Re: How do you define love?
If we're talking 'religion, faith and theology', and theology as a means of understanding what it is we believe, then it's worth noting that the Christian scribes 'resurrected' a term and its philosophical ideal of love that had largely fallen out of the contemporary lexicon. It was used only rarely, and in high philosophical circles, but had little currency in general language until the appearance of the New Testament, and that term was agape.
Without going into etymological detail, it might be useful not simply to determine how we think of love, but how the Christian community thought of it. What kind of love were they talking about?
From that viewpoint, what distinguishes agape from terms such as storge which simply means 'affection' and philia, a 'friendship' that went went beyond storge and implied a deeper, familial sentiment, such as the love of a parent for a child, and generally philia implies the ideal of love within a familial relationship. So friends might have an affection storge for each other, but philia runs deeper, and usually implied an ideal of inter-familial love, such as a parent for a child, or between brothers and sisters, relatives, etc. Thus to express one's deep affection for a friend,one might use the term philia rather than storge, to imply 'I love him like a brother' or, by extension, 'I love him like my own flesh and blood'.
The fourth and most common term, eros, always implies a sense of love that overwhelms the will, as if one can't help it, a sense of being 'carried away', so this term was commonly used to describe anything from raw lust at its most carnal, to the kind of ecstatic 'transports' of being caught up and carried away as was pursued in the Mystery Cults of the ancient world.
The term the Christians used, agape, was seen philosophically as superior to both storge and philia, and in a significant way opposite to eros, in that it implied a love that was self-willed, and furthermore that order of love was 'unconditional' or 'selfless' in the sense of the complete gift of self — the 'opening' of the self, or the 'unveiling of the heart' — to the other, regardless of circumstance.
In the discussions above, what is evident is each of us loves conditionally, whereas the Christian message is one of a God who loves unconditionally, and who demands we love each other as He loves us.
Such a love is then utterly different from eros and far transcends storge and philia.
Cut to the chase:
Two things Christ was unable to convince His audience. The first is just how much God loves His creation, and to what lengths He will go to preserve it, and the second is that the world would be a paradise — heaven on earth — if we would only share that love — His love, for He is Love — between each other, without judgement and without condition. Agape, not storge, not philia, not eros.
There is a trinity of terms the describe Christian conversion: Agape, Metanoia, Kenosis.
From the human perspective, the Love of God is 'tough love'. I should qualify that statement by saying in the UK, the idea is similar to the concept of "authoritative" parenting, whereas in the US the same can be considered as a negative, "authoritarian" parenting, which tends to highlight negative outcomes rather than positive ones.
Personally, I think the 'gentle Jesus meek and mild' owes more to a maudlin sentimentality than the actuality. He most certainly was gentle, meek and mild, but this came from strength, not from weakness — the strength to reach out, selflessly, to those who actively oppressed Him.
"Greater love (agape) than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13).
This does not mean getting killed saving another, nor even the mother who rushes into a burning house to save her child, but simply that one put oneself to one side for the sake of the other, be it God, or one's neighbour — it is an ascetic love, and it is the path the Christian is called to follow.
"Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me." (Matthew 16:24, 19:21, Mark 8:34, 10:21, Luke 9:23).
Agape then is not easy. It requires self-denial, self-discipline, selfless service. It's greatest virtue is humility. It is kenosis, the 'emptying' of the self from the heart, and thereby the opening of the heart to another — metanoia — and this 'change of heart' is always tied in with repentance. (Cf Mark 1:4, Matthew 4:17, Mark 6:12 and Acts 17:30).
That is the love the Christian is called to live in the world, and with the world the way it is, it is a cross to be borne.
Eros is the gratification, at best the consolation of the senses. Agape is the consolation of the soul.
