Jokes, jokes, and more jokes ...

We shall see if the Moderator has a sense of humor:)

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company. Boy: "Dark in here.” Man: "Yes it is.” Boy: "I have a baseball.” Man: "That's nice.” Boy: "Want to buy it?” Man: "No, thanks.” Boy: "My dad's outside. Man: "OK, how much?” Boy: "$250."In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and mom's lover are in the closet together. Boy: "Dark in here.” Man: "Yes, it is.” Boy: "I have a baseball glove.” Man: "How much?” Boy: "$750."Man: "Fine.” A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball." The boy says, "I can't. I sold them.” The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.” They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here.” The priest says, "Don't start that crap again."
 
A guy out for an evening stroll sees his friend on hands and knees beneath a streetlamp. What are you looking for Joe? I dropped my keys says Joe.
Right here?
No, over in the bushes. But the light is better here. :eek:
 
no God.JPG
 
lol...in fifth grade my son when challenged told his friends..."I can prove there is a Santa Claus"...."There is no way....no way my dad would buy all that stuff!"
 
Little boy saying his prayers as his father walks in: Howard, please bless mommy, daddy, my sister Ann and my brother Pete.

Father: Who's Howard?

Little boy: God.

Father: Who told you God's name is Howard?

Little boy: I learned it in Sunday School. You know, Our father who art in heaven, Howard be the name.....

Father: Oh, I always thought his name was Art...
 
Namaste Jesus said:
Little boy saying his prayers as his father walks in: Howard, please bless mommy, daddy, my sister Ann and my brother Pete.

Father: Who's Howard?

Little boy: God.

Father: Who told you God's name is Howard?

Little boy: I learned it in Sunday School. You know, Our father who art in heaven, Howard be the name.....

Father: Oh, I always thought his name was Art...
Click to expand...

Ha,Ha,Ha...... I love it! Especially that last bit.
 
Bartender: talking to a drunkard:
You're blind stinking drunk my friend!

Drunkard:
I can see as well as the next man and I can prove it. See that cat way down there coming into the bar? Well he's only got 1 eye and in that eye he's got a sty. There, what do you think of that?

Bartender:
That cat ain't coming in friend... he's going out!
 
Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Q: How do you know if you're a bogan? (Aussie for Redneck)
A: You let your 15 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table
...in front of her kids.
 
The graveside service just barely finished when there was a massive clap of thunder followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, 'Well . . . she's there. (Okay, just a joke!;))
 
Why do they call baby diapers Hugs, Luvs, Pampers, but old folk diapers Depends? Because when a baby makes a mess, you clean it up and still Hug'em, and Luv'em and Pamper'em.....but when an adult does it Depends on who is the heir.
 
Appalachian Love Story:

Susie Lee done fell in love
She planned to marry Joe.
She was happy about it all,
She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, Susie girl,
You’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ Ma doesn’t know,
But Joe is Yo’ half brother.

So Susie put aside her Joe
Then planned to marry Will
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, ‘There’s trouble still.’

‘You can’t marry Will, my gal,
And please don’t tell yo’ mother.
But Will and Joe and several mo’
I know is yo’ half brother.’

But mama heard and said, ‘My child,
Just do what makes you happy.
Marry Will, or marry Joe:
‘Cause you ain’t no kin to Pappy!
 
Makes me wonder how many areas have the same song...
In Trinidad there was a family with much confusion, as you will see.
There was a mama and a papa and a son who was young,T who wanted to marry, have
a wife of his own.
"You cannot marry that girl. I got to say 'No.' That girl is your sister but
your mama don't know!"

Chorus:
Ah, woe, ah, me. Shame and scandal in the family. (Repeat)

So he found a young girl who suited him nice. He went to his papa to ask his
advice.
His papa said, "Son, I got to say 'No.' That girl is your sister but your mama
don't know!"

(Chorus)

As the weeks went by, the boy looked around. Soon the best cook on the island
he found.
He went to his papa to name the day. His papa looked at him and at him he did
say,
"You cannot marry that girl. I gotta say, 'No.' That girl is your sister, but
your mama don't know!"

(Chorus)

So the years went by and he wished he was dead. He had seventeen girls and
still wasn't wed.
When he'd ask his papa, papa would always say, "No! That girl is your sister
but your mama don't know!"

(Chorus)

So he went to his mama and he bowed his head. Told his mama what his papa had
said.
His mama said, "Son, go, man, go! Your papa ain't your papa but your papa don't
know!"

(Chorus)
Click to expand...
 
Wil (post 258)...I never heard that version but it doesn't surprise me. There seems to be few original ideas or thoughts and that includes jokes. I was heart broken when I read that John Locke was the first to use the term "self evident" and found a great deal of the Declaration was borrowed. It seems most things are simply recycled! Post 259 <grin>
 
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