundamental' assumption in the present day, to assume the man makes the decisions.

He said that he did not really believe that and that his children could choose whatever they wanted to be. But he really wants to give them enough information to choose, so he will teach them what he knows. I’m free to also do that but we did not discuss all the specifics. Like going to meetings or to the Mosque.

Hmmm ...

I think you are resting on too many assumptions that 'we'll work it out' when it seems to me what 'we'll work it out' means is a lot of 'what I want' from him, further down the road!

It seems to me you are making the sacrifices for the relationship, whereas he will continue his life with little change. I am prepared to wager if you have children he will want them raised Muslim, with input from him and his family, with no input from you that conflicts with what he's teaching them, they will go to Mosque, etc., etc.

This is not a partnership founded on an equal footing ...

Can I ask, what denomination of Christianity do you/your folks belong to?

 

[wil]

I have a friend who just yesterday landed in your country! She is going to be splitting time working between Nigmigen and Côte de Voire...

And yes getting married at 25-35 is a 21st century thing... But that has more to do with time than age, before the 1950s you could learn everything you wanted to have a trade by 8th grade... And those young adults were out working and having children by that age, but they didn't have cell phone bills and cable bills nor take 12-16+ years to get an education and established in a career.

If it is love and perfect would not not having those bills and responsibilities and commitment be easier in 3 or 4 years allowing each family time to know you both?

 

[Namaste Jesus]

Oooh dear, I'm sorry, but that's a warning signal for me. What other decisions concerning you does he believe are his to make? This is quite a 'fundamental' assumption in the present day, to assume the man makes the decisions.

Yeah, that kind of raised a red flag for me as well and I tend to agree with your summation. Seems to me Lyari's intended is putting her on notice.

 

[StevePame]

Yeah, that kind of raised a red flag for me as well and I tend to agree with your summation. Seems to me Lyari's intended is putting her on notice.

Echoing my thoughts on this same passage, too.

 

[wil]

What will happen with your brother if you are not there to care for him?

What will happen to your family if your income does not help support them?

Who is paying for the house you found currently?

Do you know that the part of our brain that determines future consequences of today's actions isn't fully formed till one is 25 or so?

Have you finished your schooling?

On children, have you discussed and agreed to them being raised in Islam?

 

[Lyari]

OK, hang on a minute. One minutes you say both of you are prepared to separate from your faith/family traditions, but it seems to me G is not separating from his. Raising kids as Moslem is quite a Moslem tradition.

Your basic 'problem' is that you're Christian, he's Muslim, and neither party is particularly happy about their children marrying outside the faith.
So you surrender your faith/family, he remains in his.

You give up your family, he remains in his.

I would reckon that, based on the above, you will surrender your wishes regarding any children, he will remain in the idea that he knows what's best for his children ...

Wait, we are both prepared to separate from family, but I'll not lose my faith for a person. Or do you only mean the traditions of family and faith? Then yes, well, kind off. I think it depends on what you call faith traditions. Things like praying, going to meetings and bible reading will continue for me, and same goes for him.

My partner will loose his family to. He says that his family disinherit him and that he'll not be welcome in his families house. But we are not certain that this is entirely true. He already told his parents that he wants to be with me, but he's (for now) still welcome to live with his parents. He's got a hard time though, that's one of the reasons I should make a decision fast. He lives in a house full of people that aren't actually happy that he's there. So, we are assuming that we both have to give up our families. But he maybe can visit his after a while if they changes their minds.

Hi Lyari —
Oooh dear, I'm sorry, but that's a warning signal for me. What other decisions concerning you does he believe are his to make? This is quite a 'fundamental' assumption in the present day, to assume the man makes the decisions.

Ow no, not like that. He's thought that from his family, but he's not really believing that. He knows that I will not, and that I will never do, things that are wrong in my eyes on religious basis. I do believe that you should listen to your husband, but I also believe that he should listen to you. We have had a few difficult situations in the past and we've always searched for a way to let us both be comfortable.

If it is love and perfect would not not having those bills and responsibilities and commitment be easier in 3 or 4 years allowing each family time to know you both?

That's an interesting point, a friend of me said that earlier against me this weak. I agree in other circumstances. But I'm not sure if it rolls with me. I'm afraid that our families don't want to get to know us and that they will force us to make a decision, I know this because my mum said so. If I put this on hold, we still can't meet in the open because my parents won't aloud that. And I don't think that I can take this kind of secrecy for 3 years it's really breaking you up...

Yeah, that kind of raised a red flag for me as well and I tend to agree with your summation. Seems to me Lyari's intended is putting her on notice.

My English is failing me on this one I guess. Do you mean that my partner gives sighs about our future or something?

Sorry if I did not respond to all the messages. It's kind of overloading. Thanks for all the advice tho! Also the advice I didn't response to. I'm glad to find such supporting people here who think over situations instead of judging them immediately. If I need to respond to something for you to understand things better and/or to give better insight in the situatiion, please say so.

I think you are very brave to share so much, perhaps too brave? I have been very impressed by the other posters so far, great advice guys, but there will inevitably come posters who will use your intimate details to justify their own position on matters. I hope you will thank them for their council and promptly ignore it!

And please don't worry about your English, it's very good and they are used to my sloppy English.

Here's to you choosing your best life, whatever it is!

Thank you for your post. But I hope that people will think twice before they use my situation to make their point. It's my life at this moment and it's very stressing, for me anyway. I'm hoping that I'm not disrespectful to somebody in some way and I hope people will treat me the same way. The comments I got so far are all very thoughtful and I do believe that the writers want to help me, so thanks for all that <3

EDIT---

What will happen with your brother if you are not there to care for him?

My mum would need to take over, but she isn't really able to do all the things needed (I kind off work my but off for him) especially not on the social and emotional sides. My brother is a very closed person and got a lot of trouble on his shoulder due to his body. (He laid in bed for 30 months after he had a wound because he wasn't aloud to sit in his wheelchair, not even for 2.5 min).

What will happen to your family if your income does not help support them?

Nothing there, they are supporting themselfs. I work in the family buisniss to support them a little, but they don't really need that.

Who is paying for the house you found currently?

It's a student house so the payment is on the low side. We first paid with all four but currently only the two in the house are paying for the house.

Do you know that the part of our brain that determines future consequences of today's actions isn't fully formed till one is 25 or so?

I've read that earlier. Didn't know it before accurately.

Have you finished your schooling?

I'm actually writing my final thesis now. School is a nice thing for me, it helps me to focus on something.

On children, have you discussed and agreed to them being raised in Islam?

Discussed yes, agreed no.

(Sorry for the short answers, hope you can work with them. But I've to leave the office)

 

[wil]

Big hugz my lady. From your original post I heard concern, but the more you respond the more I see how well you have contemplated the situation.. While I still think some pre marriage counseling and discussion with the two of you visiting preacher and imam would be valuable, as well as finding some other folks with Christian/Muslim mixed marriages would be hugely beneficial. Spend a few months and see if you can work out the kinks you are commuting to for the next decades... It's been three years... A little while longer won't hurt anything. You are awesome and I wish you the best!!!

 

[A Cup Of Tea]

Guy's I just want to note that you are talking to an adult, I know she asked for advice but take care that you don't come off as condescending. I know it all comes from a place of caring of course!

 

[Lyari]

While I still think some pre marriage counseling and discussion with the two of you visiting preacher and imam would be valuable, as well as finding some other folks with Christian/Muslim mixed marriages would be hugely beneficial.

Yes, I figured that that would be helpful for us so I asked for a meeting with one of the nicest preachers I know (i’m not sure if preacher is the correct therm, in my branch of Christianity we have our own name’s and I know them in Dutch, but I’ve talked to one of the men who are ‘leading’ or ‘guiding’ a group or congregation.) He had some really nice scriptures for me but all where pointing in the direction of breaking up with my partner. I did not think of that as a bad think because I assume that he wants to follow the rules of the Bible and wants the help the rest to follow them as well, so I’ve thought the scriptures over in my head and thanked him for his council. Later I found out that my dad, who’s also a preacher, heard everything from his fellow-preacher. Even tho I thought I told it in private. So, I’m not really daring to ask a preacher in my surroundins again, because that will go to my dad as well. I’ve tried to contact some persons trough the internet and special Facebook pages, but I did not really found where I was looking for.

I’ve asked my partner to contact a Imam, but his family is very prominent to. And he does not dare to go to his own. I actually don’t know if he’ve talked to one for himself. Kind of feel like that’s a private thing and if he does not want to share I should not push him.

I’ve signed up to some forums about interfaith relationships and marriage, but those groups are often very closed. They did not really let somebody in if they did not know them. Maybe I should try different forums or something like that.

 

[Namaste Jesus]

My English is failing me on this one I guess. Do you mean that my partner gives sighs about our future or something?

I’ve signed up to some forums about interfaith relationships and marriage, but those groups are often very closed. They did not really let somebody in if they did not know them. Maybe I should try different forums or something like that.

Lyari, please don't take this the wrong way, but could it be you're not looking for advice at all, but rather seeking approval for something you already know the answer to? I've been on the planet for quite a while now and I can tell you first hand, the heart is a very powerful motivator, but one that can easily cloud our judgment. Lyari, from what I've read here, I believe the warning signs are there and that perhaps the reason you've turned to outside sources for advice and or approval is that in your heart of hearts, you see them too. Otherwise, there would be no question in your mind.

You have a tough, life changing decision to make. One that's going to take a lot of soul searching. Unfortunately, it's also one only you can make. As much as others may want what is best for you, when it comes right down to it, only you know what that is.

The best I can say is, be careful. Weigh all of the pros and cons and consider every eventuality. Even the ones you are sure won't happen. That is, consider the consequences should any of the concerns raised here come to pass and decide if the risk is worth it.

God Bless my friend....