Coping mechanisms

wil

wil

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It appears the only way for some folks to feel good about themselves is to belittle others.

When society, or life, or family issues strike.

What are your coping mechanisms?
 
Which ones do you want to know about, the ones which seem obvious to me but tend to be dysfunctional, or the other ones?
 
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One I know which works for me: connect to other people, reach out. Downside: I often need to get over some inertia to do this. But it'worth it every time.

Less useful one: Getting busy, busy, busy.
 
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The peace and serenity prayer.

In 2011 I had tests done for cancer, about a month later the doctor phoned and said he urgently wanted to see me, it was non – Hodgkin Lymphoma. This was a name I recognised, our friend had this cancer, and died a few months later.

Being told I had cancer was out of my hands, there was nothing I could do about it. But I still had choices; I could dictate how the cancer was going to affect my mind and my ability to cope with the news.

A few minutes after putting the phone down; I prayed for the wisdom, strength and peace to do God’s will, whether the cancer was a death sentence, or just an inconvenience. I can only say that from the moment of making this prayer, I have experienced a profound sense of peace that is beyond my understanding, and the thought of cancer has never troubled me for a moment. On reflection, I probably only made this prayer once, every day I experienced peace, I could say thank you for another day of peace.

Cancer could be a truly worrying process, you wait a month or two for appointments, you wait for the results, and you wait for more appointments. I have never once prayed for healing, at the age of 62, the prayer for healing seemed too complicated, it might or might not be my time to go.

My wife on the other hand could not find peace, all she could do for a long time was experience worry and anxiety. Yet it was not her cancer, how you pass your own peace onto someone else is a mystery.
 
Coping may be the wrong word, as going to prayer (if you are prayerful) or meditating, doing your practice seems more proactive than coping, but it is actually what I think i was looking for.

Many cope by trying to find a solution in a bottle or drugs.

Eric I think it is easier for those of us that have the issue than those that love and care for us. It is easier to reconcile our own fate as to us it is a form of control that we have, for them they have no control.(over our perspective) , and acceptance is harder.
 
My husband Dor passed away in 2016 from cancer. One day he felt sick enough to go to the ER thinking he had pneumonia. He passed away roughly 3 weeks later from T-cell lymphoma. I was his main caregiver and God was so good. He gave me the strength and the peace I needed to get through it and I was there to talk him through dying. I watched him leave his body before his body actually died. God comforted me with the knowledge that Jesus conquered death so that we wouldn't have to experience it. Dor didn't experience physical death because he was in his saviors arms. So in that aspect I coped by believing God's promises. I don't know how people can manage with a loss like that without faith. It breaks my heart.
 
Sorry to learn about your loss, @Faithfulservant .

Faithfulservant said:
I don't know how people can manage with a loss like that without faith. It breaks my heart.
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I was quite young, in my early twenties, when I lost a parent to a prolonged illness. I felt a great relief, as their suffering had been a heavy strain on the whole family. Knowing it was over and they were no longer in pain and anguish was profoundly wonderful. Of course I missed them, but this certain knowledge that their suffering was ended really comforted and helped me in my grieving process.
 
Cino said:
Sorry to learn about your loss, @Faithfulservant .



I was quite young, in my early twenties, when I lost a parent to a prolonged illness. I felt a great relief, as their suffering had been a heavy strain on the whole family. Knowing it was over and they were no longer in pain and anguish was profoundly wonderful. Of course I missed them, but this certain knowledge that their suffering was ended really comforted and helped me in my grieving process.
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I also lost my father when I was 12 to cancer and I remember feeling the same sense of relief as if a great burden had been lifted. It's very traumatic to see someone you love suffering.
 
I do whatever works for that situation. Going for a walk or bike ride through nature often works wonders. Obviously having conversations with God really helps. Music is such wonderful therapy. Often I will put in my ear buds and just relax. An odd thing I do is read useless facts. When my step-mother passed away I was in shock for a few days. For some reason just reading useless facts was just what I needed.
 
I lost my mother when I was 36 to cancer, too. She was 72 when she passed.

It was hard for me because I was her early 36th birthday present (by three days.)

Anyway, I cook/bake and commune with :kitty:s to cope with tragedy (doesn't have to be my :kitty: companions, just a random fuzzy face.) It helps that I now live near a :kitty: cafe with perpetual :kitty:s in the windows if the cafe's closed, plus there are random encounters that I have in the neighbourhood.

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
 
Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine said:
I lost my mother when I was 36 to cancer, too. She was 72 when she passed.

It was hard for me because I was her early 36th birthday present (by three days.)

Anyway, I cook/bake and commune with :kitty:s to cope with tragedy (doesn't have to be my :kitty: companions, just a random fuzzy face.) It helps that I now live near a :kitty: cafe with perpetual :kitty:s in the windows if the cafe's closed, plus there are random encounters that I have in the neighbourhood.

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
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My step-mother had also died of cancer. She had started a tradition before she died. We used to go to East Troy (I assume you know where that is since it's close to Milwaukee). There was a farm there that we would rent out and have the whole family together for a weekend. The farm had a telescope, barn with indoor basketball court and batting cage, cabins, a baseball field and a pond. When she died we stopped this tradition. I wanted to restart that old tradition with family, but it's not the same without her. I hate cancer so much!
 
Cancer sucks.

Regarding coping skills, here's another thing which I believe is working for me: daily breath meditation. I've been doing it for decades, it sometimes feels great and sometimes is almost like a chore, the specifics of the sessions don't matter nearly as much as my keeping up the practice, being committed to it, having intention about it.

Maybe on an abstract level these are similar to some aspects of having a committed regular prayer practice. But I'm speculating now 😊
 
Thank you all for your considerate responses, we join together with our disdain for that crippling sickness that kills so many

Yet the dichotomy of how dealing with major tragedy helps us learn mechanism to cope, survive, move on is valuable.

I honor prayer and meditation for that ability, for yoga or exercise to help move our focus to healing, love you all
 
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