My people, the Scots, invented golf. Of all of the things that Scottish scientists, doctors, singers, and inventors have achieved, golf is the most stupid sport and waste of arable land in the world. I am not the only Highlander who hates golf. My greatest anger occurs when a telly channel's regular schedule is canceled for a Golf Tournament. I ask God to forgive me for the barmy profanities from my mouth when I turn on the telly and see some wanker swinging a golf club.
Amergin
Well look, if your only exposure to golf is TV then I totally understand. I used to feel that way too. I started out playing video golf. This was back when super NES was brand new. What I liked about it was that it was a thinking person's sort of video game. For every shot there were a number of factors to take into account. There is the wind, the lie, the club selection and what that does to the trajectory of the ball, the shape, disposition, and contours of the green. You have to take all these factors into account and then figure the remaining distance as a ratio to the club's shot length. This is a game where the older and smarter you are the more advantage you have rather than it all being based on quickness of reflexes. And, there's no timer. I can walk away, make a sandwich, grab a drink, come back, study my shot some more, and swing when I'm ready.
For my thirtieth birthday I bought myself my first set of clubs. I found that playing real golf was nothing like playing video golf. I couldn't stand on the tee box of a par 3 thinking :"OK, the wind is left to right and blowing against me, so I'll close my stance, go up a club and choke it down to 85%, and put top spin on the ball to hold the wind." No, I had to whack at the ball with all my might and hope it went in the right direction. It took me fifteen years to learn to hit down on my irons. I'm just now dialing in my driver. And I've found that I can't ever get my game going on all cylinders. If I practice my short game my long game goes to hell. If I'm spot on with the putter I can only hit my driver into the trees. It's so frustrating and beguiling all at the same time. And just when I'm ready to chuck it all I make one of those magical, pure shots. "I hate golf, I hate golf, I hate golf..." "oh, nice shot!" " I love golf, I love golf, I love golf."
And it's meditative. I've been in that magical zone where you don't think you just do. How do I get back in that zone? You have to think, you have to plan and take risks, but you have to let it go and not think. Oh so paradoxical! I have to have a conservative game plan. I have to know when to take chances and know when to take my lumps and just get it back to the fairway. I have to play from within my abilities, but that's so hard. I want the glory. I want to absolutely crush the ball. There's a time for that, but is now the time?
And, golf, unlike other sports, is a lifelong pursuit. You can play it 'til you're dead. I got my butt kicked by a seventy year old woman a couple of weeks ago. How cool is that? What a hoot! And it's not all about ego. It's fun. It's a social past time. It's a game where manners and etiquette matter.
I understand that in many parts of the world golf is a rich man's sport. There are class issues involved. Here in Arizona anyone can afford to play golf. You still need to wear a collared shirt at better courses, but it's not about money. And the contrast between the green of the golf course and the brown of the surrounding desert and mountains is so, so beautiful! It's like walking on an emerald gem. The birds are chirping, the prairie dogs and bunny rabbits are scurrying about, the water is crystal clear with big fishies swimming who've never known the fear of the hook, wild coyotes wonder fearlessly across the fairways, geese who have migrated from the north waddle around or fly over, and it's all just so serene and wonderful! And I step up to the tee box and absolutely CRUSH my driver. Man, heaven cannot be as good as this.
Chris
