With freedom is true response-ability. It does not relate to duty, it is simply to understand more deeply and respond, no more simply chaotically reacting as the instincts insist, and yet no need to plan because you do not need to attempt to shape anything yourself.
I witnessed that you deny your response-ability, and you cling to and chaotically react to your flesh's instincts. A person who watches their mind and body, thinking to themselves that it is responsible and that they can merely just watch it behave in a sinful manner without taking responsibility for it... in my view, behaves as a hellish demon.
Going out on your patio, enjoying nature, being one with the trees and the birds and the wind, this is where I found silence when I was staying with you. Communing with the trees along the road and near your work, this was my silence. You are only aware of the peripheral though, you are ignorant to the essence of this place.
So now you confess that you had freedom at our house, though you still denied it at the time by claiming to be a victim of the advertisements for smoking, and my any mention of the term, "smoking". As you said, you would necessarily have to go out on the back deck any time that I mentioned "smoking". A slave to my words, in your view, because you deny responsibility.
You do not understand freedom at all, for you it is in relation to something - not being restricted. This is not what I mean by freedom, by freedom I mean there is no relation at all, because you are the whole. You are extended to the whole of the universe and beyond it, even sitting in your room motionless. The restriction is the body, not where the body can go or what is done with the body. This wall people create between inner and outer is the prison which spirituality tries to break down - it is a perception that this is you and that is something else, it is false.
I watched when you raised the term, 'freedom'. I watched how you used it, and what you used it in response to. I know full well your working definition of the term, 'freedom'. You deceive yourself. Your wholeness is your aloneness. Your freedom is your solo control. As someone tells you what
to do, you have a total meltdown. That does not jive with your false dichotomy.
All is an expression of love, nothing else exists, nothing else can exist. When two pure loves commune, there is no longer two, the love merges and becomes a single whole. Nothing is lost, except that which is false, the concepts of mind. This is where you go on missing, you talk about creating a whole out of two halves - compromise - where as sharing means two wholes have merged and only added to each ones energy. You go on making everything less, chopping away at everything, this is utterly against spirituality, spirituality is to realize the whole, it is a growing not a shrinking.
That would be mildly interesting if there were a love that you communed with. You prefer to be alone and think to yourself that you are communing with the universe, with existance, with everyone, with the ultimate. Your claimed union, communion, and wholeness, is your alone-ness. Even around people, I think you are alone, because you have mentally preferred to deny all responsibility for your actions.
Just because a guy gets married with a girl and helps raise a family, does not mean that they are not whole. A few organs, like the reproductive organs, are obviously not very functional being alone. Are your reproductive organs whole by being alone with your body? Similarly there are other organs like the ears... not so productive alone when there is nothing to hear. Similarly the lungs, the heart, the brain, the arms, the hands, the legs, and the feet... they may seem to be whole being confined to your way of life, stuck with each other under your will. I say they are likewise impotent. Your will is that they remain alone, idle, uncommitted, and away from any others like them. They are even opposed to each other. For example your lungs suffer to support your brain's nichotine habit. If someone else tells your feet what to do, you will go ballistic. Your hands and feet idle because you prefer to give them very little to do.
I suggest that your closest communion, with other loves, is playing a game of soccer... at least as you have described it. Then, you are willing to follow some symmetrically agreed to rules, and interact, and do. With your parents, I was hearing a highly non-symmetric relationship, as you prefer it. You tell your step dad where you want him to take you. He does. If he tells you where he wants you, there is a rebellion... I am sure he gets an ear full from you: 'freedom', 'wholeness', 'commune', etc... You often cite Webster: have you looked up the words 'commune', 'whole', and 'freedom'?