Oh MY GOD, are you for real Salty???????? basically the man in your argument is a victim???? CR-P. Without quoteing and requoting everything you said. Ill try to respond and try to make sense. OK? Where do I start??? You have assumed that the female was a critical person basically driving this poor man to erupt in violence. and because we are the nuturing one, the thinking one that we should look for a resolution to this problem. When the male of the species drinks every second night (yes, look at the calendar) for various reasons as (its really hot today, its really cold today, Im bored, there is too much to do. your family **** me. why dont your family talk to me?...)Then you want to get critical believe me you really really want to get critical but you say for your own safety. thats ok what would you like for tea? thank god you didnt ask anything about where hes sbeen or where his wage has gone or who that woman was that rang up looking for him? Next you get to spend the next few hours running around the house, yard shed whatever, trying to persuade him that you can thinkd f0r yourself, and you can cook tea without asking him every 5 minutes what he would like. Being chased with a cricket bat isnt much fun. But I can tell you this, I can out think him and I have had to and it was only when i noticed my boys trying to ment6ally stay ahead of him and not get beat up that I broke.
the mental torture of continuous beating and personal degredation can break you but its also about self control. I have it . I have HAD to have it. If I didnt have it I would be locked up. I have only bveen albe to be critical now because its been 10 years since I was in that relationship. If you can call it that. ten years is a long time thankfully . but it still has scars. I couldnt say anything out of line to him back then, one day Ill catch up with him then Ill have a few words to say.
My point is.......... When he is at fault. he IS at fault.
Ok yes I have to admit this is the man in my argument.
Let's stick with straw men for now. Not real men.
But first let me say this. I'm not try to find faults in anyone. What I would like to say is that we are
all victims here. You're a victim because you're with a man you can't understand. He does things for no good reason. He doesn't tell you why, and doesn't express himself enough to tell you why. The trouble is, not all of his true feelings are "in the foreground." Whatever he says, even if he tries to answer your question, he won't try to give you the most accurate answer. There's always a "deeper truth" to what he says.
What a man does makes sense to a man, particularly the mates with whom he spends time at the pub. They are the ones that actually know him. You don't know him. He doesn't reveal his inner self to you. He doesn't want you to know. He doesn't know what you'll think of him. If he's been bashing you up for the last ten years he certainly won't know what to expect.
What? All of a sudden you concede after ten years of maintaining you're right? From now on you could be set to lose out of every fight/conflict you've had with that woman. She's going to use that against you from now on. She's not going to give you any peace. You admitted you were wrong. You've been wrong for the last ten years.
Men have a persecution complex. They're paranoid. They're surrounded by adversaries from all four corners. From our point of view, we're victims too, attacked by adversaries we never provoked. So we look for allies. The guys at the pub. Yeah. We feel "attacked" when we feel misunderstood. We're misunderstood because we don't express ourselves. We don't express ourselves because the information we give might be used against us by all the dragons and demons out there in the world. Life is a war. A man is a beast, a beast that has feelings he doesn't readily express, who goes into life fighting. Every encounter is a battle. Romance is a break when we go home and leave the war behind. But then things turn ugly when we're confronted in our own house. Home sweet home becomes home sour home. The woman who has cared for him all of a sudden because one of the dragons and demons he's been fighting all his life. She becomes poison to him. Yet, she could also have been so nice to him that it makes him feel attached, which makes the poison all the more potent.
Bad behaviour and/or conflict and fighting happens because . . . we don't feel loved.
Whether it's a man or woman, it takes a sweet person to make someone feel loved. A woman that's sweet makes a man feel safe (so he can leave the war behind) and likewise for a woman.
It's hard to be sweet people. It's easy to be OK people, but not easy to be sweet. That's why there are so many fights in this world. Most people are just OK people.
So . . . you get stuck in a relationship that you
both now realise (you and him), you went into for the wrong reasons. You feel that way, he feels that way. You know what you want. You want out. He doesn't know what he wants. He hasn't worked that out yet. So he's going to fight to keep you. That's possibly going to require some threats. I don't think of myself as a monster, but maybe indeed men are naturally the more aggressive sex because we're not that good at resolving our emotional needs and problems.
What can I say? A man is a beast. You're mistaken if you go into a relationship with a man and think he isn't a beast. He is. You never want to go into a relationship with man with a misunderstanding. Men don't like being misunderstood. Again, because he's a beast, he may not be nice to you if you're not nice to him. Sure, maybe we should express ourselves more, but because we are not women that isn't natural to us. Natural for women, not natural for men. We're very shy about revealing our true selves. It's like all the children's stories about all the big, scary beasts. They all have a soft side. Big, scary, hideous and frightening, but really kind if you treat them well. Yeah, we're just a different flavour of the same thing.
With regards to abusive relationships, I suppose I shouldn't give you the wrong idea on that. We all want something in a relationship. Dependencies can be dangerous. Suppose you go into a relationship. You discover that you didn't get what you wanted. You want to break up. Alas, your partner does not want to break up.
He/she needs you. A recipe for disaster!!!! I don't know how many relationships are between paranoid, possessive men and women that want out!!!
I've heard of them, but I don't know how many exist. It must be driving those couples insane.
Let me say this . . . dependent men are dangerous indeed. They are most likely to be violent. They're volatile and unstable.
We're most dangerous when we feel threatened. Watch out for us. Sure, a lot of women want to help us. For those of us who are emotionally dependent, what I say is this: don't try and help us even if you think you can. We're going to be coming after you. Stay away from us. We're a living walking disease. Now you know who to avoid. Mankind is a dangerous race. Womankind should know better.
