No. Not at all. I think you're welcome here, unless there are badly offensive statements, which I don't think there are.
No, the thing is that to a writer, who has worked to absorb some of the discipline the use of the written word entails, it's like a musician listening to someone bumbling around on the piano, making a sound which seems cool to themselves, but which just isn't going to hold anyone else's attention for too long?
I call it Jazz! Bing bing bing bada bing. Who else should I make music for but me first of all?
Not saying you aren't right, maybe my music / writing formally sucks and will never be considered worth anything by anyone, but how much worse would it be if I hated it myself as well?
Or lets say I made a living by doing and saying and creating what I don't really like but everyone approves of? Then my food is their applause, but it isn't really satisfying for me. Its a little nice, but not what I'm about.
What I am most satisfied by is making what I like and liking what I make. This applies to everything in my life.
At some point I felt like wow, life isn't so long, and people only love you if you give them something they want, and they are very fickle and thankless too, and so who should I work for and who should I be most pleasing for? What experience do I really have thorough access too? Well, only my own! So then that person I should give the most enjoyment first and get everything for is the one I'm stuck with and feeling with, me me me.
I don't know what God knows or feels, and God has everything and no needs, so working for something I can't access is certainly weird.
I don't know how people necessarily feel inside, I only know and have access to my own feelings, likes, and dislikes, thoughts, and opinions. So as far as I can get away with it, I think its beneficial to gain pleasure for the one who you feel it as. Of course, our pleasure is like you've noticed, not the pleasure of others, just as their pleasure does little to stimulate us and ours, we are essentially cut off. We get a little joy seeing someone happy, but overall its nothing like being happy and generating what makes you yourself happy first.
So going bong bong on the piano really sends the right chemicals into me for whatever reason, so I do it, bong bong, and hope people generally leave me to it.
Everyone has different tastes of course, so if someone doesn't want to attend a bong bong concert they can just skip it and listen to what they might prefer more.
Why do I go bong bong even if people hate it? I think I go bong bong even if people hate it because I like it, and if I hated it I wouldn't do it, and if I didn't like it but others did I'd not do it either, because I can not even access their feeling juice the way I certainly can my own!
The reason I'm writing this here is that I wonder if it might not also be a helpful thing to think about.
How much should we live our life to meet the standards or ideals of others and not those which we prefer most?
I'm ultimately of an understandably odious and obnoxious sounding philosophy of hedonism and the pursuit of personal pleasure, and only have the luck of enjoying things which are pretty harmless overall, such as writing things like this or being beautiful or making nice art and music (nice to me), and reading things of interest, and no liking alcohol, drugs, serial sexual affairs, gambling, or anything else which causes people the most problems usually.
My whole life and all my goals are dedicated to self-service and extending my ability to savor and enjoy and extract maximum enjoyment out of every hour and minute of interacting with information. I can not imagine anything else to do with my time but to maximize pleasure and minimize pain here and now as well as in the hope of forever.
It would be entirely contrary to this if I had some other practice or became convinced somehow that pleasing others over all leads to anything so great as enjoying myself and crafting a life and body and image and products all for my great pleasure.
I'm my number 1 fan and I try to know what I like and how to get it for me and extend it for my enjoyment.
I think I've got it right, but I like to puzzle over alternative suggestions and re-prioritized schemes to see if they can convince me, yet its a hard thing to convince me because my whole basis of "value" is based on pleasure and pain, with prolonged or ever-lasting pleasure without pain being the highest possible goal and achievement, and prolonged or ever-lasting pain without pleasure being the result I hope most to avoid forever and always.
That is the whole basis of my very basic and simplistic worldview, how to gain the best pleasure without detriments or bad consequences and avoid the most pain forever.