Accept the Apology

wil

wil

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Accept the Apology.

I was in a conversation this weekend where I heard this phrase, accept the apology. I have never heard it before and I don't even know if it's a phrase I haven't looked it up yet suppose I should before I write this but that it's not in my nature.

So in the conversation he says, he has got to accept the apology. And I replied, was there an apology? Did she apologize? And he said no no she didn't but he has to accept the apology and move on. I nodded as if I understood and the conversation continued and I was confused but I just allowed it to sink in and listen.

In my world I have fought with forgiveness for wrongs. I have come to grips with what I thought were unforgivable things, and watch people forgive and move on and how it benefited their life by being able to forgive the Unforgivable. But that forgiving the Unforgivable came with an apology of sorts, be it real, or insincere, at least there is a token apology to be forgiven, to be accepted.

But this accept the apology confused me greatly. It still does. That is why I'm asking you to contemplate it. In my thoughts over the past few days I've come to terms with accept the apology, the apology that never happened, the apology that may never happen, the apology that one has no intent of happening. And now I realize, it needs to be accepted. Because the lack of accepting the nonexistent apology means not moving on. Means staying in the status quo. Means continuing to fight and grumble and have turmoil over the situation.

What it amounts to in my mind is there are circumstances, with extenuating circumstances that snowball over issues. And we can stop the snowball we can affect the extenuating circumstances if we accept the apology that never happened for what we perceived to be the original fault. We have to let go of The Grudge over the disagreement to allow other things that should happen, that must happen for the benefit of all.

Not saying it's easy, the contemplation now leaves me adding up the number of apologies that I must accept, apologies that haven't happened, that no one has any intent of happening currently, that may never happen...

But I need to accept them none the less. It is my benefit and the benefit of those also wronged, for whom their lives will benefit, if I accept the apology. You know some people have died and I still hold.the grudge, I still have not accepted the apology...and therefore it is now I negatively affecting my life...they are not even here, and some haven't been for decades!
It suddenly makes sense to accept the apology.

I know this is vaguebooking oh, I know I have been overly obtuse as to the nature of the discussion. But if any of you grok my meeting and wish to participate in this thought experiment, please do. And know that I am working on accepting the apology.

I fully expect that for many of you your knee-jerk reaction will be similar to mine (wtaf). But I ask you to take sometime to think of some grudges you hold, some unforgivable events which still negatively affect your life...and contemplate what would happen if that negativity left your system, if those thoughts no longer held you back, if you were free from that resentment how YOU would benefit, how your life and others could improve...if you would accept the apology that never happened.
 
Thinking about this: the wording 'accept the apology' seems wrong. Why say it like that?

I can accept the other person as they are. I can accept that person will not change, and therefore take back my own power by pulling my energy away from thinking about that person -- about how that person wounded me. It is much harder to forgive a wound inflicted upon a person I love, than a wound against myself. These thoughts about forgiveness are not very hidden or mysterious. It's all there in the sermon on the mount.

So why the need to say 'accept the apology' when an apology has not been offered, or has actively been refused? Why the need to phrase it so strangely in that particular way?
 
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To me there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.

Forgiving is mainly for me to be able to move on for myself. Maybe that's what the phrase indicates?

Reconciliation requires an apology, as both sides are involved in rebuilding a relationship.
 
Cino said:
To me there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.

Forgiving is mainly for me to be able to move on for myself. Maybe that's what the phrase indicates?

Reconciliation requires an apology, as both sides are involved in rebuilding a relationship.
Click to expand...
Good observation
 
Like I said...i was told that..during a discussion around a campfire....rejected it til I thought of it.
This was one of the responses..

The author of Vagina Monologues, and now...the apology...never had closure, never had the apology from her father who sexually abused her since a tender age. So she wrote the apology letter to herself! Telling herself all the things she needed to hear from him, but never did....so she could move on...

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/jun/12/the-apology-eve-ensler-review
 
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OK ... here's an admission ... there was a buzzword recently – 'closure'.

'They can't move in, they need closure,' that kind of thing.

For some reason, I took an immediate dislike to the term. Maybe it was just used too often, too randomly. And it is too neat, too tidy.

Closure is a good thing, if and when possible, but if not, it becomes an obsession.

Maybe it's because authentic human existence is messy, and I like messy. You read one of those 'how to get on in business' manuals, and it'll tell you a tidy desk is the sign of a tidy mind. Then I heard someone say, 'a tidy desk is the sign of a guilty conscience' and I burst out laughing. 'A tidy life' is the sign of a serial killer ...

On the other hand, I recall – I've said it here before – one of the brothers at St Dominic's delivery a homily in which he described unfortunate and negative human relations as like a game of 'Pass the Parcel' in which we receive the parcel, which someone has wrapped with their own discontent, and we add our discontent to that, and pass it on ... until it gets to Jesus, who's not interested in the game, and puts it down.

That's what came to my mind when I read the above.

The ability to 'let it go' is saintly. God does it, I should imagine, quite a lot.

It's because we don't, we conjure a God all fire and brimstone. Of fear and punishment. The bad guys go to hell. Why? Because it conforms to our sense of justice, which far outweighs our sense of mercy. God, I have a sneaking suspicion, is the other way round. God never needed blood sacrifice, we did.

HERE'S A THOUGHT:
"Then Jesus said to his disciples: If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me." (Matthew 16:24)

So He meets us at a timber merchant's (that's a lumber yard, Wil). "You know the verse?" He says.
"Yep."
He gestures to enter the yard. There is a workbench, saws, hammers, nails. A diagram of how to make a simple join of two pieces of wood to make a cross. There are piles of timber, ranging from matchsticks to entire Giant Redwoods.

The question: How big a cross do we make?

The next question: What correlation is there between the weight of the cross we make, and the weight of the baggage we insist on carrying around before we consider ourselves worthy?
 
Thomas said:
Maybe it's because authentic human existence is messy, and I like messy.
Click to expand...

I like this!

Look, I'm no saint, and I'm no angel, I'm just another fellow traveler trying to find my way along like everyone else.

The idea of overlooking minor slights and indiscretions...absolutely no problem, I agree. Depending on the situation and circumstance, I may blow off a little steam, and then I've forgotten all about it and get on with my life. Those things that irritate me repeatedly, I find ways to politely remove them from my life, that way neither party feels offended.

But there is one burden I will carry to my grave. I do not, can not, will not, refuse to forgive the faceless, nameless sorry coward that murdered my beloved step-father, brutally, torturously, in his own home - my home. That was no accident, that was not unintentional. That was a devil, and deserves to burn in the pit of his brutality. That murderous devil gets no sympathy from me.

That is my burden, that is my fate, that is my destiny, that is my cross. I pray none of you ever have to bear the same.
 
juantoo3 said:
I do not, can not, will not, refuse to forgive the faceless, nameless sorry coward that murdered my beloved step-father, brutally, torturously, in his own home - my home. That was no accident, that was not unintentional. That was a devil, and deserves to burn in the pit of his brutality. That murderous devil gets no sympathy from me..
Click to expand...

I'm sorry to hear that.
Can I forgive those responsible for dropping bombs on my ancestors, killing 1000's of people in WWII ?
I can forgive human beings that sincerely repent [ to G-d ], but not satan and those who follow him.
They will never repent. They are locked in on a road to disaster.

I would agree with you that evil is very real.
 
wil said:
Accept the Apology.

I was in a conversation this weekend where I heard this phrase, accept the apology. I have never heard it before and I don't even know if it's a phrase I haven't looked it up yet suppose I should before I write this but that it's not in my nature.

So in the conversation he says, he has got to accept the apology. And I replied, was there an apology? Did she apologize? And he said no no she didn't but he has to accept the apology and move on. I nodded as if I understood and the conversation continued and I was confused but I just allowed it to sink in and listen.

In my world I have fought with forgiveness for wrongs. I have come to grips with what I thought were unforgivable things, and watch people forgive and move on and how it benefited their life by being able to forgive the Unforgivable. But that forgiving the Unforgivable came with an apology of sorts, be it real, or insincere, at least there is a token apology to be forgiven, to be accepted.

But this accept the apology confused me greatly. It still does. That is why I'm asking you to contemplate it. In my thoughts over the past few days I've come to terms with accept the apology, the apology that never happened, the apology that may never happen, the apology that one has no intent of happening. And now I realize, it needs to be accepted. Because the lack of accepting the nonexistent apology means not moving on. Means staying in the status quo. Means continuing to fight and grumble and have turmoil over the situation.

What it amounts to in my mind is there are circumstances, with extenuating circumstances that snowball over issues. And we can stop the snowball we can affect the extenuating circumstances if we accept the apology that never happened for what we perceived to be the original fault. We have to let go of The Grudge over the disagreement to allow other things that should happen, that must happen for the benefit of all.

Not saying it's easy, the contemplation now leaves me adding up the number of apologies that I must accept, apologies that haven't happened, that no one has any intent of happening currently, that may never happen...

But I need to accept them none the less. It is my benefit and the benefit of those also wronged, for whom their lives will benefit, if I accept the apology. You know some people have died and I still hold.the grudge, I still have not accepted the apology...and therefore it is now I negatively affecting my life...they are not even here, and some haven't been for decades!
It suddenly makes sense to accept the apology.

I know this is vaguebooking oh, I know I have been overly obtuse as to the nature of the discussion. But if any of you grok my meeting and wish to participate in this thought experiment, please do. And know that I am working on accepting the apology.

I fully expect that for many of you your knee-jerk reaction will be similar to mine (wtaf). But I ask you to take sometime to think of some grudges you hold, some unforgivable events which still negatively affect your life...and contemplate what would happen if that negativity left your system, if those thoughts no longer held you back, if you were free from that resentment how YOU would benefit, how your life and others could improve...if you would accept the apology that never happened.
Click to expand...

Dammit Jin, I'm a construction worker not a god. I want to hold onto hate but I can't. I want to curse but endearments come out instead. :( Loves a bitch. May the mods help me (if necessary). I accept the non apologetics.
 
I've written what I has written, replete with Freudian slips. :( No need removing it now.
 
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By the same token that is easier to forgive an injury to myself than to one I love, it is sometimes easier to forgive someone else than to forgive myself?
 
RJM Corbet said:
it is sometimes easier to forgive someone else than to forgive myself?
Click to expand...
From the Desiderata (hmmm, wonder where I saw that before?)

"Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here."
 
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Nick the Pilot said:
Some apologies are toxic apologies. we should never accept a toxic apology.
Click to expand...

Yes, Nick. Non apologies are always a two way street. If you accept the concept, you must also be ready to practice what you preach.
 
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