Jokes, jokes, and more jokes ...

What's the difference between a bloke that says he's a pervert and one that says he isn't?

One of them's also a liar! :D
 
Ok, so the day came when St. Peter, who to this day still stands at the gates of heaven, to judge those who were destroyed in Sodom and Gomora.

One walks up to the gates, and St. Peter asks? Did you learn anything from your destruction? The guy replies yes yes sir, I learnt my lesson good.

Ok, said St. Peter. I have only one further question, but it's about golf. St. Peter then proceeded to ask this question: Is there anything better than a hole in one?

The man from Sodom and Gomora was thinking to himself I know this is a trick question, but I don't know how to answer it. He ponders the question for 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes, and the people in line behind him are getting impatient. 30, 40 60 minutes pass as he ponders the question. "Get on with it man! It's getting cold and we need some rest". Shouted another in line behind him.

So, he decides he wouldn't answer at all and made a break for it! He tried jumping the fence in attempt to break into heaven. St. Peter called in a couple angels to bind him hand and foot and cast him into outer darkness.

The next guy comes up to the front, and St. Peter asks the same of him. Yes St. Peter, I have learned well.

Is there anything better than a hole in one? Asked St Peter. The man replies: Yes there is … "Two holes in one."

St. Peter says, welcome my friend you may enter. God is a Jealous God indeed, and She Knows your needs.
 
How's a push-up bra like a packet of crisps?
When you open it, you find out there wasn't as much inside as you thought. -:D
 
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I got pulled over by a pessimistic police officer.

He thought my bottle was half empty.

Three elephants jumped out of a plane two landed on the land and one hit the water.
 
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