Mark and I were groomed since birth to play an important role in the hierarchy of the SDA church. My father was very highly placed, and we were essentially little princes in waiting. In the last year of his life Mark decided to step into that role. I don't doubt his sincerity, but the fact is that a great deal of his motivation came from needing forgiveness for being a less than stellar father, needing my parents approval, wanting the attention which was his for the taking by accepting the role, and a need to make up for feelings of failure. Much of what he said here reflected his aspirations more than the reality of his life. He was not a vegetarian. He was not a strict sabbatarian. He was not even well versed in the theology he professed to believe. He had not made a serious, scholarly effort to understand the theological underpinnings of the dogma he accepted on faith. He took the easy way out all his life.
It is a great comfort to my parents that my brother came back to their religion and died an Adventist. They would like to use his death to pressure me to do the same. I'm not going to burst their bubble as far as he is concerned, and I'll accept the slings and arrows in silence to protect their feelings. I loved my brother more than life. I love him as much now as when he was alive. But I can't be dishonest with myself.
Chris
My brother Mark who you all know as Prober died in the night last night of a heart attack. He was 44.
Chris
I hunted down the thread where you first announced Mark's death. I don't think I can express anything more than regret over his death and must say I'm sorry for what happened, and even that I didn't say anything about it. During the month in which he died, I was rather busy. I was going to post something as tribute, but I was kind of lost for words . . . I didn't know what to write. At first I thought I knew him, but then I realised I didn't know that much about him at all. Hours became days. Days became weeks. Now it's been two months. I decided more or less that I had missed my chance.
What you've just said has helped remind me, to some extent of the person that he had been. I wanted to make it all fancy and meaningful, but this will have to do ...........
I saw him as a rather open-minded guy who embraced all faiths to some extent, and it did seem like he was also becoming "more pious" or "more reverent" although I had thought it was just a general trend of embracing the meaning of all faiths. I spent most of my time in the Belief/Spirituality and Abrahamic faith forums so there may have been a lot that I missed in other forums.
I do remember something he said about being vegetarian in one particular thread, that he believed God wanted him to abstain from meat. I expressed that although it may have been true, that hey, maybe God still didn't look down on non-vegetarians (and quoted a verse). He expressed agreement.
I still remember the "know thyself" motto he carried and thought of him as a "really spiritual guy" (whatever that may mean, I'm not so sure myself -- the word "spiritual" is all I can think of).
I remember vaguely something about a Sabbath, and even a discussion with dauer about masturbation (
shabbos, was it?), where he said, "I know what I'll be doing this Saturday/Sunday." It may have been connected with the notion of Sabbath.
I remember one time, in response to one of my posts, he wrote a big
Yes! in big bold print in affirmation of views to which he agreed. It made me feel good, but at the same time I was wondering what the message was -- he affirmed vegetarianism, the Sabbath, he went on the Judaism forum, affirmed their views -- he seemed like an all-rounder. The big
Yes! made me feel all good inside and I kind of feel like I owe him this.
These were all just hints, but apart from that I didn't have much insight into his character -- just hints and signs.
The name "Prober" -- yes that was what I thought of him -- a prober!!!! Every time I saw his screen name that was what I thought -- he was probing again.
Several months before his death, his avatar changed to......a man in a hood?
He was not even well versed in the theology he professed to believe. He had not made a serious, scholarly effort to understand the theological underpinnings of the dogma he accepted on faith. He took the easy way out all his life.
I had no idea he became an SDA -- that that was the reason behind a lot of what he said.............perhaps making peace with everyone. Maybe he knew his time was short and wanted to make the most of everything he had ever seen and known. SDA was perhaps never really the highest concept in his life, he was only doing it because it was important to his/your parents.
Anyway, thanks for sharing that with us.
Regards,
Salty.
