I want to be excited and comforted by God again...

pghguy said:
I thought so too until recently.

As far as the other stuff goes, my first time years ago was one I paid for. It was horrid and I was terribly sorry for it, confessed and took a long time to get my head straight. It involved an infection which wasn't fun either.

I've basically paid for strip shows too with some, lets just say, intense touching.

That would be a little less tame for sure but probably much less than most.
Click to expand...

I don't have a problem with the idea of feeling "guilty" about things. What I don't agree with is guilt that goes against one's individuality. There are things that are wrong for some people but not others. Guilt over mundane matters in this world has social value but guilt over "religious" ones often does not.

If you feel guilty because of sexual fantasies, sexual misbehaviour or cheating, I think the problem is not that you're a naughty boy or wicked and evil person, but that you don't understand your own behaviour or even your own guilt. Maybe you should see a psychologist or seek counselling.:)

People lie, cheat and engage in weird sexual behaviours for reasons that they often don't understand themselves. Why do men commit adultery and betray their wives? Do they do it on purpose or is it for personal reasons? Do they have difficulty in handling the relationship? The idea that men who cheat are always evil and vindictive monsters is just wrong. One reason why they cheat is because they want love and either aren't getting it already or they just can't help it when someone else offers it. But it's not the "oh I'm so good I deserve it" attitude people often think they have but "oh poor me, I just need someone to be nice to me." The glass is half full, not half empty.

Why do you look at porn? Why do you do what you do? Why do I do what I do? What is the reason and motivation behind 90% of things we think, say and do? Why are evangelical Christians often so guilt- and morality-oriented? Why are they obsessed with chanting slogans, using catch phrases and buzzwords and seeing the world according to buzz-words? People often don't look at the psychology that motivates behaviours.

Yeah, pardon me for suggesting that you seek a secular solution to the problem of misbehaviour and guilt, but you're a human being. We may be religious people, but it doesn't mean that we ignore social, political, economic or emotional reality. Just like we all have to eat, drink, breathe and sleep to survive, if you need help you should seek help.

Why do you feel guilty? Who is judging you? People or God? Do you really think God doesn't understand your problems?

"Judge not and you will not be judged." This was commanded by Jesus, who was sent by God. It means that we should always try to understand people when they deviate from the written or unwritten moral code. I believe God already understands your situation. Now it's time for you to understand yourself.

You spoke of legalism in one of the threads you created. If you feel guilt and don't know what to do about it because the system is plagued with legalism maybe you should look for a solution outside the system, even at non-religious organisations. You have tried solving the problem by consulting a priest but the system has failed. Maybe you should seek counselling instead of going to confession.

Loving your neighbour is the most important commandment. By going to a psychologist you offer him/her an opportunity to love his/her neighbour and therefore help another person to fulfill the commandments. Seeking a secular solution doesn't sound so anti-religious after all. Help others to follow the commandments. Help others help themselves.:)
 
Well God loves you even if you jack off :)

He loves you so much he even sent his son who died for you :)

the only thing that can separate you from God is yourself.
 
c0de said:
.

@ pghguy

Work on developing whatever talent you have and put it to service of a higher cause/ideal.

I noticed people have been posting quotations, well, there are more quotations to support this advice then any other, probably.
Click to expand...

Doing so is indeed one of my major life goals.
 
NiceCupOfTea said:
Well God loves you even if you jack off :)

He loves you so much he even sent his son who died for you :)

the only thing that can separate you from God is yourself.
Click to expand...

Good points. It's just very much my nature to worry. Perhaps it's my OCD to some degree. And, I probably do too much research on things for my own good.
 
Saltmeister said:
I don't have a problem with the idea of feeling "guilty" about things. What I don't agree with is guilt that goes against one's individuality. There are things that are wrong for some people but not others. Guilt over mundane matters in this world has social value but guilt over "religious" ones often does not.

If you feel guilty because of sexual fantasies, sexual misbehaviour or cheating, I think the problem is not that you're a naughty boy or wicked and evil person, but that you don't understand your own behaviour or even your own guilt. Maybe you should see a psychologist or seek counselling.:)

People lie, cheat and engage in weird sexual behaviours for reasons that they often don't understand themselves. Why do men commit adultery and betray their wives? Do they do it on purpose or is it for personal reasons? Do they have difficulty in handling the relationship? The idea that men who cheat are always evil and vindictive monsters is just wrong. One reason why they cheat is because they want love and either aren't getting it already or they just can't help it when someone else offers it. But it's not the "oh I'm so good I deserve it" attitude people often think they have but "oh poor me, I just need someone to be nice to me." The glass is half full, not half empty.

Why do you look at porn? Why do you do what you do? Why do I do what I do? What is the reason and motivation behind 90% of things we think, say and do? Why are evangelical Christians often so guilt- and morality-oriented? Why are they obsessed with chanting slogans, using catch phrases and buzzwords and seeing the world according to buzz-words? People often don't look at the psychology that motivates behaviours.

Yeah, pardon me for suggesting that you seek a secular solution to the problem of misbehaviour and guilt, but you're a human being. We may be religious people, but it doesn't mean that we ignore social, political, economic or emotional reality. Just like we all have to eat, drink, breathe and sleep to survive, if you need help you should seek help.

Why do you feel guilty? Who is judging you? People or God? Do you really think God doesn't understand your problems?

"Judge not and you will not be judged." This was commanded by Jesus, who was sent by God. It means that we should always try to understand people when they deviate from the written or unwritten moral code. I believe God already understands your situation. Now it's time for you to understand yourself.

You spoke of legalism in one of the threads you created. If you feel guilt and don't know what to do about it because the system is plagued with legalism maybe you should look for a solution outside the system, even at non-religious organisations. You have tried solving the problem by consulting a priest but the system has failed. Maybe you should seek counselling instead of going to confession.

Loving your neighbour is the most important commandment. By going to a psychologist you offer him/her an opportunity to love his/her neighbour and therefore help another person to fulfill the commandments. Seeking a secular solution doesn't sound so anti-religious after all. Help others to follow the commandments. Help others help themselves.:)
Click to expand...

I know exaclty what you mean about the buzz-words thing. That's one of the things that tunrs me off about organized religion.

I consult everyone about my issues, lol. That's why I'm here. I have a mental health professional (the one who has been proscribing prozac for me for years) that I see 1-2 imes a year and another one I have sessions with via the Internet on about a monthly basis. We're due for one soon and since all this is relatively recent, it will be the main focus of the session. I also work on occasion with a social skills coach. But, she said I'm better off than I think and really don't need her services compared to many of her clients.

It seems, from my seeking help, the root cause of my interest in porn - which I really only deal with pretty infrequently, is based in some level of depression and self-esteem issues. I originally thought it was due to lack of being able to find a signifigant other and lonliness but both of these are more of a symptom or result of the other.

When it comes to judging, I suppose the source of it is 2 fold. I suppose I judge myself and except the judging of some segment of society to some degree. I do not know what God thinks but base it on what I have learned. I really don't know how else to base it.

As far as any particular "kinks" that may be present, I guess it's because of an interest in the unknown or the intellectual want to explore.

I can assure you though that I would never cheat on anyone.
 
17th Angel said:
Well, if you really want to stop try and put that in your mind? Ain't an easy thing lol can become a habit, so maybe that will help discourage you, if that is what you want.
Click to expand...

I tried once a few years back. I was able give up both porn and masturbation for around a year but it didn't last.
 
pghguy said:
I'm Catholic but the more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I am with our church. It's almost as if you're on a tight rope and one misstep could end in a tragic death. I have all but lost any joy or enthusiasm I once may have had for mass and it's been replaced by anxiety and indifference. For example, when I would go to confession in the past, I'd come out feeling renewed and comforted. Now, I don't feel that anymore but rather that I simply fulfilled an obligation. there is no comfort, no relief.

Right now, I feel like I have to be mister goody, goody every waking moment. And, in a way, I feel this is eating away at any chance to experience life to its fullest.

I can't imagine God would want this.

I'm even to the point that I'm considering other religions, specifically non-creedal or non-dogma based groups. I want to feel happy and excited about God and wonder if that can only be found elsewhere.

I'm going as far as considering hypnotherapy to try to more or less shut off certain parts of my brain so that I don't feel that living a basic human life is a terrible thing.

If you can offer any insight, I'd really appreciate it.
Click to expand...

where are you based ?

maybe you need to visit a new church or add some Christian Contemplative practices or something to get that closeness to God back ?
 
pghguy said:
I'm Catholic but the more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I am with our church...
Click to expand...
I know how you feel, especially in these days, with all the news ...

There is a profound teaching:
"And when an unclean spirit is gone out of a man he walketh through dry places seeking rest, and findeth none. Then he saith: I will return into my house from whence I came out. And coming he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished. Then he goeth, and taketh with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is made worse than the first. So shall it be also to this wicked generation." Matthew 12:43-45
Now I'm not saying one has to believe in devils, but if you read this as psychology, rather than demonology, then the same rule applies.

In short, give an inch, and the next thing you've lost by a mile.

(If you want to leave the Church, leave the Church, but leave because you want to, not because others have driven you out. Personally I don't. I think there's more to the Church than the people in it.)

So what's going on? Well I can't say in your case, I'm not a Spiritual Director, nor is a discussion forum the right place to attempt any such engagement, but I do know, from experience, that you let one doubt in, and a whole train follows; I also know that the train brings habits with it, to keep you down where it's got you.

And the last thing to do is to beat yourself up about it, because that's just the way the ego works, or that's just the way the demon makes sure it gets fed, because that's all you're doing, is feeding your demons.

A lot of people like the idea of 'spiritual battle', call themselves 'prayer warriors' and the like ... all they do is feed and fuel the enemy.

If you want to beat your demons, the best way is to ignore the little ****ers and get on with it ... they tire very easily, and get bored even quicker ... be the person you are, or even pretend to be the person you once were, rather than be the person they keep trying to convince you you are, which is someone who's not worth the light that lights his soul.

Call on your higher power, or Christ, or whomsoever you will, not in the sense of "I am a dreadful ... " that's them varmints at it again, but rather it's a case of "Hey, look, I could sure do with a little help here ..."

The reason why you've lost the sense of comfort of God is because you've withdrawn from it, rather than it's been withdrawn from you.

Jesus supped with sinners, remember, and He didn't sit in judgement, or lecture, or harrass ... He just talked ... when you own up to your indiscretions, I'm sure the response will be ... is that it?

(Unless you've taken to serial killing, or genocide, or something.)

You're only as alone as you determine to be.

God bless, and I for one shall remember you in a prayer, if only to annoy the 'houseguests'!

Thomas
 
Thomas said:
I know how you feel, especially in these days, with all the news ...

There is a profound teaching:
"And when an unclean spirit is gone out of a man he walketh through dry places seeking rest, and findeth none. Then he saith: I will return into my house from whence I came out. And coming he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished. Then he goeth, and taketh with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is made worse than the first. So shall it be also to this wicked generation." Matthew 12:43-45
Now I'm not saying one has to believe in devils, but if you read this as psychology, rather than demonology, then the same rule applies.

In short, give an inch, and the next thing you've lost by a mile.

(If you want to leave the Church, leave the Church, but leave because you want to, not because others have driven you out. Personally I don't. I think there's more to the Church than the people in it.)

So what's going on? Well I can't say in your case, I'm not a Spiritual Director, nor is a discussion forum the right place to attempt any such engagement, but I do know, from experience, that you let one doubt in, and a whole train follows; I also know that the train brings habits with it, to keep you down where it's got you.

And the last thing to do is to beat yourself up about it, because that's just the way the ego works, or that's just the way the demon makes sure it gets fed, because that's all you're doing, is feeding your demons.

A lot of people like the idea of 'spiritual battle', call themselves 'prayer warriors' and the like ... all they do is feed and fuel the enemy.

If you want to beat your demons, the best way is to ignore the little ****ers and get on with it ... they tire very easily, and get bored even quicker ... be the person you are, or even pretend to be the person you once were, rather than be the person they keep trying to convince you you are, which is someone who's not worth the light that lights his soul.

Call on your higher power, or Christ, or whomsoever you will, not in the sense of "I am a dreadful ... " that's them varmints at it again, but rather it's a case of "Hey, look, I could sure do with a little help here ..."

The reason why you've lost the sense of comfort of God is because you've withdrawn from it, rather than it's been withdrawn from you.

Jesus supped with sinners, remember, and He didn't sit in judgement, or lecture, or harrass ... He just talked ... when you own up to your indiscretions, I'm sure the response will be ... is that it?

(Unless you've taken to serial killing, or genocide, or something.)

You're only as alone as you determine to be.

God bless, and I for one shall remember you in a prayer, if only to annoy the 'houseguests'!

Thomas
Click to expand...

Thanks. So many fo you guys have been great and are so intelligent. Maybe I'm not so bad. But of course, with everything, there's always room for improvement. Like the athlete who is a perennial all-star. But with more work could even be the league MVP.
 
pghguy said:
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - United States
Click to expand...

i thought there might be a church from denomination in that area, but there is not.

intimacy, spend time with God, pray, read the Bible, Soaking, abide in the vine, invite the holy spirit into your life everyday, if any of that makes sense ?
 
NiceCupOfTea said:
i thought there might be a church from denomination in that area, but there is not.

intimacy, spend time with God, pray, read the Bible, Soaking, abide in the vine, invite the holy spirit into your life everyday, if any of that makes sense ?
Click to expand...

I understand. Thanks.
 
Actually, I just had the most awakening experience. I feel so - enlightened. Like it was all there all along but just overlooked, just hidden behind some sort of self-constructed barrier but no more.
 
People make this big deal out of spirituality and cloth it with all manner of fine and high-minded words, but, the simple truth (mine in any case) is that spirituality is merely AWARENESS.

That is what enlightenment is all about.
We are spiritual beings walking around in a material body.
Our spiritual aspect is, of course, non-material, eternal and has no gender.
We keep on recycling in this material realm, kind of like the Hindu take on reincarnation (IMO).
Each new body is a clean slate and has no memory, for it is brand new and thus has to learn we are told, but actually all we have to do is "remember".
But your spirit has access to all knowledge as we are part of the Universal Mind and this sorting out the connection between the spirit and the body is the process of remembering.
Our body has a strong sense of self (ego) and the conscious mind likes to chatter incessantly, this gets in the way of connecting with our inner self, the still quiet voice, which is who we really are.

It is not accidental that the Jewish temple is designed the way it is.
It is an allegory.
You are the living temple.
This may put some zest into those dry passages which describe the construction and lay-out of the temple.
 
shawn said:
People make this big deal out of spirituality and cloth it with all manner of fine and high-minded words, but, the simple truth (mine in any case) is that spirituality is merely AWARENESS.

That is what enlightenment is all about.
We are spiritual beings walking around in a material body.
Our spiritual aspect is, of course, non-material, eternal and has no gender.
We keep on recycling in this material realm, kind of like the Hindu take on reincarnation (IMO).
Each new body is a clean slate and has no memory, for it is brand new and thus has to learn we are told, but actually all we have to do is "remember".
But your spirit has access to all knowledge as we are part of the Universal Mind and this sorting out the connection between the spirit and the body is the process of remembering.
Our body has a strong sense of self (ego) and the conscious mind likes to chatter incessantly, this gets in the way of connecting with our inner self, the still quiet voice, which is who we really are.

It is not accidental that the Jewish temple is designed the way it is.
It is an allegory.
You are the living temple.
This may put some zest into those dry passages which describe the construction and lay-out of the temple.
Click to expand...

I've had an experience that now allows me to understand.
 
pghguy said:
I'm Catholic but the more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I am with our church. It's almost as if you're on a tight rope and one misstep could end in a tragic death. I have all but lost any joy or enthusiasm I once may have had for mass and it's been replaced by anxiety and indifference. For example, when I would go to confession in the past, I'd come out feeling renewed and comforted. Now, I don't feel that anymore but rather that I simply fulfilled an obligation. there is no comfort, no relief.

Right now, I feel like I have to be mister goody, goody every waking moment. And, in a way, I feel this is eating away at any chance to experience life to its fullest.

I can't imagine God would want this.

I'm even to the point that I'm considering other religions, specifically non-creedal or non-dogma based groups. I want to feel happy and excited about God and wonder if that can only be found elsewhere.

I'm going as far as considering hypnotherapy to try to more or less shut off certain parts of my brain so that I don't feel that living a basic human life is a terrible thing.

If you can offer any insight, I'd really appreciate it.
Click to expand...

God isn't about being happy and excited. He's about joy, love and truth which are all knowledge.
 
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