I can recall people asking me personal questions in a face-to-face conversation, and if it involves some type of mental pain, then I will quickly ignore, or avoid, truly talking about whatever was just asked. It is like I ignore the pain that is there.
Maybe to avoid your own pain?
I fail to respond to it. I know for a fact that people can feel my apathy. Some of the Dalai Lama's advice for this is to "reflect on how you feel when someone is kind to you."
Good advice, but remember - receiving kindness is very different from giving.
Also, it causes me to think more deeply about how the other person feels in order for me to build a deeper connection with others. I think this will help in not allowing me to make others into what I want them to be.
Yes, good empathy.
Here are some steps I have in my notes for overcoming these negative mindstates.
1. Learning
2. Developing conviction, or a sense of urgency
3. Determination to change
4. Action
That covers it.
According to the Gita, Bhakti is te highest form of religious devotion. However, the commiment to Good and Loving Kindness is evident in most every world religion. Sometimes it is discussed in terms of the Spiritual Unity of human-divine and human-human.
According to the Belief.Net test I took last week, I'm 100% Sikh. That was news to me since I know next to nothing about the religion or its practitioners.
Anyhoo, I've been looking into their literature and discovered the Sukhmani, some of which seemed relevant to what you had mentioned:
Some of the verses are stated in a fairly traditional negative reinforcement style:
Without the Fear of God, all that is fashioned is false.
Afraid of fear, and living in fear, the mind is held in tumult.
Be afraid, if you have any fear, other than the Fear of God.
If God, the Destroyer of fear, does not dwell within your mind,
you shall spend countless incarnations in fear and dread.
On the more positive side, there is a "state of fearless dignity" that becomes available through devotion:
One who is attuned to the Lord, is free of all anxieties.
In His Sanctuary, there is no fear or sorrow.
Only the Lord's servants are free of fear.
Those who remain immersed in the Fear of God become fearless.
The fire of fear within the body is burnt away by the Fear of God.
My fear was removed, when I saw that He is pervading everywhere.
Other fears are forgotten, and they are absorbed into the Naam, the Name of the Lord.
In the Society of the Saints, He dwells in the mind; doubt, emotional attachment and fear are vanquished
Raag Gauree
I think a devotional discipline will help both insight and application. You have a working plan of action that can be supported by a devotional aspect that includes some regular study, meditation, and remembrance.