Despite my father's wishes, the baptism I received as an infant never really 'caught'. I was sent to Sunday school each week, and often visited a Good News Club down the street. Apparently, I did well there, because they tried to get me into junior ...missionary? work(not sure how to title this). I declined; my best friend wasn't extended the same invitation, and I took exception to it.
Dad was fire and brimstone, Mom was a closet New Ager. I faithfully stayed Christian in name until about 16, reading through Mom's books when Dad wasn't home. Reincarnation made more sense to me(still does). I disliked church(it was boring, and I didn't connect with the kids there), and stopped going in my early teen years. Dad would ground me, but eventually we compromised, and I was to read a chapter of the Bible each week instead. Despite all this exposure, I hardly remember Christianity. The names didn't stick in my head, the stories didn't speak to my heart enough to remember much past the very basics.
I think I was always meant for another path. I remember being about 8, and cutting myself on the bathroom faucet. I was about to scream for Ma, and then realized "this is pain. Its a sensation. It doesn't have to be negative." I rinsed my hand off, and went back to playing. I also remember trying to talk to my mom about the importance of non attachment(I was in my teen years at this point), and being sent to a therapist.
I met a Pagan in my mid teens. I stayed Christian in name awhile. She never once tried to convert me, but would look the other way when I borrowed her notes and books. The Gods had caught me, and would only let me push them aside for another year or so before I 'came out of the broomcloset' as it was called back then. I spent most of my adult life as a Pagan, raising my oldest son as such exclusively. I had a very tumultuous early adulthood, but once I was in a safer and happier space, I studied Druidry with AODA and OBOD for a good number of years.
My husband and I were looking for community; there was none for Pagans here. While he didn't identify as Pagan, he didn't identify as Abrahamic, either, and we were both wanting something. We tried out the UUs, and threw ourselves into it wholeheartedly. Bad choice. We found it to be more political than religious(neither of us are very political people), and had a large number of loud and angry atheists who were sometimes less than kind towards the religious(not saying all atheists are as such, just that this group was). Not all was a waste of time, though, for it hosted a Buddhist Path group that I credit with helping me find the proper mindset to raise not one, but two, boys on the autism spectrum. If not for those kind men, I believe I'd be a mess. But, being exposed to Eastern thought woke those pieces up in me again; things I'd suppressed for awhile. Someone new to the group asked me what I identified as, and I told him, after a pause, "I guess I'm a Bugan." One of the regulars looked interested and asked what that was and I said "Somewhat of a mix between a Pagan and a Buddhist, I suppose."
Time moves on, and life became hard again, and I was no longer able to meet up with my Buddhist friends. My husband and I had met another couple who we studied religion with, and I'd gotten a copy of the Gita(with commentary). My exposure to Hinduism was limited at that time, but the book had caught my eye. I read it a bit, and a part: "Krishna has so many arms; why don't you let him carry your problems?" I thought it was cute and laughed, but moved along.
Up until around that time, I'd lived with severe anxiety. It affected many areas of my life, making it extremely difficult to connect with other people or to get simple things done. There was at least one panic attack a day, typically more. I was driving somewhere, and the hyperventilation started up, and it was to a point where I'd have to pull over... and I just got mad. Real mad. And for whatever reason, I recalled that bit of commentary in the Gita, and I asked Krishna(rather rudely), if he all thought this was funny, because I sure didn't! And! He could just have it, so why doesn't he use his arms, and take it away!" And I felt a hand go into my chest, and remove something heavy. And then I felt light, mentally, physically... I could hear friendly laughter. So! It was funny after all! And I went home a new person, and my husband had no idea what to do with me, merely that I was very different... and that began our journey into Hinduism. And that's the path I've been on since, though one of the friends I mentioned and I do kind of an interfaith blend between our two faiths(Pagan and Hindu), for we both lack community otherwise.
www.unity.org
