Thank you for your thoughtful, and moving posts everyone...
I do believe in Jesus, and I wish to follow him. He never asked me to worship, but he did ask me to 'follow'. Does this mean follow his teachings, and the example he set, or does it mean something else?
If he askes me to follow his teachings, and 'example', then I must also accept my cross, (As he did) and die as he died. Couldn't this be the will of God; that I do as Jesus did, and die in my sins (for him)?
Matthew 16:21-23
21. From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day.
22. Then Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee.
23. But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.
It is man who savours the idea of being exempt from what
must happen. (Justice) We are all sinners, and the penalty for sin is death. I think Jesus may have been showing us that death is unavoidable for mankind, but his ressurection gives hope that I might also be raised from the dead, if I follow him faithfully, and learn the meaning of Love.
Consider this:
John 15:12-14
12. This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
13. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
14. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
He layed down his life for his friends/followers. In my mind, how can you Love a person, and still let them suffer for what you have done. (If only in Spirit) Perhaps, it is my obligation to return the favor, and die for Jesus, and "Love him just as 'he' Loved me"?
It may seem to you that I'm twisting the meaning behind it all, but this is just how my mind works, and believe me, I struggle with it!
Love is not always about emotion, it is often about action as well. Would my actions, and intention to die for Jesus,
just as he died for me, not be considered worthy in the eyes of God? In the end, it's really all about self sacrifice, isn't it?
I am more than happy to give my life to Jesus' cause, (What I believe it to be) but giving away my soul for my own salvation is quite another story:
Matthew 16:26-27
26. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
27. For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works.
If I'm true to myself, and if I'm true to the message of Love that Jesus Lived, and 'follow', then my works would surely be honorable, right?
I think I found out how to find Love, also: I re-read the parable of the talents, and viewed the talents as representing Love, and it showed me that in order to love, you must express/invest love in others, and then Love will multiply.
I do have a measure of Love within me. It's time for me to invest it in others...
Actions speak louder than words, even more so, they speak louder than emotion alone...
Then again, I am really twisted up inside at the moment...
Faith w/o works is dead, or so says James,
~cage~