Gentle Religious Humor

A wealthy man lay on his deathbed, his recently estranged wife visits his bedside. he says to her, " I have a last request."."I know you are a good christian woman, and I want you to promise me that when I die you will bury my money with me". She says, " Yes, i will, I promise."

Weeks pass, and he dies. At his funeral, his exwife is sitting there, with her best friend. The exwife is clutching a shoebox. At the end of the service, just before they close the lid on the coffin, the exwife gets up and places the shoebox in the casket with her exhusband.
The best friend says, "wow, i cant beleive you did that, was that his money?"
The exwife says, "Yes, when he died, i transfered all his money from his account into mine, and i have written him a cheque for the whole lot, its in the shoebox, and he can cash it whenever he wants"
!!!!!
 
A rabbi and a priest were sat on a train.

An hour or so into the journey the priest glanced over his book to the rabbi and said; "is it still forbbiden for you to eat pork?"

The rabbi looked to the priest and nodded: "yes, that is still very much an important part of our faith...."

The priest then asked; "Have you ever eaten it?"

The rabbi nodded and replied: "I was once weak and yes, I did eat pork."

The priest nodded back and said "I understand.."

A little while later the silence was broken again and the rabbi asked the priest; "Is celibacy still a requirement in your faith?"

The priest nodded and said "Yes it is."

The rabbi then asked... "Have you ever tried it?"

The priest replied. "Yes, I once went through a bad period and I did break my celibacy."

The rabbi nodded "I understand....... Much better than pork isn't it?"
 
UK stand up comedian Peter Kay:

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
 
A catholic priest was driving along the road with struggling effort, constantly swirving and breaking suddenly, switching to the wrong side of the road.... So a police officer pulls him over, and walks up to the car and peers in from the drivers side window.

Scanning the area he clearly spots an open and almost empty bottle of wine on the passenger seat. "Have you been drinking sir?" The officer asks. "Certainly not officer!" The priest replies.... "Well, why do you have an open bottle of wine in the car?" The priest looking confused... And slightly... "tipsy" shruggs and replies "there is no wine in the car... Only a bottle of water..." The officer sighs and leans closer now being able to smell the wine... "That is for certain wine and not water sir." The priest then turned around and picked up the bottle.

Carefully placing an inspecting eye upon the bottle he paused and contemplated for a moment... Then took a small sip from the bottle... Turning with an astonishing look of surprise on his face he shouts "My god!!! He's done it again!"
 
Some of you might appreciate this.

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
 

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On the eighth day, God created Chuck Norris. He spent the next three and a half weeks creating nurses, ambulances, and morgues.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for acting talent. Then he kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.

Pharaoh didn't let the Israelites leave because God struck down the first-born of all Egypt; he let them go after Moses announced that the next scheduled plague was Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once slapped God on a dare, and got away with it.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

The reason why the Catholic church holds mass in Latin is because they don't want anyone to know that they're really praying to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris exorcises demons by kicking the possessed individual in the balls. Personally, I'd rather stay possessed...

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise-man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard. In jealousy, the other three wise-men conspired to have Chuck written out of the Bible. All three died shortly thereafter from mysterious roundhouse-kick-related injuries.
 
Marsh said:
On the eighth day, God created Chuck Norris. He spent the next three and a half weeks creating nurses, ambulances, and morgues.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for acting talent. Then he kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.

Pharaoh didn't let the Israelites leave because God struck down the first-born of all Egypt; he let them go after Moses announced that the next scheduled plague was Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once slapped God on a dare, and got away with it.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

The reason why the Catholic church holds mass in Latin is because they don't want anyone to know that they're really praying to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris exorcises demons by kicking the possessed individual in the balls. Personally, I'd rather stay possessed...

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise-man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard. In jealousy, the other three wise-men conspired to have Chuck written out of the Bible. All three died shortly thereafter from mysterious roundhouse-kick-related injuries.
Click to expand...
LOL that was good!
Ironically, Mr. Norris is a God fearing man...
I happen to know this from personal experience. Before he was a "star", he was our Sensei. :)
 
I can prove that :kitty:s practice different religions. I asked one, and his response is attached.

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
 

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