Coping

Sancho

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This thread invites perspectives on coping with any of life's troubles. How do you get through each passing day? What words have helped you through your lowest hours?

Some words that have helped me recently come from "Upbuilding discourses in various spirits", by Soren Kierkegaard.

Above all, however, there is one thought, and only one, capable of turning the balance, one thought which which has the power of transforming the heavy burden into a burden that is light, and this is that it is good, that the heavy burden is good for one. [...]

Suffering is a lesson full of danger; for, if we do not learn obedience --ah, then it is as terrible as if the most efficacious of medicines had the wrong effect! In such danger man needs help: he needs the help of God; else he learns not obedience. And if he learns not obedience then he may learn the worst corruption --learn a cowardly hopelessness, learn a quenching of the spirit; learn to damp down whatever fire of nobility is in him, learn perverseness and despair. But just because the lesson of sufferings is so dangerous, therefore we say, quite rightly, that in this school of sufferings we are educated for eternity; for in no other school is there such danger, but neither is there such a prize: the greatest danger and the greatest prize --but the greatest of prizes is eternity. [. . .]

Since it is the supposition of our discourse that a man before God is always guilty, this is the joy in it: that the fault is therefore with the man, and consequently there must always be something to be done, there must be tasks, and with the tasks a hope, that everything can and will be better, when he becomes better, more diligent, more prayerful, more obedient, more humble, more devout, more ardent in his love, more fervent in spirit. [. . .]

Tribulation is the way. This then is what is joyous: that it is not the peculiar property of the way to be strait and narrow, but it is the peculiar property of tribulation [a play on the dual meanings of the Danish word for narrowness/tribulation] to be the way. And so it follows, that tribulation must lead somewhere, that it must be a practicable road to a destination not beyond human power. [. . .]

According to the greatness of the danger, so there is given, we hope and believe, the courage from above, and even in dangers not so great there is still need of courage. And so, whoever thou art, if thou hast that which thou callest conviction (and sad indeed it were didst thou have none), and if it is required of thee to fight for it: then seek thou not the world's support and the support of men. For such support is treacherous enough sometimes to such a point (and even this is not the real point of danger) that it disappoints and fails us in the hour of greatest difficulty, but sometimes also (and this is the true danger) to such a point that when it is given freely it stiffles the good cause. For even as many a cause, it may be, has been lost because the support of the world was lacking, so too has many a cause been ruined because the world was allowed to help. Nay, but seek courage with God.
 
Namaste Sancho,

Surrender, surrender your issues to G!d.

Now if you need another perspective...

I've got a mantra, "I don't remember standing in line for this class, I don't remember wanting to take this class. But I do want to pass it, as I don't want to have to take it again."

You see I feel every instance in our life is provided for us to learn, compassion, patience, tolerance maybe. Somewhere it is said G!d doesn't send us patient people to learn patience. Or loving people to learn unconditional love. It is upto us in our weakest moments to realize this to shall pass. And learn to grow from the experience.

Another method I've utilized is a form of meditation for me. Whatever my trouble...I rise above it. A virtual OBE. Looking down on the top of my head I visualize the situation, and rise above it. Lookikng down at the field/building I am in, I rise above it. Looking down at the community/area I am in, I rise above it. Looking down at the city/countryside, I rise above it. Looking down at the continent I am on, I rise above it. Looking down at the earth, I rise above it. Looking out at our solar system, I rise above it. While admiring our galaxy, I step back. While being amazed at all there is, I contemplate the order of the universe, the magnitude of it all, all in balance, all in orbit...and somewhere, our planet is in orbit, our sun burning....what was my issue?

Life is good brother... I hope something here resonates.
 
Now if you need another perspective...

I've got a mantra, "I don't remember standing in line for this class, I don't remember wanting to take this class. But I do want to pass it, as I don't want to have to take it again."

I will have to remember that one in the future.

wil said:
You see I feel every instance in our life is provided for us to learn, compassion, patience, tolerance maybe. Somewhere it is said G!d doesn't send us patient people to learn patience. Or loving people to learn unconditional love. It is upto us in our weakest moments to realize this to shall pass. And learn to grow from the experience.

Another method I've utilized is a form of meditation for me. Whatever my trouble...I rise above it. A virtual OBE. Looking down on the top of my head I visualize the situation, and rise above it. Lookikng down at the field/building I am in, I rise above it. Looking down at the community/area I am in, I rise above it. Looking down at the city/countryside, I rise above it. Looking down at the continent I am on, I rise above it. Looking down at the earth, I rise above it. Looking out at our solar system, I rise above it. While admiring our galaxy, I step back. While being amazed at all there is, I contemplate the order of the universe, the magnitude of it all, all in balance, all in orbit...and somewhere, our planet is in orbit, our sun burning....what was my issue?

Life is good brother... I hope something here resonates.


Good stuff.
 
I used to just get blitzed out of my mind on mind bending drugs :D

Now I find I don't need to cope, because I don't care...

Never was one to read anothers words... Those whom sit perched upon their clouds of judgement handing out life lessons..... Something bad happens... I just say "f it."

"And learn to grow from the experience."

Experience is like sin.... We want to learn from it and move away from it and perhaps "be forgiven" for it.... But, pretty much sure to happen again :) So cope... I don't cope.
 
the Psalms are great for this :)

Psalm 40:1-2 (New American Standard Bible)

I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me and heard my cry.
He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay,
And He set my feet upon a rock (E)making my footsteps firm.
 
And so, whoever thou art, if thou hast that which thou callest conviction (and sad indeed it were didst thou have none), and if it is required of thee to fight for it: then seek thou not the world's support and the support of men [....] For even as many a cause, it may be, has been lost because the support of the world was lacking, so too has many a cause been ruined because the world was allowed to help. Nay, but seek courage with God.
That... (for me) is faith, crystallized.

Conviction is what leads one to discover the difference between confidence, and spirit. Confidence can vanish when needed most, (because it is placed in one's own ability.) But spirit is regenerative... spirit can never be defeated... Because via conviction one realizes that the material outcome is of no consequence... the purpose is all that matters.

The real war is within.
 
I will have to remember that one in the future.

Good stuff.
Namaste Pathless,

They have had the ability of changing my perspective.

Another. When my wife was pregnant with twins a friend who had two sets of twins in the 50's, a year and a half apart...contemplate it, 4 kids in cloth diapers at one time! Her recommendation, whatever the kids get into, make sure they are safe and then get a camera and take a picture. In the time it takes to take a picture, you've litterally and metaphorically changed your focus, gained a new perspective, looked at the situation thru another lense...and turned what was something that could have sent you off...to something you are saving for posterity and a moment you will enjoy forever. Powerful it was.

The other she taught me. It isn't count to 10, it is take 10 deep long breaths...anyone can count to ten and not change their frame of mind...10 long deep breaths changes you physically and helps you move to a new place.

peace
 
[FONT=Helvetica, sans-serif]In April 2004, I attended an 8 hour Zazen with the Springs Mountain Sangha, a community affiliated with the Open Source. see Awakened Life: The Open Source
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, sans-serif]The time was spent with alternating periods of sitting and walking meditation (outside in a lovely garden and the weather was sunny so most of the previous day snow had melted); some teaching by the 2 Zen instructors; a Sutra time and a time for working on a Koan. I had been walking a metaphysical journey and always the question that has haunted me: How are we transformed from being self-absorbed into being a kind, compassionate person who has a deep love for and is engaged with the world?[/FONT]

[FONT=Helvetica, sans-serif]At the Zen Retreat, we were asked to work with and meditate on the Koan: "This is the stone, drenched with rain, that points the way."
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, sans-serif]Here is what I wrote:[/FONT]

[FONT=Helvetica, sans-serif]Saturday was a healing time for me and yet not healing. I had a dream Saturday night that I was traveling on a road. Sometimes I was walking and sometimes I was driving an[/FONT][FONT=Helvetica, sans-serif] invisible car. Sometimes I was alone and sometimes I was with people both familiar and unfamiliar. At times, I stopped due to blinding sand storms and then I had to turn around because the roads were flooded and too muddy for travel. On these roads were many narrow tunnels that only a small human body could fit through. I worked hard at squeezing through these tunnels, encouraging those behind me to come along and pushing those ahead who were blocking the way. Other tunnels were more of a challenge as I had people behind me, pulling me back and people in front of pushing me back. Some how, I made it through the tunnels only to find that the road never ended...[/FONT]

[FONT=Helvetica, sans-serif]As I continued to sit with the Koan.."This is the stone, drenched with rain, that points the way," I entered into a sense of "I AM" the isness that John spoke of.. "The stone is" Being is something that one is not something that one does. And yet as one is called into being by love, that source empowers us to transcend all limits and frees us to give ourselves away. We need to make our way, step by step.[/FONT]

[FONT=Helvetica, sans-serif]The stone is my heart drenched with my tears; with the world's tears, pointing the way out, into or beside suffering. We enter the forest of that suffering, stepping on the many stones that lead to the gate of compassion. As we walk that path, we are transformed. My heart is.[/FONT]
 
Sancho:
Three of the most profound books that have helped me transcend the chronic physical pain that engulfs my body and my soul on a daily basis are:

Living Through Pain,
Psalms and the Search for Wholeness

by Kristin M. Swenson

Healing Into Life and Death by Stephen Levine
Along with another book of his: Guided Meditations, Explorations and Healings.

I can share some thoughts or meditations from these if you would like. there are many specific guided meditations on softening pain, letting pain float, a healing guided meditation, etc. I have used some of them as coping mechanisms. I also can talk about how Swenson's book impacted me but for now, I need to go and I may be back here later tomorrow.
 
wil said:
Another. When my wife was pregnant with twins a friend who had two sets of twins in the 50's, a year and a half apart...contemplate it, 4 kids in cloth diapers at one time! Her recommendation, whatever the kids get into, make sure they are safe and then get a camera and take a picture. In the time it takes to take a picture, you've litterally and metaphorically changed your focus, gained a new perspective, looked at the situation thru another lense...and turned what was something that could have sent you off...to something you are saving for posterity and a moment you will enjoy forever. Powerful it was.

I've got pictures in my photo album side by side. One show my oldest daughter at about age two with red lipstick all over her face, with a shocked expression in her face after getting caught, after getting into my wife's make-up bag. Six years later, I have a near identical picture of my youngest daughter in the same exact scenerio, complete with the same shocked face.

Priceless indeed.
 
This thread invites perspectives on coping with any of life's troubles. How do you get through each passing day? What words have helped you through your lowest hours?

Some words that have helped me recently come from "Upbuilding discourses in various spirits", by Soren Kierkegaard.

Hi Sancho

I don't read Kierkegaard as suggesting how to cope but rather how to become alive. It seems to me that I am always coping. That is why I need these great idea and great art to help me remember what it means to live. So for me, every little bit helps. Otherwise I forget that Man including me has the potential for objective meaning and purpose regardless of physical circumstances if I am willing to live life rather then allowing life to live me through dependence on coping skills.
 
Thanks for all the helpful comments.

Part of why I started this thread was because surely one of the main purposes of spiritual communities is to share insights on how to deal with troubles. The OED simply defines the verb cope, "deal effectively with something difficult." Surely we all have to deal with difficulties. We might as well do it effectively. Likely there are many who glance through these forums who also wish they had a supportive spiritual community. Anyone with insight for those random glancers looking to effectively deal with difficulties, is encouraged to offer it.
 
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