greymare
Well-Known Member
Roflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jokes, jokes, and more jokes ...
- Thread starter AletheiaRivers
- Start date
Saltmeister
The Dangerous Dinner
We should all adopt the culture of American Indians.
shawn
Well-Known Member
Maybe the pre-invasion culture.
I lived for years on a reservation and I can assure you that you do not want to be a part of the post-invasion culture.....it has many issues.
I served on a reservation for a year (Washington state), indeed, not is all as it seems...
Dream
Well-Known Member
Astronomer makes History
New developments in Mathematics are always changing the world of Astronomy. Three male astronomers did some rough calculations to determine the likelihood of finding a planet of hot young Amazon women. They decided if the probability was too small they might as well just quit Astronomy to find a more rewarding line of work, like rock'n roll or pro-wrestling. Refining their study, they put the available data together, simulated it and mathematically modeled it, and after using their calculators and double checking by computer they found that a very important decimal point was much to far to the left -- far to small to disprove the null hypothesis. (Which is bad) They tried massaging the decimal point towards the right, but it was just no good! They were about to give up on finding Amazons when one of them looked through his telescope at random and saw Venus twinkling in the sky -- only it was twinkling a coded message! Contact with an alien species! Perhaps they would know the answer to his question! He hurriedly tried to explain this to his colleagues as he got a blue laser pointer out of his coat pocket. His colleagues watched incredulously as he blipped with his laser pointer and started twinkling messages of his own back at the Venusians. They responded, and there seemed some back and forth for a few minutes. His colleagues were patiently starting to smirk at what they though must be a joke when all of a sudden a laser beam shot out of the sky and burned their friend into a little grease spot on the ground. His friends did not know what communication had transpired, but they now believed that Venus had spoken.
What is not widely known is that although not much communication had taken place there were several points of interest to think about: Through his brief coded conversation the astronomer discovered first of all that there was, astonishingly, intelligent life on Venus. Secondly the Venusians had said yes they knew the exact coordinates of a planet filled with hot young Amazon women! Unfortunately (and thirdly), the Venusians said they were only authorized to exchange those coordinates for coordinates of a planet filled with hot gold-record rock stars, models, and pro-wrestlers! The frustrated astronomer tried explaining to them that the odds of finding such a planet were slim to none to which the V's replied that Love Would Find a Way. Of all the things that surprised him that day, nothing did so as much as finding that the first intelligent species on another planet would be so difficult! Losing his temper he carelessly retorted back in code with his laser pointer that no rock star, model or pro-wrestler would ever have the desire to put up with such stubborn, manipulative and vexing people. To this day it is not known why the conversation ended at that moment but it is generally said that turning a laser pointer towards Venus was not such a bright idea.
New developments in Mathematics are always changing the world of Astronomy. Three male astronomers did some rough calculations to determine the likelihood of finding a planet of hot young Amazon women. They decided if the probability was too small they might as well just quit Astronomy to find a more rewarding line of work, like rock'n roll or pro-wrestling. Refining their study, they put the available data together, simulated it and mathematically modeled it, and after using their calculators and double checking by computer they found that a very important decimal point was much to far to the left -- far to small to disprove the null hypothesis. (Which is bad) They tried massaging the decimal point towards the right, but it was just no good! They were about to give up on finding Amazons when one of them looked through his telescope at random and saw Venus twinkling in the sky -- only it was twinkling a coded message! Contact with an alien species! Perhaps they would know the answer to his question! He hurriedly tried to explain this to his colleagues as he got a blue laser pointer out of his coat pocket. His colleagues watched incredulously as he blipped with his laser pointer and started twinkling messages of his own back at the Venusians. They responded, and there seemed some back and forth for a few minutes. His colleagues were patiently starting to smirk at what they though must be a joke when all of a sudden a laser beam shot out of the sky and burned their friend into a little grease spot on the ground. His friends did not know what communication had transpired, but they now believed that Venus had spoken.
What is not widely known is that although not much communication had taken place there were several points of interest to think about: Through his brief coded conversation the astronomer discovered first of all that there was, astonishingly, intelligent life on Venus. Secondly the Venusians had said yes they knew the exact coordinates of a planet filled with hot young Amazon women! Unfortunately (and thirdly), the Venusians said they were only authorized to exchange those coordinates for coordinates of a planet filled with hot gold-record rock stars, models, and pro-wrestlers! The frustrated astronomer tried explaining to them that the odds of finding such a planet were slim to none to which the V's replied that Love Would Find a Way. Of all the things that surprised him that day, nothing did so as much as finding that the first intelligent species on another planet would be so difficult! Losing his temper he carelessly retorted back in code with his laser pointer that no rock star, model or pro-wrestler would ever have the desire to put up with such stubborn, manipulative and vexing people. To this day it is not known why the conversation ended at that moment but it is generally said that turning a laser pointer towards Venus was not such a bright idea.
greymare
Well-Known Member
LOL at him!!!!!!!!!!
Dream
Well-Known Member
Thanks greymare.
greymare
Well-Known Member
I dont want to get serious here, but to me the best thing about humour is to laugh at ourselves, I do try to make a conscious effort not to laugh at someone else, but ... fair dinkum,,,,, I know that I am NEVER short of material that is stupid and hilarious when it comes to me.......... I am a goofball, I think that sometimes we just gotta stop taking life soooooooooo seriously.... (although I DO love the "worlds dumbest criminals"... show) those idiots deserve to be laughed at.
But maybe thats just me. LOL
But maybe thats just me. LOL
Student Doctor Network Forums - View Single Post - Things I Learn From My Patients
O-kaaaaaaaaaaay, I'll be over there, cowering with a
volunteer. *points to, then heads for, the Mope Corner*
Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
O-kaaaaaaaaaaay, I'll be over there, cowering with a
volunteer. *points to, then heads for, the Mope Corner*Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
One of America's Dumbest Criminals (from Wisconsin) was being arraigned on drug charges. At the arraignment, he told the judge that the police couldn't have seen any drugs on him because his jacket was specially tailored not to show any "bumps". The defendant offered to have the judge search the jacket for drugs, which the judge agreed to.
The judge, during his inspection of all of the pockets, found rock cocaine in one of them. Needless to say, he threw the book at the defendant, both the original charges and the new charges.
I know about this case because I heard about the case on a car's radio before it was broadcast on America's Dumbest Criminals between 15 and 20 years ago. Still makes me shake my head in disbelief.
Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
greymare
Well-Known Member
They should throw in a few extra years for people like that,,,just for being that freakin stupid. LOL
shawn
Well-Known Member
shawn
Well-Known Member
and one for phyllis:
shawn
Well-Known Member
Public toilets
shawn
Well-Known Member
greymare
Well-Known Member
LOL, shawn, those are funny as...
Dream
Well-Known Member
True story. A recent article on BBC news included a video of a statue of Jesus that burned in Ohio, plus an abstract that reads:
"A giant statue of Jesus outside a church in Ohio in the US has been destroyed by lightning. The glass fibre and plastic foam sculpture caught fire and burned to the ground in what insurance companies have described as an act of God."
"A giant statue of Jesus outside a church in Ohio in the US has been destroyed by lightning. The glass fibre and plastic foam sculpture caught fire and burned to the ground in what insurance companies have described as an act of God."
shawn
Well-Known Member
The best way of dealing with telemarketers I have ever heard.
YTMND - The Original How To Prank a Telemarketer
YTMND - The Original How To Prank a Telemarketer
shawn
Well-Known Member
And in the news:
An act of god takes out jesus statue
[youtube]Kiu5NY6z3vg[/youtube]
A statue of Jesus Christ was struck by lightning recently. The statue was six stories. It was burned to the ground and left behind just blackened remnants, which were picked up by on lookers,who stopped by,curious about what happened.
The statue, given the name “Touch down Jesus” because of the way Jesus had his arms raised, much like a referee signaling a touch down. It was set ablaze at approximately 11:15 pm, Monday.
The sculpture rose almost sixty-two feet and was 40 feet wide at the base. It depicted Jesus from the torso up.
beware of idols......lol
An act of god takes out jesus statue
[youtube]Kiu5NY6z3vg[/youtube]
A statue of Jesus Christ was struck by lightning recently. The statue was six stories. It was burned to the ground and left behind just blackened remnants, which were picked up by on lookers,who stopped by,curious about what happened.
The statue, given the name “Touch down Jesus” because of the way Jesus had his arms raised, much like a referee signaling a touch down. It was set ablaze at approximately 11:15 pm, Monday.
The sculpture rose almost sixty-two feet and was 40 feet wide at the base. It depicted Jesus from the torso up.
beware of idols......lol
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman:
What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant:
Homosexuals..
Jeremy Paxman:
No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you
What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant:
Homosexuals..
Jeremy Paxman:
No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston:
Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant:
Geography isn't my strong point.
Jamie Theakston:
There's a clue in the title.
Contestant:
Leicester
Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant:
Geography isn't my strong point.
Jamie Theakston:
There's a clue in the title.
Contestant:
Leicester
BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White:
Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:
I don't know.
Stewart White:
I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant:
Arm
Stewart White:
Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant:
Strong.
Stewart White:
Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant:
Louis
Stewart White:
Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:
Frank Sinatra?
Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:
I don't know.
Stewart White:
I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant:
Arm
Stewart White:
Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant:
Strong.
Stewart White:
Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant:
Louis
Stewart White:
Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:
Frank Sinatra?
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski:
What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant:
France .
Trelinski:
France is another country. Try again.
Contestant:
Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski:
Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant:
Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski:
Just guess a country then.
Contestant:
Paris .
What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant:
France .
Trelinski:
France is another country. Try again.
Contestant:
Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski:
Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant:
Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski:
Just guess a country then.
Contestant:
Paris .
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson:
Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant:
The Conservative Party.
Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant:
The Conservative Party.
BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark:
For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis:
I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis:
I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoyne:
What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant:
Goosey?
What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant:
Goosey?
GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter:
What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant:
I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant:
I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO? MANCHESTER )
Phil:
What's 11 squared?
Contestant:
I don't know.
Phil:
I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant:
Is it five?
What's 11 squared?
Contestant:
I don't know.
Phil:
I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant:
Is it five?
RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:
Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant:
Forrest Gump.
Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant:
Forrest Gump.
s.