The ancient Greeks distinguished four ways of love:
erao "to be in love with, to desire passionately or sexually;"
phileo "have affection for;"
agapao "have regard for, be contented with;" and
stergo, used especially of the love of parents and children or a ruler and his subjects.
In a discussion of love, rather than explore the many types, it's simpler to refer to perhaps the most famous two: eros and agape.
Eros was initially a primordial god, then in later mythologies he was the son of Aphrodite and perhaps Zeus, or Ares. Eros was depicted as often carrying a lyre or bow and arrow:
(Hera to Athena
"We must have a word with Aphrodite. Let us go together and ask her to persuade her boy (Eros), if that is possible, to loose an arrow at Aeetes’ daughter, Medea of the many spells, and make her fall in love with Jason... " (Apollonius of Rhodes,
Argonautica, a Greek epic of the 3rd century BC)
"He (Eros) smites maids’ breasts with unknown heat, and bids the very gods leave heaven and dwell on earth in borrowed forms." (Seneca,
Phaedra)
"Once, when Venus’ son (Eros) was kissing her, his quiver dangling down, a jutting arrow, unbeknown, had grazed her breast. She pushed the boy away. In fact the wound was deeper than it seemed, though unperceived at first. (And she became) enraptured by the beauty of a man (Adonis)." (Ovid,
Metamorphoses)
"Eros drove Dionysos mad for the girl (Aura) with the delicious wound of his arrow, then curving his wings flew lightly to Olympus." (Nonnus,
Dionysiaca, a Greek epic of the 5th century AD)
Eros then implies a passionate, often sexual, desire. It is described as 'acquisitive love' and egocentric, the person 'struck' by Eros' arrow wants the object of his/her desire.
In a Platonic sense, it's brought about as a response to the merits of the object of desire – such as goodness or beauty – and eros is not necessarily sexual. In Plato’s discussion in the
Symposium, Socrates understands sexual desire to be a deficient response to physical beauty, a response which ought to be refined and developed into a response to the beauty of a person’s soul and, ultimately, into a response to the form, Beauty.
In the spiritual sense, eros is a love that imposes itself upon us. The Greeks considered eros as a kind of intoxication, the overpowering of reason by a 'divine madness' which carries us away into some order of sublime experience, and this ecstatic transport was a characteristic of the Mystery Cults of the ancient world.
Agape was a term rarely used in the world of antiquity, but took centre stage in the New Testament. Agape implied a love that is self-willed, and furthermore that order of love was 'unconditional' or 'selfless' in the sense of the complete gift of self — the 'opening' of the self, or the 'unveiling of the heart' — to the other, regardless of circumstance.
There is a trinity of terms the describe Christian conversion:
Agape, Kenosis, Metanoia
Agape then is not easy. It requires self-denial, self-discipline, selfless service. It's greatest virtue is humility or, as Eckhart would have it, detachment. It is kenosis, the 'emptying' of the self from the heart, and thereby the opening of the heart to another (
metanoia)
Agape is not a response to an object of desire. In the paradigm case of Christianity's vision of God’s love, agape is spontaneous and unmotivated; it's not that we merit God's love, but rather that God’s nature
is love.
So my rather caustic critique of self-love is that kind of self-regard promoted by consumer-culture ideology.