Trouble with my big attachment

Awaiting_the_fifth

Awaiting_the_fifth

Where is my mind?
Messages
602
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Location
Middlesbrough, UK
I would like to talk about sport. Playing it and following it. To many people, myself incuded, it is a VERY strong attachment. A large part of buddhism is giving up one's attachments, and I have great trouble giving up this.

In my case it's football. Any supporter will agree that it's all about the highs and lows. My team has the capacity to make me feel fantastic, but usually, they just make me feel terrible.

Last night, Middlesbrough were beaten 2-0 by Swiss team FC Basel. The entire town (who were all watching) went from exuberance to complete misery in about 3 minutes. While most of my friends went out to drown their sorrows, I walked home alone. The sadness in the town was tangible. The girl in Subway was sad, the guy in the 24/7 store was sad, I was sad. It made me wonder. Why do we all do it?

The human mind is a funny thing. It seems to develop incredibly strong attachments to the strangest objects. Certain foods and drinks, alcohol and drugs, people, places, these are understandable attachments, these things can bring us some hapiness, or at least escape, in the short term. But a football team? The chances that a football team will bring anything but disappointment are very small. And yet, in a town of 200,000 people, 36,000 turn up every saturday and often weeknights as well to watch the local team play. We talk and talk about what we COULD win this season, but really, we all know that we won't win anything. It seems almost like we all want to be sad.

Now I consider myself to be a buddhist. In almost every aspect of my life I look for balance and equanimity. I meditate to calm my mind and I honestly never get worked up at work or at home or any time.....exept for a football match.

Standing on the freezing terraces, my cool, meditative mind crumbles quickly. Emotions flow hot and cold. The love of the players who give their all, the distain of the cheating players on the other team, the hate of the gloating away fans when they score a goal and the joy of gloating back at them when we pull one back. The head spins, the mind reels. REFEREE! THAT WAS A FOUL!!! How could he not have seen that, it was so blatant! I have completely forgotten who I am, I am not even an individual any more, now I am just a single cell in the raging organism that is the North Stand. The chanting starts. The songs. Simple songs, usually less than 10 words repeated over and over, but the greatest soul singer in the world has never sung with more feeling.

And in the end, after 90 minutes, I am drained. If we won, I am happy in a way that only another fan could ever understand, and if we lost, desolation.

And still, acknowledging all this, knowing full well how bad this must be for my state of mind, I cannot, nor do I ever want to give it up.

This is a problem.
 
namaste ATF,

i, personally, dont know exactly how u feel since i am not an avid fan of football or any other sport really, however i will do my best to give u the best advice that i can.

in my understanding, buddhism is all about the middle way and finding a balance between things. this goes for emotions as well. from my understanding, buddhism doesnt tell one not to feel certain ways, but to fully understand why one feels that way and to not let that emotion effect ones life in a negative way. with this being said, what desire or need does this attachment fill? i understand the joy that u can feel when ur team wins, and i understand that that must be a contributing factor in this attachment, but what other purpose does it serve?

i have a problem with forming attachments to people. the way that i have begun to work on that is that i am meditating on why i form these attachments and what purpose do they serve in my life. i am also reading a very helpful book which i would suggest to u, as well as anyone really. its called, 'when things fall apart' by pema chodron. it has helped me fully understand my attachments and has helped me start to work on becoming non-attached b/c now i understand the base of the situation. my attachments were born out of a fear of lonliness, which i have recently become aware of and i am now working on that and i have made much progress. so, my best advice would be to try to find the base of the problem and understand what desire this attachment serves. is it the desire for that rush of adreniline that u get during the game as well as when ur team wins? is it the atmosphere that u long for and the comrodere of the fans? what is it that u enjoy about football? find that out and then u will have discovered how u can solve ur problem with attachments.

i know that i am a lot less wise than many of u on here, but i hope that i have helped in any way. good luck with ur attachment and know that we all have attachments that we need to face and therefore, u are not alone.

be well in peace
 
Namaste Awaiting,

thank you for the post.


Awaiting_the_fifth said:
I would like to talk about sport. Playing it and following it. To many people, myself incuded, it is a VERY strong attachment. A large part of buddhism is giving up one's attachments, and I have great trouble giving up this.
Click to expand...

hmm.. perhpas, it would be of some benefit to approach it more from a gradual perspective, i.e. like weaning oneself off of a particular substance or relationship?

The human mind is a funny thing. It seems to develop incredibly strong attachments to the strangest objects. Certain foods and drinks, alcohol and drugs, people, places, these are understandable attachments, these things can bring us some hapiness, or at least escape, in the short term. But a football team?
Click to expand...

sure, why not? fundamentally, attachment to objects stems from the same locus though, clearly, the objects are quite varied.

the football match allows beings to escape as well... the psychology of sports is pretty fascinating to me... it allows beings to integrate into a social structure which may not otherwise be available to them.. the sense of "belonging" is a very powerful motivator for a great many beings. the football "hooligan" is the overly zealous manifestation of this same phenomena.. though, clearly, such things happen throughout sporting contests... we see in the United States, for instance, college students going on rampages when their team wins (which has always struck me as odd).

The chances that a football team will bring anything but disappointment are very small. And yet, in a town of 200,000 people, 36,000 turn up every saturday and often weeknights as well to watch the local team play. We talk and talk about what we COULD win this season, but really, we all know that we won't win anything. It seems almost like we all want to be sad.
Click to expand...

it is social bonding which, in my view, contributes to this moreso than anything else. humans are not solitary creatures.. and so on and so forth..

Now I consider myself to be a buddhist. In almost every aspect of my life I look for balance and equanimity. I meditate to calm my mind and I honestly never get worked up at work or at home or any time.....exept for a football match.
Click to expand...

interesting. do you do something different in your schedule on days when a match is scheduled?

Standing on the freezing terraces, my cool, meditative mind crumbles quickly.
Click to expand...

indeed, this is often the case for a great many beings. the calm stability gain on the cushion is lost when actively engaged in the world of form. not to put too fine a point on it, however, this is precisely the reason that we need to practice :) so that, in these emotionally charged situations, we are able to remain calm and collected.

this is not to say that we cannot be supporters of our favorite clubs (i am a Chelsea fan http://www.chelseafc.com/index.asp ) rather, we should try to lessen the visceral impact of the performance upon our own mindstream. clearly, this is easier said than done.

Emotions flow hot and cold. The love of the players who give their all, the distain of the cheating players on the other team, the hate of the gloating away fans when they score a goal and the joy of gloating back at them when we pull one back. The head spins, the mind reels. REFEREE! THAT WAS A FOUL!!! How could he not have seen that, it was so blatant! I have completely forgotten who I am, I am not even an individual any more, now I am just a single cell in the raging organism that is the North Stand. The chanting starts. The songs. Simple songs, usually less than 10 words repeated over and over, but the greatest soul singer in the world has never sung with more feeling.
Click to expand...

i bolded the bit in your paragraph that, to my mind, speaks to the heart of this matter.

And in the end, after 90 minutes, I am drained. If we won, I am happy in a way that only another fan could ever understand, and if we lost, desolation.
Click to expand...

this seems to be a valid and capable manner of expressing pent up emotional feelings and states of mind. so, from that point of view, i don't see much issue. it is when we start to self identify with these feelings and states of mind that things can become tricky, in my view.

And still, acknowledging all this, knowing full well how bad this must be for my state of mind, I cannot, nor do I ever want to give it up.

This is a problem.
Click to expand...

suffice it to say that the future is not yet born and, as things change, it is possible that your views on this will change as well.

as an aside... one of the reasons that the Tantric approach works for me is that they use both the postive and negative traits to break throught he conceit of I. being the sort of being that i am, this path has been more benefical for me than others.

so, to sum up.. it isn't the object that is the issue it is the way in which we relate to the object which produces stress. we can change the way we relate to the object through practice and, since you are aware of this, i can only hope that something which i've said is a positive encouragement to you and your practice.

metta,

~v
 
I hope you do not mind an outside opinion, and light-hearted (and light weight) as well.

First, if you only have this one big attachment it seems like you are actually doing quite well.

Second, my husband shares your attachment, well, for sports in general, and if you find a cure please do share.

Third, every "problem" can be viewed as a challenge to help you grow, in spirit, in character.

Fourth, I don't know why but the title of this thread makes me laugh. :)

peace,
lunamoth
 
hey

i also dont have atachmetns to sport, bt i hope i can still help in some way. One of the things that i'v been quite addicted to and attached too has been Call of Duty, the PC WW2 game. its funny but i really get into it when i play it.

learning to deal with it more light-heartedly and stepping back from it so it isnt a big deal really helps with curbing ....the addiction lol. and also made it more fun when i do rarely go on it.

i'm glad you mentioned Pema Chodran, toujour, becasue iv just finished reading her book 'the wisdom of no escape' and its been really interesting. Her style of teaching seems to be this light hearted, loving approach to life, and can be very helpful.

perhaps looking into this approach or perhaps being more aware of it could help.


peace
 
The only refuge is in the triple gem. One cannot place one's faith in conditioned phenomena, like football teams. But you know this, so why isn't that enough?

People have such low self esteem that they feel they can't amount to anything. They believe the only way to succeed is through chance. The one in a million that Middlesborough will be league champions, the one in a billion that you'll win the lotto.
We put so much effort into being happy, but because we don't know the true causes of happiness it never seems to work and we lose faith. That's when we turn to long shots, fairy tales, illusions of grandeur...brandy.

In approaching this overbearing attachment, here is my humble advice, from the heart.
If the attachment is that great, then I should not bite off too much and try to handle it directly. I will train my mind in nonattachment until I am ready. I will not hide from the attachment but apply mindfulness at all times. I will not provoke the attachment unecessarily by visiting sports clubs or whatever. The attachment is a manifestation of my own mind - I created it spontaneously, an illusion, and I will eventually dissolve it spontaneously, as all things born have their end.

Whatever happens, just be mindful - of the attachment, of its causes, of its effects, of the pleasure and pain it causes you, and others, and your reactions to it, and them etc.

Hope this helps :)
 
One mans attachment is another's savior. Having played college "American" football and it abruptly ended. It took me a couple years to realize that I didn't miss the violence or teamwork that I learned playing the game, but the complete silence one experiences while playing a game. No internal dialog, no crowd noise... but pure concentration uninterrupted. Why not watch it that way?
 
Hum, interesting.
Looking at myself I know I have problems attaching, which is the opposite of the subject in this thread. In my case I know this is not healthy, how does buddhism see this?
 
Very unhealthy. Probably the worst thing you could actually do, even worse than matricide, patricide, killing an arhat, injuring a Buddha, or causing a schism in the religious community.
 
samabudhi said:
Very unhealthy. Probably the worst thing you could actually do, even worse than matricide, patricide, killing an arhat, injuring a Buddha, or causing a schism in the religious community.
Click to expand...

Gosh, I didn't know it was that bad:confused: :eek: :D

Can you elaborate more as to nature of the problem, from a buddhist perspective?
 
Hi everyone.

This was actually one of the last thread's that I posted before I dissapeared for months and I'm afraid I never did read your replies.

I can now say that after a break between seasons, I have stopped worrying about it so much. It occurred to me that I was becoming as attached to my worry as I was to the game.

Also, if anyone is interested, Middlesbrough went on to beat Basel 4-3 in the second leg of the game, then beat Steua Bucharest in exactly the same way in the Semi Finals.

Unfortunately, we got trounced 4-0 in the Final in Eindhoven by FC Sevilla. Still, it was a good trip.


And finally. Vaj,


Chelsea!?
 
It is universal law that all things change.
Attaching to something - a car, a point of view - is disregarding this universal law, that all things must change, and that that car or view, at some point, will cease.
If something ceases and you are attached to that, you suffer greatly.

Besides being painful, it is also living in delusion. You wouldn't become attached if you were fully mindful of it's imminent demise. Yet you consider it lasting and attach/place your hope in/take refuge in it - which is wrong view, a lie.

With regards to those five most heinous sins - If you were attached after performing those actions, you would have sealed your fate in hell. But not being attached, your karma could be purified.
 
Sorry Samabudhi, complete misunderstanding, I supose I didn't express myself very well.
I meant the opposite of attachment, detachment, and I don't mean healthy detachment.
 
Is there an example you could share? Hypothetical is getting difficult.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top