Bhaktajan II
Hare Krishna Yogi
- Messages
- 2,277
- Reaction score
- 115
- Points
- 63
* I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
* Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
* We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
* The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
* Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
* How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
* A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
* Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
* The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
* Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
* A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
* Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
* There's a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away.
* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
* You're never too old to learn something stupid.
* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
* Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
* A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
PS: A friend sent me this. As this writting, I still don't know what 'Paraprosdokian' means.
* Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
* We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
* The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
* Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
* How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
* A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
* Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
* The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
* Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
* A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
* Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
* There's a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away.
* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
* You're never too old to learn something stupid.
* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
* Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
* A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
PS: A friend sent me this. As this writting, I still don't know what 'Paraprosdokian' means.
