Currently considering your questions, I think this...
If you had asked me this question twenty years ago my answer would be different to what it is now. Back then, religion was all, and further developing the relationship between my God and myself was the only important thing... other people mattered little... they did not have what we had...
It was like falling in love- intense, just the two of us, loving each other as much as we could, spending lots of time embracing...
yet, just like a relationship with a human being, the relationship between my God and myself could not survive with just the two of us... our closeness was almost oppressive, the anxiety at seperation traumatic, and then arguements started to creep in, and we split...
God was a liar, a cheat, a heartbreaker, the type of lover who was never really free to love you, a demanding lover whose love came with conditions attached to it, a lover who wanted you to behave in a certain way but would be capriciousness personified himself...
I could never give up on my first love though- you never do, there is always a small part of you which yearns for that purity of connection again, when everything is new...
so I looked around for a new God, someone who would surpass this old lover, replace him in my mind with something better, a truer love, and oh, I fell in love many, many times and had my heart broken each time...
All the Gods were cheats and heartbreakers! I could not find a perfect love in all the heavens...
so I looked closer to home... I realised that the perfect lover I sought was a reflection of myself, a bright shadow of my own, and realising this, finding the means to the end became more important than the end itself...
yes, my heart will always belong to that first love, and if he called me one night, for a booty call, I would immediately phone for a taxi, but we will never marry, will never live together, will never raise a family...
He will be my secret lover, a fond memory, an occasional meeting, but his flaws prevent me from accepting him for what he is...