Ok by popular request a bit about little old me.
I was born into a relaxed Christian enviroment, my mum was sort of a Christian, believed but didn't go to church much. My Nan and Grandad helped run a chruch and were preachers there. My Nan is almost 89 and still helps there and preaches, an amzing woman! My Dad was atheist (and still is)
My Dad left my mum when I was 10 unfortunately so things changed.
I have always been spiritual and have always felt at certain times in my life that somebody or something is with me. The only way I can describe what it feels like is guidance and love. It literally feels as if somebody has their arm around my shoulder and is stearing me in life, especially when critical decisions are made or I am in danger. I didn't think much of it during my teen years. I couldn't digest it really, too immature, and I rejected, totally, any religion. I felt then religion was a "comfort blanket" for people who were scared to die, and I openly stated that if people spoke about religion and stuff to me. Secretly though I always believed there was something but didn't know what.
When I turned 20 I got into Martial Arts and became very good at it. I got to a superb level of fitness however I was not mentally fit. After years of getting my head kicked in at school, because I came from a broken home, and physical and verbal abuse in a workplace for almost 2 years after that had taken it's toll on me greatly.
When I was 23 I was taken to a Buddhist Monastery by my friend and mentor.
I spent all weekend there, talking, eating, sleeping and meditating. It was great and I still go there now occasionally. Then, I attended some evening classes after. However, it got to a point I couldn't continue anymore (once I got past the beginning) Without going too much into it I started to spiral and get down a bit, some aspects of Buddhism got me really down:- "happiness is suffering, because it never lasts" and "remember, everything and all you do in life is suffering" I was told this a lot and it didn't offer any nourishment to me what so ever. I tried to work with it but couldn't. I left it all and became an agnostic. There are many virtues in Buddhism and it will always interest me. Who know's, I may try it again in the future.
From then on (I was 26) I read my favourite bits from Buddhism books, when I felt I needed them, to make me feel better and that is all. I gave up Martial Arts completely when I was 28.
I then got a steady girlfriend and got around socially to many different places. I attended some church events (weddings & baptisms) and it literally felt like something special to me was in those churches. I felt protected and comforted, quite a homely feeling really. I never really pursued how I felt and carried on as an agnostic. I broke up with my girifriend and then after a long break found another lady. I attended a few more church events with her (relatives getting married etc) and then we got married in 2003 in a registry office which was the happiest day of my life.
I joined this forum (great place!) in 2006 after being a "spectator" for a considerable time.
When I was 34 (last year) I picked up a Bible for the first time, it was my mum's Bible from when she was at school and we found it in her loft. I took it home to read.
I didn't know much about the Bible or Christianity, just the basics, and was unsure were to start. I knew the new testament was about Jesus so I started there. I found it hard going as the Bible was an old KJV version. I then found out the Bible comes in many different versions. I managed to obtain a good news version of the Bible from a chairty shop one day and this was when things really started to kick in.
For some reason I went to a spirualist medium, just to see what it was like as she was recommended to me by somebody at work. I don't know why I went really, curious I guess as to where my life was going like most people. She picked up a lot about me and said some profound things about me, very profound indeed, but that's another story.
Anyway I carried on reading the four gospels when I could, on and off, then my reading was interrupted by some bad news.
April last year my wife announced she wanted to leave me. I knew something was wrong but didn't expect it. It was a massive blow. A couple of weeks later she left and went to stay with a friend for 3 weeks who lives the other side of the world. She wanted to think about her life and make sure she was doing the right thing and needed space.
I coped as best I could, carried on working and when not working I went for long hikes in the forest with my dog early in the morning to catch the sun rising. It was in this time that the "comfort feeling" came back, very strongly this time.
In the second week of my wife being away I picked up the Bible to read before going to sleep. I read the gospels and they comforted me. Before switching off the light to sleep I said something like "please god through jesus christ give me the strength to face what will happen to me. Can you help me please" then I slept.
I can only try to explain what happnened next. I am a level-headed, fit guy and I don't drink, smoke or take drugs. I had a dream, which was so vivid it was unbelievable. All I saw was a wooden cross, there was no background, just the cross. The cross was saturated in blood, to the point of if you pressed your finger on it the blood would have ouzed out the grain. Somebody had bled to death on the cross and it had soaked up every drop like a sponge, it was impregnated with blood, dripping continually.
To accompany this I had an unbelievable feeling of love and affection, entirely overwhelming to the point I felt like weeping. It felt as though if somebody had asked me in the dream what the meaning of life was I could have told them the answer! I was hoping this feeling would stay till I awoke, it was totally consuming. But the feeling that really hit me was why Jesus died on the cross for me, it was there, the answer, the relevance! The feeling I was smothered with was his death encompassed everyone and everything. It was beyond anything, and I can't even begin to describe what it felt like, it was beyond description, beyond words, but it was nice! This is best as I can describe it.
What seemed like a 2 minute dream when I awoke was actually a good nights sleep.
It was so powerful that when I got up it made the rest of the day have a weird ambiance about it. It hit hard. Now, I am a level headed guy and I don't rush to conclusions. I like to investigate things fully and get answers. I didn't make any commitments based on this dream/vision whatever you want to call it. Whatever you think reading this you have to admit the timing of it was impeccable. You could well say "well, he had that because he was desparate and reading the Bible" maybe so, but who or what "conditioned" it to happen? Whatever, it tasted and felt fantastic and I hope I have another!
I went on more walks in the forest and at times felt so up-lifted and in an elevated state it was untrue. I didn't care for anything and felt at total peace with myself. If somebody had come up to me with a .44 magnum and said they were going to blow my head off I wouldn't have cared, I would have just smiled at them and said "pull the trigger then!" I saw people differently, felt sorry and pity for everybody and felt I had to help them. People I hated with a passion, wished death upon and couldn't stand them to the point of feeling sick I finally accepted for what they were. I even felt sorry for them and wanted to hug them. This negative time in my life intiated a change in me. All the turmoil, physcial, mental anugish had been lifted.
My wife returned after her 3 weeks away and luckily we have managed to work things out and are still together.We have another dog now and things are going along quite nicely.
Since then I have been reading lots more and have recently ventured into the Old Testament. The Bible is a vast subject and due to work etc sometimes it is hard to fit it all in, and at times I don't feel like reading. I have these times of massive up-liftment regulary, they are nice. I have had no dreams or visions again. Oh how I long for another!
I am almost at the point now of going to church, just a case of which one as there are so many denominations. I am starting an Alpha Course in September which I am looking forward to. It's great, wish I had done it sooner. Seek and you shall find!
I don't think it's a case of finding Jesus, he has always been there with us, and always will be. People can reject and do, like I did. It's a case of discovering and accepting the spirit and finding harmony, or a level of being "in-tune" in my opinion.
Once I feel I have found that totally, and consistantly then I will give myself to the spirit and god. I'll have a full immersion Baptism. I'll be home, I'm finding my way home after making my spirit walk aimlessly through life.
I have a book called "Jesus and ourselves" that I have yet to read but there is a very poinient little verse in there that I'd like to share.
"Just as somebody throws a pebble into water and causes a ripple, our spirit causes a ripple that brakes on the shores of gods kingodm"
So there you go, that's a little about me. Hope you find it interesting. Any questions feel free. Many thanks for the interest.
Peace to you all.
I was born into a relaxed Christian enviroment, my mum was sort of a Christian, believed but didn't go to church much. My Nan and Grandad helped run a chruch and were preachers there. My Nan is almost 89 and still helps there and preaches, an amzing woman! My Dad was atheist (and still is)
My Dad left my mum when I was 10 unfortunately so things changed.
I have always been spiritual and have always felt at certain times in my life that somebody or something is with me. The only way I can describe what it feels like is guidance and love. It literally feels as if somebody has their arm around my shoulder and is stearing me in life, especially when critical decisions are made or I am in danger. I didn't think much of it during my teen years. I couldn't digest it really, too immature, and I rejected, totally, any religion. I felt then religion was a "comfort blanket" for people who were scared to die, and I openly stated that if people spoke about religion and stuff to me. Secretly though I always believed there was something but didn't know what.
When I turned 20 I got into Martial Arts and became very good at it. I got to a superb level of fitness however I was not mentally fit. After years of getting my head kicked in at school, because I came from a broken home, and physical and verbal abuse in a workplace for almost 2 years after that had taken it's toll on me greatly.
When I was 23 I was taken to a Buddhist Monastery by my friend and mentor.
I spent all weekend there, talking, eating, sleeping and meditating. It was great and I still go there now occasionally. Then, I attended some evening classes after. However, it got to a point I couldn't continue anymore (once I got past the beginning) Without going too much into it I started to spiral and get down a bit, some aspects of Buddhism got me really down:- "happiness is suffering, because it never lasts" and "remember, everything and all you do in life is suffering" I was told this a lot and it didn't offer any nourishment to me what so ever. I tried to work with it but couldn't. I left it all and became an agnostic. There are many virtues in Buddhism and it will always interest me. Who know's, I may try it again in the future.
From then on (I was 26) I read my favourite bits from Buddhism books, when I felt I needed them, to make me feel better and that is all. I gave up Martial Arts completely when I was 28.
I then got a steady girlfriend and got around socially to many different places. I attended some church events (weddings & baptisms) and it literally felt like something special to me was in those churches. I felt protected and comforted, quite a homely feeling really. I never really pursued how I felt and carried on as an agnostic. I broke up with my girifriend and then after a long break found another lady. I attended a few more church events with her (relatives getting married etc) and then we got married in 2003 in a registry office which was the happiest day of my life.
I joined this forum (great place!) in 2006 after being a "spectator" for a considerable time.
When I was 34 (last year) I picked up a Bible for the first time, it was my mum's Bible from when she was at school and we found it in her loft. I took it home to read.
I didn't know much about the Bible or Christianity, just the basics, and was unsure were to start. I knew the new testament was about Jesus so I started there. I found it hard going as the Bible was an old KJV version. I then found out the Bible comes in many different versions. I managed to obtain a good news version of the Bible from a chairty shop one day and this was when things really started to kick in.
For some reason I went to a spirualist medium, just to see what it was like as she was recommended to me by somebody at work. I don't know why I went really, curious I guess as to where my life was going like most people. She picked up a lot about me and said some profound things about me, very profound indeed, but that's another story.
Anyway I carried on reading the four gospels when I could, on and off, then my reading was interrupted by some bad news.
April last year my wife announced she wanted to leave me. I knew something was wrong but didn't expect it. It was a massive blow. A couple of weeks later she left and went to stay with a friend for 3 weeks who lives the other side of the world. She wanted to think about her life and make sure she was doing the right thing and needed space.
I coped as best I could, carried on working and when not working I went for long hikes in the forest with my dog early in the morning to catch the sun rising. It was in this time that the "comfort feeling" came back, very strongly this time.
In the second week of my wife being away I picked up the Bible to read before going to sleep. I read the gospels and they comforted me. Before switching off the light to sleep I said something like "please god through jesus christ give me the strength to face what will happen to me. Can you help me please" then I slept.
I can only try to explain what happnened next. I am a level-headed, fit guy and I don't drink, smoke or take drugs. I had a dream, which was so vivid it was unbelievable. All I saw was a wooden cross, there was no background, just the cross. The cross was saturated in blood, to the point of if you pressed your finger on it the blood would have ouzed out the grain. Somebody had bled to death on the cross and it had soaked up every drop like a sponge, it was impregnated with blood, dripping continually.
To accompany this I had an unbelievable feeling of love and affection, entirely overwhelming to the point I felt like weeping. It felt as though if somebody had asked me in the dream what the meaning of life was I could have told them the answer! I was hoping this feeling would stay till I awoke, it was totally consuming. But the feeling that really hit me was why Jesus died on the cross for me, it was there, the answer, the relevance! The feeling I was smothered with was his death encompassed everyone and everything. It was beyond anything, and I can't even begin to describe what it felt like, it was beyond description, beyond words, but it was nice! This is best as I can describe it.
What seemed like a 2 minute dream when I awoke was actually a good nights sleep.
It was so powerful that when I got up it made the rest of the day have a weird ambiance about it. It hit hard. Now, I am a level headed guy and I don't rush to conclusions. I like to investigate things fully and get answers. I didn't make any commitments based on this dream/vision whatever you want to call it. Whatever you think reading this you have to admit the timing of it was impeccable. You could well say "well, he had that because he was desparate and reading the Bible" maybe so, but who or what "conditioned" it to happen? Whatever, it tasted and felt fantastic and I hope I have another!
I went on more walks in the forest and at times felt so up-lifted and in an elevated state it was untrue. I didn't care for anything and felt at total peace with myself. If somebody had come up to me with a .44 magnum and said they were going to blow my head off I wouldn't have cared, I would have just smiled at them and said "pull the trigger then!" I saw people differently, felt sorry and pity for everybody and felt I had to help them. People I hated with a passion, wished death upon and couldn't stand them to the point of feeling sick I finally accepted for what they were. I even felt sorry for them and wanted to hug them. This negative time in my life intiated a change in me. All the turmoil, physcial, mental anugish had been lifted.
My wife returned after her 3 weeks away and luckily we have managed to work things out and are still together.We have another dog now and things are going along quite nicely.
Since then I have been reading lots more and have recently ventured into the Old Testament. The Bible is a vast subject and due to work etc sometimes it is hard to fit it all in, and at times I don't feel like reading. I have these times of massive up-liftment regulary, they are nice. I have had no dreams or visions again. Oh how I long for another!
I am almost at the point now of going to church, just a case of which one as there are so many denominations. I am starting an Alpha Course in September which I am looking forward to. It's great, wish I had done it sooner. Seek and you shall find!
I don't think it's a case of finding Jesus, he has always been there with us, and always will be. People can reject and do, like I did. It's a case of discovering and accepting the spirit and finding harmony, or a level of being "in-tune" in my opinion.
Once I feel I have found that totally, and consistantly then I will give myself to the spirit and god. I'll have a full immersion Baptism. I'll be home, I'm finding my way home after making my spirit walk aimlessly through life.
I have a book called "Jesus and ourselves" that I have yet to read but there is a very poinient little verse in there that I'd like to share.
"Just as somebody throws a pebble into water and causes a ripple, our spirit causes a ripple that brakes on the shores of gods kingodm"
So there you go, that's a little about me. Hope you find it interesting. Any questions feel free. Many thanks for the interest.
Peace to you all.
