earl,
Thank you for that. You remind me of several things, not the least of which is that there are some communication styles which
just work for me better than others. Don't ask me how or why, yet you've managed to compress something powerful & profound into a clear & straightforward
block ... and it both resonates and invigorates me with 100% harmony & accord.
The thought I found myself having, before I even finished the block, was that -
yes, I know we differ in outward appearance, yet here is someone with whom I feel I am utterly and completely "on the same page."
Now I know you've seen my posts, earl, as zagreus and as taijasi ... and I'm quite familiar with presumed "points of difference" - but you see,
again, I'm not sure how to phrase it, I'm just aware that
IF we kept seeking
discrepancies and sticking-points, we'd all be in this thing forever. {
What thing? Mmmm ... the Matrix? The Wheel? The lesser expression of the Incarnate Logos? All are different ways of saying the same, imho and `book.'}
So we might need to ask ourself (as I feel I am just now doing in a sort of
epiphany - thanks, earl, for helping to facilitate that!) ...
at what point are we willing to cease picking nits, and open to an accord & understanding with other people which is "close enough" to our own?
Close enough for what?
Well that's kind of just what I'm getting at, without knowing how to say it or express it. Close enough, I guess, to feel that,
AHA! Here is a kindred Soul upon the Path, someone whom I might call - IN ANY DAY - Friend. Someone whom I would trust ... with my own friends, my family, perhaps even my very Life. And above all, with whom I would (and do) consider it a True Honor (privilege, & Blessing) to be able to walk a few steps together ... along this Path, sharing in the Journey.
I just feel I don't even
begin to know how to express it, or even understand it sometimes, so please forgive my
hokiness, if that's how you feel I'm being, but I'm getting sick of pretending
anything like "holiness," and I have long since lost, in years past, the ability to communicate as directly and openly as I sometimes (or more deeply) desire.
So if & when the
"kindred-ness" appears, as in an epiphany or flash, then the better I
seize it, and maybe let
It push my pen (fingers, keys), than whatever this other human stuff is which I'm so used to giving expression.
wil is another person here at CR with whom I've felt this, and in fact, whom I've come to inwardly embrace as a
"kindred soul" ... though wil, I don't know if you've really had an inkling of how much your posts, your presence, your humor and your
Aries-like Spirit (with Piscean-Aquarian temperance) has always (especially recently) meant to me.
{now you do!}
Pretty well everyone else at CR, at one point or another -
both our "regulars," as well as those who come & go, and even especially some who have moved on - means
essentially the same,
to me, as you two guys, earl & wil. Naming names is a bit more than uncomfortable for me, because there is such
undue emphasis when we begin to "spell things out."
Thus, if all I did was say,
"Hey earl, neat, I like how you said X ..." - then would I even begin to express what I've tried to communicate via my current rambling? I dunno ...
~~-~~~-~~
The Clear Light of Christ/Logos ... is something always present, perhaps in one sense, even
Absolutely ... at least in my experience and belief. If that is true, then I'm just feeling how fortunate I am (and we all are) - to be experiencing its effects.
And I like how I didn't have to ASK you, earl, to share this gift with me ... or get down on my knees and grovel, and demonstrate some kind of formulaic "worship."
Even earlier today, as I helped my 101 year old friend (and fellow esotericist) to
write a letter, the thought occured to me,
"What does she mean when she says she prays, and how would she answer me if I asked about it?" The answer came to me, and it means a little more to me now, or rather, my understanding of
prayer is a little bit stronger, because I feel that
she shared something with me, just as you have, earl (and others have) ... even though I never even voiced my own "prayers" - or earnest desire for understanding, outloud.
It is as if there is a Divine Presence which knows, and hears, our needs -
and answers them, meeting us where we are, regardless as to all, other, outer circumstances. And the most that is required of us, yet the one factor which can make
all the difference in the world - is
are we open to It?
There is an
AWFUL temptation to try and
turn these last five words around. But I know I am
tremendously manipulative - with other people, and within my own self (or lower mind) - because I would
much rather avoid changing who and what I am ... then look
even a little more directly into the face of this Clear Light of Christ/Logos, which you have just shown me, earl.
This Light does shine within each and every one of us. I am more convinced of that, than of
ANY other single "thing" ... whatsoever. If my outward surroundings suddenly
winked out for a moment, or even permanently, and all that remained was complete darkness, even such that I became a
dimensionless point ... there is something within me that I Know could not be
shaken or stirred by this realization of ---
So much qualification. The word is awkward to me, but all I can come up with at the moment is,
`The Qualifer.' I mean, what or
Whom else could there even be, Who could
bring meaning when otherwise there
was none ... or
put things into (proper) context, where beforehand there was only question.
The
urge to personify, for me, is probably just one more aspect, or manner in which,
"the mind is the great slayer of the Real." Therefore, even though people often use very clear & distinct
words/terms to describe some of this ... I feel it's useful to ask,
can we always arrive at true meaning, or understanding, by Invoking (a) Presence via a name - or might it be, that unless & until a certain
Quality is present, the rest will
not reveal itself, but may even stay ...
forever concealed (?) ...
Why am I more comfortable as an esotericist, than as a Christian? Perhaps because I
do believe ... that it is the Quality, which opens up our own greater understanding, and introduces us to God, rather than vice versa. If I first go
within, then regardless of what I might find, it's a safe bet
that if I look hard enough, and long enough, the Pathway back to God will reveal itself.
I think we return to some of the same lessons, even the most basic,
each & every time around life's spiral. I know I am re-learning many of the most important lessons, including those of the value of Friends, and of a `Faith Community.' I also know that this is not the first time I've encountered these lessons, nor is this the
highest application of their significance, even just for me ... since I am so, so far away from (personal) mastery. Yet perhaps the greatest lesson of all, which I am able to recognize at the moment, is that of
Authenticity.
And in some ways, I almost feel I've been one of the
least authentic people at CR for my entire sojourn! There are a few exceptions, but I wonder,
what could be important for us than that we share with others, and express ourselves,
as we are - even Who we are - and not seek to do so despite what we are?
I feel that there's more than one level of meaning in that, yet
if we must think of it in terms of a simple dichotomy, then perhaps it will make sense (for some) why I am so grateful for the
Ageless Wisdom Teachiings in my life:
We are Soul, not form. We are temporarily an expressed personality, yet more permanently an Immortal Individuality. And although all outward appearances & circumstances will change ... the Eternal Pilgrim experiences it ALL - merely in the wink of an eye.
Apologies for rambling on. Our quaint little expression,
"getting things off my chest" has all the world to do with the
heart center ... and as for cleaning house, I don't know how there could be any room more important -
than this antechamber, and sitting room.
Namaskara,
andrew