@talib-al-kalim
I grew up in Judaism, had a Jewish education but was only religious for a short periods of time.
I was taught that God is unknowable, beyond everything, so I never really formed an image.
At the age of 26(1974) I heard the claim of someone that they had 'Knowledge of God' and could show it to anyone. No cost and no beliefs necessary. (I had just come out of a war and this was ideal).
To cut a long story short, I took up the claim and received said
knowledge.
I was shown how to meditate and immediately began to have strong experiences and experienced love like I have never before. (Agape?).
I believed these experiences were God and along with many others deified the teacher.
I believed him to be the incarnation of God(for this time) and actually believed that the whole world know 'Him' by 1980.
So I stayed with this belief for 23 years until I could clearly see that this person was a sham.
I came onto the internet in 1995 when I was going tell the whole world the Truth. (Hmm sounds familiar :>))
I began to see that my experience was not unique and could relate to people who had also found 'The Lord'...in fact there were many with such certitude(although different Lords :>)).
I also met meditators who had the same experiences who were secular/atheist and I realised that what I experienced within was what I experienced within.
Just some ancient meditation techniques that had been hijacked to appear as a religion.
So with the loss of 'God in a bod' meant no God. I had no other concepts of God.
I still feel a deep love for all existence and love meditation.